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I'm a young female pedophile... help

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I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby citygirl192000 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 1:45 am

Hi, this is my first post here so I'm not sure quite what to expect or if I will even get any replies, but I really feel like I have no other place to turn for help.

I am a 20 year old woman and for as long as I can remember I have been attracted to young boys. Obviously this was fine when I was younger, but now that I am 20 it is a real problem. I know I referred to myself as a 'pedophile', but (after doing some research into my attraction) I believe I am something called a 'hebephile', meaning I am mostly attracted to 11-14 year olds. I find myself sexually attracted to boys that are usually around this age group, though it is not just sexual- sometimes I find myself desiring a relationship with them.
I don't generally find myself attracted to boys under 10, however there have been a few instances in which I have been, though it is not in quite the same way as I desire the older boys. I am actually bisexual but I am not attracted to underage girls AT ALL. It may also be worth mentioning that I do suffer from OCD, however I don't believe this to be a case of POCD (obsessing about being a pedophile). I have also suffered from depression in the recent past. I have no childhood traumas or abuse etc, I had an excellent childhood. I have a boyfriend that is the same age as me, though I find myself becoming increasingly disinterested in him due to my fantasies about young boys... which have seemed to be getting stronger lately. I'm not sure what set this into motion (though it has always been there).

I don't feel comfortable telling any of this to a councillor or to friends and family. I am a reasonably normal girl in most other ways but I have this big secret and it's weighing me down, which is why I am posting on this forum now- I basically need someone to talk to about it! I know that my feelings are unnatural and shouldn't be acted upon, but the thought of doing so excites me...how do I get over this? Has anybody gone through/ is going through something similar?

I did some research into female paedophiles and came across loads of articles saying "DO FEMALE PEDOPHILES EXIST?" This makes me feel really alone- is my condition really that rare?! :( because of this I haven't been able to find any useful info that can help me in relation to being a female 'pedophile'- let alone a 'hebephile'.

I hope I get some responses on this, even if you don't know much about the area please feel free to comment, it will really help me feel not so alone. Thanks!
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby Yorkshirelass » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:20 am

I have no childhood traumas or abuse etc, I had an excellent childhood. So are you close to your mother, father and siblings?
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby skeleton-countess » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:34 am

Hi, and welcome citygirl.
There are a couple of female /hebephiles here, not me actually, but I can totally relate, I'm a girl and I find that people think that only men have paraphilias. It makes it hard for us to find any useful information for ourselves when most studies about paraphilias only include male subjects.

If you are really a hebephile (and don't just suffer POCD, and I believe what you said that you don't think that's you), you'll probably be dealing with this for a very long time :( Sorry. I know how alienated you must feel, and it sucks.

Thanks for posting, it takes a lot of bravery to write all of this even on an anonymous forum :)
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby Zebramouse » Sat Dec 21, 2013 1:34 pm

Hello citygirl.
Welcome to the forum.
I don't think female pedophiles/hebephiles are really that uncommon. I'm sure you will find lots of people here who you can relate to.
I'm not a girl but you can still talk to me if you want. (^▽^)
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby citygirl192000 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 6:11 pm

Yorkshirelass wrote:So are you close to your mother, father and siblings?

Firstly, thanks for replying to my post! :)
Yes, I get on very well with my parents and other family, though I can be a bit reserved when it comes to my personal life. Also, I'm an only child.

skeleton-countess wrote:Hi, and welcome citygirl.
There are a couple of female /hebephiles here, not me actually, but I can totally relate, I'm a girl and I find that people think that only men have paraphilias. It makes it hard for us to find any useful information for ourselves when most studies about paraphilias only include male subjects.

If you are really a hebephile (and don't just suffer POCD, and I believe what you said that you don't think that's you), you'll probably be dealing with this for a very long time :( Sorry. I know how alienated you must feel, and it sucks.

Thanks for posting, it takes a lot of bravery to write all of this even on an anonymous forum :)

Yes, I had assumed that there were a lot more women like me so I was quite surprised when I started trying to find info on it in relation to females!

I don't believe I am suffering from POCD, as I (and this is going to sound really bad) am not exactly 'freaking out' about my thoughts, and find fantasies etc enjoyable and not stressful like POCD sufferers do. I know that makes me sound like a monster, but I DO understand that these thoughts etc are wrong and I want to stop (though I'm not sure this is possible) or at least learn more about my condition, as I feel I can't quite relate to a lot of research regarding males.

Thankyou for replying! :) your post was very reassuring to me.

Zebramouse wrote:Hello citygirl.
Welcome to the forum.
I don't think female pedophiles/hebephiles are really that uncommon. I'm sure you will find lots of people here who you can relate to.
I'm not a girl but you can still talk to me if you want. (^▽^)

That was my initial thought, but there is very little information available about female paedophiles/hebephile :( Thank you for replying Zebramouse!
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby skeleton-countess » Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:46 pm

Glad to help!
And don't worry about enjoying your fantasies. I enjoy mine too. As long as you know there's a line that can't be crossed, it's perfectly all right to accept your fantasies. Fantasies aren't hurting anyone :)

Are you still worried about what to do about your boyfriend? I understand it being harder to stay with him when you're losing interest in him.
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby seekingclarity2day » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:05 pm

Welcome to the forums citygirl...

While I'm not a pedophile (or a female), I definitely known what it is like to struggle with something similar and to feel alone. Realize that your not nearly as alone as you feel though!

I'm not sure how close you are with your boyfriend, or how he'd feel about things, but involving him into your fantasies may be one way of keeping you interest in him and also keeping things in check. I know that would help me, but alas my SO has found some things out and isn't so accepting of some, though we are going to start seeing a sex counselor so maybe that will help. If you don't think he'd be supportive though, I would definitely not say anything to him (And I don't think that would help the relationship either.)

Hang in there, there are females in here with similar interests and they can help, and the rest of us can at least relate if you need to talk and vent!
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby Ghost147 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:25 pm

Personally, I knew of one confirmed Pedophile who is also female, and was also your age. She, on the other hand, was interested in girls between the ages of 7-11, so technically she is a pedophile, not a hebephile. Coincidentally, she too had OCD, and not POCD.

So you are most definitely not alone. It would appear that the only reason why people say "Do Female Pedophiles Even Exist?" is due to a massive and misguided misconception. Not only is it less offensive to society when an "older" woman wants a younger man, but it's practically a congratulatory event on behalf of the young man. Which is absurd. Sexual abuse, regardless of what gender it is coming from or being placed on, is sexual abuse, and can be equally as damaging.

Where you do not share similarities with the individual I've met, is that she didn't want a relationship with these young girls.



____________________________________________________________________________________

*TRIGGER*
____________________________________________________________________________________


She said she wanted to destroy them, physically and mentally. To her, her pedophilia was purely sadistic and sexual. She wanted rape, and said she viewed herself as a man in those senses and wished she could do unto them as a man would
____________________________________________________________________________________

*TRIGGER OVER*
____________________________________________________________________________________





With you, it's a distress that is due to a romantic-sexuality with these young boys. It is no different from a romantic sexuality when a heterosexual individual relates to an opposite sex, or a homosexual individual relates to the same sex. Your sexuality is the same in every aspect, purely with a different subject. Although you and others would disagree with this next statement, your sexuality is just as normal as any other sexuality.


If you would like to have a more personal conversation about the matter, or had any specific questions, you're free to send me a personal message any time you like.

Welcome to the forums!
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby citygirl192000 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:12 pm

skeleton-countess wrote:Glad to help!
And don't worry about enjoying your fantasies. I enjoy mine too. As long as you know there's a line that can't be crossed, it's perfectly all right to accept your fantasies. Fantasies aren't hurting anyone :)

Are you still worried about what to do about your boyfriend? I understand it being harder to stay with him when you're losing interest in him.

I do recognize that there is a line that many be crossed, but I do find myself very tempted to cross it sometimes :? I know that's bad.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years, however I do sometimes feel like I'm with him for 'convenience' now. When I first met him he was 15 and looked even younger, but over the past year or two he's become a 'gym freak', and I'm finding myself less attracted to his more, er, manly physique. I've told him that I like skinny guys, and that muscles are v unattractive to me, but I don't want to keep stressing this to him in case it makes him feel like I'm not attracted to him. Also, if I leave this relationship I feel that I'd be more likely to pursue one with a minor :?
(Sorry to go on a rant about my relationship, i just feel like maybe this info is relevant)

seekingclarity2day wrote:I'm not sure how close you are with your boyfriend, or how he'd feel about things, but involving him into your fantasies may be one way of keeping you interest in him and also keeping things in check. I know that would help me, but alas my SO has found some things out and isn't so accepting of some, though we are going to start seeing a sex counselor so maybe that will help. If you don't think he'd be supportive though, I would definitely not say anything to him (And I don't think that would help the relationship either.)


While that is a very good suggestion, I just KNOW he'd be disgusted if I told him about these feelings. He was not even happy about me being bisexual, and still isn't tbh. However, I am very tempted to tell him, just because I feel like I need to get this off my chest to at least one person
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Re: I'm a young female pedophile... help

Postby Ghost147 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:41 pm

citygirl192000 wrote:I do recognize that there is a line that many be crossed, but I do find myself very tempted to cross it sometimes :? I know that's bad.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years, however I do sometimes feel like I'm with him for 'convenience' now. When I first met him he was 15 and looked even younger, but over the past year or two he's become a 'gym freak', and I'm finding myself less attracted to his more, er, manly physique. I've told him that I like skinny guys, and that muscles are v unattractive to me, but I don't want to keep stressing this to him in case it makes him feel like I'm not attracted to him. Also, if I leave this relationship I feel that I'd be more likely to pursue one with a minor :?
(Sorry to go on a rant about my relationship, i just feel like maybe this info is relevant)


As much as I don't want to be the person who says this, he is going to age, and with the likely-hood that this is your sexuality, not simply a form of POCD, then you will only continue to be less attracted to him.

It is the unfortunate conditions of having a sexuality that cannot be acted upon. For example, I have more than one sexuality, I am heterosexual and equally, if not leaning more towards Zoosexual. Meaning that I have the same affinity you have with younger boys to that of animals (almost exclusively male animals).

Clearly, that too is not looked upon as a natural form of sexual behavior in society, and may even been less likely to be even remotely acceptable. In my case, however, I am not exclusively one or the other (or the third, of which I'm not comfortable posting just yet). For me I do have a choice, but I know if I was an exclusive of any form, it would simply be impossible to hold a stable relationship with one species/gender.

You could relate it to a homosexual man who is married to a woman, only for it to later end in divorce because that relationship is unnatural for his sexuality. It will soon be the same for you in a few years when he begins to age, or become more masculine.


citygirl192000 wrote:I just KNOW he'd be disgusted if I told him about these feelings. He was not even happy about me being bisexual, and still isn't tbh. However, I am very tempted to tell him, just because I feel like I need to get this off my chest to at least one person


I highly suggest not telling him about this side of you. I would usually suggest an entirely open relationship, due to it being more healthy. However, if he had a difficult time accepting the simplicity behind a bisexual sexuality, it is extremely doubtful that he would ever be able to understand the complexity behind that of a hebephilic nature.

As much as you want this relationship to work, I'm afraid that it will inevitably become more and more discomforting as time goes on. Not only that, but if he does feel an urge to report you to the authorities, you will live the rest of your life constrained by the law. Wrongfully, mind you.

Before you make that decision, please continue seeking information on this site. I don't mean to frighten you, but, you're treading in very dangerous waters, and your freedom is at stake.
"A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at."
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