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17 year old pedophile... Please help.

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17 year old pedophile... Please help.

Postby anon12345 » Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:25 pm

I am a 17 year old male with a problem that is causing me a lot of anxiety and unhappiness- I think I am sexually attracted to little girls.

In other words, I am a pedophile, according to the diagnostic criteria for the disorder.

While I am attracted to girls my age as well, it is weak and fleeting compared to my attraction to younger girls (9-12). It has reached the point where masturbating to videos of little girls dancing and talking on YouTube is far more arousing than actual pornography.

I would never hurt a child, and if I ever lost my self-control and abused a child I think I would kill myself. But no matter how much I hate myself for having these thoughts and feelings, they still persist. I love everything about little girls- the way they move, the way they speak, the way they think. When I'm around them, I get a deep feeling of warmth in my chest that radiates throughout my body - I realized that this was the feeling of being in love, and although it could just be bad luck, I've never had similar feelings towards any girls my age.

In our society, being a pedophile is one of the most heinous things a person can be, and it makes me sick writing this because I know if any of my friends or family found out, they would at worst hate and disown me and at best never think of me the same again.

I feel very isolated, unhappy, sick, and defective, and quite pessimistic about the future. Sometimes I think about killing myself, but I know I won't do it and am just intentionally submerging myself in self-pity, making me even more unhappy.

I have a few questions that I would really appreciate some answers for:

-Is it possible that this is just a phase? My hormones and libido are at their peak at this age- could this go away as I get older?

-Is it possible to condition yourself out of this attraction? If I stop fantasizing about little girls and masturbating to the aforementioned videos and focus exclusively on adults, will the attraction fade over time?

-I have only been in one relationship, which was unsuccessful and fell apart soon afterwards. Maybe pedophilia is a coping mechanism for rejection- little girls are unconditional about their affection, and my fantasies mainly consist in things like mutual kissing and cuddling (the idea of penetrative sex with a child is repulsive to me). Maybe I'm just lonely and need a girlfriend?

I wonder how many other people in society struggle with self-hating pedophilia, especially other teenagers. If I was psychologically unstable, did not have friends or family to support me, and/or had a co-morbid mental health issue like clinical depression, I think the likelihood of me killing myself would be very high. Considering how common teen suicide is these days, I have a feeling pedophilia is a major undiscovered factor in this phenomenon. It makes me angry that this issue gets no mention from the psychological establishment or society at large.
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Re: 17 year old pedophile... Please help.

Postby Lyta » Mon Feb 25, 2013 9:26 pm

anon12345 wrote:I am a 17 year old male with a problem that is causing me a lot of anxiety and unhappiness- I think I am sexually attracted to little girls.

In other words, I am a pedophile, according to the diagnostic criteria for the disorder.

While I am attracted to girls my age as well, it is weak and fleeting compared to my attraction to younger girls (9-12). It has reached the point where masturbating to videos of little girls dancing and talking on YouTube is far more arousing than actual pornography.


That sounds to me more like hebephilia than pedophilia.
Pedophilia is attraction to PRE-pubescent children, hebephilia is attraction to pubescent children (budding breasts, downy hair).

anon12345 wrote:I love everything about little girls- the way they move, the way they speak, the way they think. When I'm around them, I get a deep feeling of warmth in my chest that radiates throughout my body - I realized that this was the feeling of being in love, and although it could just be bad luck, I've never had similar feelings towards any girls my age.


That sounds positive.
Affections are not negative by their nature.
I would suggest to you, simply that you accepted that your attraction does not in and of itself make you a bad person or a potential molester, any more than a regular same-age heterosexual attraction makes you a potential rapist.
Everybody has a responsibility for handling their own emotions.
And I don't know if you are in contact with minor girls, but if you think about what can benefit them, then I believe you will understand that being a responsible, inspiring adult friend, will do them a world of good.

anon12345 wrote:-Is it possible that this is just a phase? My hormones and libido are at their peak at this age- could this go away as I get older?


A good question.
I feel that that depends on how you develop your outlook. Meaning, I think you should focus on pragmatism.

anon12345 wrote:-Is it possible to condition yourself out of this attraction? If I stop fantasizing about little girls and masturbating to the aforementioned videos and focus exclusively on adults, will the attraction fade over time?


I do not *quite* think so. But human sexuality being flexible, and human emotional relationships being powerfull, I don't think you would have a problem feeling content and fullfilled by being with an adult woman who cared for you and you loved.

anon12345 wrote:-I have only been in one relationship, which was unsuccessful and fell apart soon afterwards. Maybe pedophilia is a coping mechanism for rejection- little girls are unconditional about their affection, and my fantasies mainly consist in things like mutual kissing and cuddling (the idea of penetrative sex with a child is repulsive to me). Maybe I'm just lonely and need a girlfriend?


Maybe you have labelled yourself a pedophile and a "monster", and have become a little bit blind to the future and the opportunities it presents.

Here's a thought experiment which I personally think is a bit revealing:
What if you had the opportunity to have sex with both a minor and an adult, who would you spend the most time with, and who would you spend the most time having sex with.
Now you are free to think about that, but let me tell you what I have arrived at: I would spend my time with the adult woman. Because she would be an equal, a conversation partner, somebody to spend my life with.
Not just a fantasy-fling with an immature (and probably quite inexperienced and stupid) girl.

anon12345 wrote:I wonder how many other people in society struggle with self-hating pedophilia, especially other teenagers. If I was psychologically unstable, did not have friends or family to support me, and/or had a co-morbid mental health issue like clinical depression, I think the likelihood of me killing myself would be very high. Considering how common teen suicide is these days, I have a feeling pedophilia is a major undiscovered factor in this phenomenon. It makes me angry that this issue gets no mention from the psychological establishment or society at large.


Maybe. One or two percent of all adult males are pedophiles, from what I read, and up to thirty percent are hebephiles.
I feel that what is important, is to convey the information that not all pedophiles / hebephiles abuse kids. In fact, most who abuse kids are not pedophiles.
And some actually manage to live quite happily, never ever doing anything wrong, and also interact with kids to both the kids benefit and their own enjoyment.
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Re: 17 year old pedophile... Please help.

Postby anon12345 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 12:20 am

Lyta wrote:
anon12345 wrote:I am a 17 year old male with a problem that is causing me a lot of anxiety and unhappiness- I think I am sexually attracted to little girls.

In other words, I am a pedophile, according to the diagnostic criteria for the disorder.

While I am attracted to girls my age as well, it is weak and fleeting compared to my attraction to younger girls (9-12). It has reached the point where masturbating to videos of little girls dancing and talking on YouTube is far more arousing than actual pornography.


That sounds to me more like hebephilia than pedophilia.
Pedophilia is attraction to PRE-pubescent children, hebephilia is attraction to pubescent children (budding breasts, downy hair).


I am attracted to pre-pubescent girls as well, slightly less so than pubescent girls but more so than adults.

anon12345 wrote:I love everything about little girls- the way they move, the way they speak, the way they think. When I'm around them, I get a deep feeling of warmth in my chest that radiates throughout my body - I realized that this was the feeling of being in love, and although it could just be bad luck, I've never had similar feelings towards any girls my age.


That sounds positive.
Affections are not negative by their nature.
I would suggest to you, simply that you accepted that your attraction does not in and of itself make you a bad person or a potential molester, any more than a regular same-age heterosexual attraction makes you a potential rapist.
Everybody has a responsibility for handling their own emotions.
And I don't know if you are in contact with minor girls, but if you think about what can benefit them, then I believe you will understand that being a responsible, inspiring adult friend, will do them a world of good.
[/quote]

I would like this a great deal, but people tend to treat individuals who are excessively interested in children with suspicion and distrust.


anon12345 wrote:-I have only been in one relationship, which was unsuccessful and fell apart soon afterwards. Maybe pedophilia is a coping mechanism for rejection- little girls are unconditional about their affection, and my fantasies mainly consist in things like mutual kissing and cuddling (the idea of penetrative sex with a child is repulsive to me). Maybe I'm just lonely and need a girlfriend?


Maybe you have labelled yourself a pedophile and a "monster", and have become a little bit blind to the future and the opportunities it presents.

Here's a thought experiment which I personally think is a bit revealing:
What if you had the opportunity to have sex with both a minor and an adult, who would you spend the most time with, and who would you spend the most time having sex with.
Now you are free to think about that, but let me tell you what I have arrived at: I would spend my time with the adult woman. Because she would be an equal, a conversation partner, somebody to spend my life with.
Not just a fantasy-fling with an immature (and probably quite inexperienced and stupid) girl.


In the real world, I would never have sex with a child, even if nobody found out, but if we are talking about virtual reality or something along those lines I would choose to have non-penetrative sex (kissing, touching, masturbation) with the minor over any sexual activity with an adult. :( I wish it wasn't so, but it is.
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Re: 17 year old pedophile... Please help.

Postby ysteph » Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:22 am

Let's hope that when you will be 20, then you will like the 16 yo girls, which is normal and legal in most countries.
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