Our partner

POCDsucks Journal Thread

Journals for member's. Contact staff if you'd like to start one.
Forum rules
Please ask staff to start to the forum for you. Also let us know if replies or welcome or if you'd like to have it just for you.

POCDsucks Journal Thread

Postby Pocdsucks » Sat Feb 01, 2020 11:23 am

I'm currently stressed out. Like, I get comforted for seeing someone tell me I'm not a pedo, THEN I'm not sure. It's like a curse.

I seek and look out for reassurance (Both from my/anyone else's posts, but at the same time, I get scared. Like, I feel as if anytime I would see a post, it would stress me out because it said X is an indication of pedophilia. I remember one time when a user said that being 13 and having POCD together is an indication of pedophilia, that strongly stressed me out.

I keep getting IMAGES of this kid (just gonna call him X kid), no matter how much I keep doing something, this X kid comes in my head and it stresses me out. It makes me feel like a pedo. I'm just stressed out, anytime I see a kid, I feel so scared and kinda aroused. It becomes even worse when an intrusive thought comes in, like an image of a naked CHILD! Like what the hell? I know it's normal (To POCD), but then my mind expands on it by saying how it could be good to fantasize, and it makes me wanna enjoy these thoughts. This is just a coincidence. I fear that I'm gonna fantasize in the future, or that I'm enjoying these thoughts. I fear that I will see a cp by some link and then enjoy it. It got worse when I saw some guy *TRIGGER WARNING* being a virtious pedo, I remember watching him and being disgusted by him, and now this guy is starting to pop into my head.

I'm scared of accepting this possibility. I wanna use another forum, but can't as I'm scared people will say that I'm a pedo AKA child abuser. Please help!!!!!
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: What's happening? I'm Confused! Please Help. How To Deal?

Postby Tyler » Sat Feb 01, 2020 11:49 am

You're not a pedophile. I said it, I mean it. You may come across a troll somewhere, even here, that says you're a pedo, but guess what? Just because someone says you are, doesn't mean you are. I got called a misogynist because my fiction story didn't have any female characters in the combat scenes, if they were, they died. Am I a misogynist? I've done things for feminist charities before that, I support feminist beliefs, and all that jazz. What did I do after that person said that? When I started writing a new story, I used more female characters.

How is that the same as what you're going through, you ask? Just because someone says you're a pedophile, doesn't mean you're a pedophile. If I sat here and said you were an arsonist, are you? Have you built buildings down? If I say you're a thief, does that mean that you stole things? If you haven't done either of these things yet, and I sit here and tell you, "Hey, POCDsucks, you're not a pedophile, but you're an arsonist and a thief!" does that make it true? No, no it doesn't.

And what is it with this stuff that you keep hearing? Why would being short mean you're a pedophile? Does being really tall mean that you're in to grandmas and grandpas? That makes no sense either way. My ex was five foot tall, and he wasn't a pedophile.

The whole "If you're 13 and have POCD, that's an indication that you're a pedophile!" thing sounds like someone made up in their free time to sound smart. In reality though, it doesn't make them sound smart, because again, it makes literally no sense.

So you saw some guy being a vicious you know what. If I saw that, it'd stick with me too, because it's traumatizing and a completely shocking thing to see. I'd be disgusted by it as well, but it wouldn't make me a pedophile.

You're scared of what people say. People say a lot of things. I say that Dick Clark was the Antichrist, but he wasn't. I say that the district manager for the store I work at is the stupidest man to ever walk the planet, but I know he's not. I've been told that I'm "obviously a lady's man." Guess what, I'm gayer than a picnic basket in a field of flowers. Just because someone MIGHT say that you're a pedophile, doesn't mean that you are. It means that they're trying to upset you. Do you want them to succeed at that? Because you're letting them.
Email me if you want a doughnut
ImageImageImage

Diagnosed: Schizoaffective Disorder Bi-polar type Rapid Cycling.

Forum Rules

Heck ( • ̀ω•́ )
User avatar
Tyler
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 5859
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:26 pm
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 1:11 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: What's happening? I'm Confused! Please Help. How To Deal?

Postby Pocdsucks » Sat Feb 01, 2020 12:13 pm

"You're not a pedophile. I said it, I mean it. You may come across a troll somewhere, even here, that says you're a pedo, but guess what? Just because someone says you are, doesn't mean you are."

Yeah, but the possibility is scary. I know I keep asking questions, but anytime I get an answer, I feel relaxed until I have doubts once again.

"How is that the same as what you're going through, you ask? Just because someone says you're a pedophile, doesn't mean you're a pedophile. If I sat here and said you were an arsonist, are you? Have you built buildings down? If I say you're a thief, does that mean that you stole things? If you haven't done either of these things yet, and I sit here and tell you, "Hey, POCDsucks, you're not a pedophile, but you're an arsonist and a thief!" does that make it true? No, no it doesn't."

The difference is that the arsonist and a thief both have to do an act, in pedophilia, you have to be degenerately attracted to kids. Most people with POCD wonder whether their attraction is fake or real.

"And what is it with this stuff that you keep hearing? Why would being short mean you're a pedophile? Does being really tall mean that you're into grandmas and grandpas? That makes no sense either way. My ex was five feet tall, and he wasn't a pedophile."

The reason why I said it is due to the fact that an article once said that a pedo are more likely to be tall. Combine it with the fact that I'm suffering from POCD(?) and yeah, it seems all too coincidentally.

"The whole "If you're 13 and have POCD, that's an indication that you're a pedophile!" thing sounds like someone made up in their free time to sound smart. In reality though, it doesn't make them sound smart, because again, it makes literally no sense."

I can agree on that.

"So you saw some guy being vicious you know what. If I saw that, it'd stick with me too, because it's traumatizing and a completely shocking thing to see. I'd be disgusted by it as well, but it wouldn't make me a pedophile."

I meant to say 'virtuous'. It scared me due to the fact this is the guy's life, and since I'm scared of being a pedo, I could end up like this low sad life.

"You're scared of what people say. People say a lot of things. I say that Dick Clark was the Antichrist, but he wasn't. I say that the district manager for the store I work at is the stupidest man to ever walk the planet, but I know he's not. I've been told that I'm "obviously a lady's man." Guess what, I'm gayer than a picnic basket in a field of flowers. Just because someone MIGHT say that you're a pedophile, doesn't mean that you are. It means that they're trying to upset you. Do you want them to succeed at that? Because you're letting them."

Thanks for the tip man. Unfortunately, my mind accepts it as better evidence, than anything for some reason.

I have to say, anytime I see something like: "Pedos feel that their desires are real", anytime something like this happens, I feel like my desires are real, and I do get disgusted by them. I don't wanna do them, but I fear that I will do them soon to someone.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What's happening? I'm Confused! Please Help. How To Deal?

Postby Pocdsucks » Sat Feb 01, 2020 12:24 pm

It's also hard to prove that I'm not a pedo, I remember saying how I'm scared of being attracted to girls my age because I could in the future find them still attractive.

I did feel attracted to adult women, but that's when they only had boots, short skirts. I don't know what it felt like to be attracted to adult women, which scares me. It's annoying.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Acceptance? I don't wanna!

Postby Pocdsucks » Mon Feb 03, 2020 12:48 pm

I'm just sad and emotionless. I was scared of going into the paraphilias forum, I didn't wanna accept the idea that I could be a pedo. I was worried that by going there, I'm going to see a lot of people who have similar traits to me. Then that could mean I'm a pedo!

I saw a guy say that he said it hard for him to accept being a pedo, but then he accepted it. I then broke down and cried, I felt like I was going to accept this too. I don't wanna, this is the worst thing ever. Like when he said that attractions aren't actions, I was scared that I will soon say, 'He's right'.

Please help, I don't wanna be a dirty filthy pedo. I wanna be an actual successful guy, who has a good family. Please help, I'm so nervous.

I don't even know what I'll do when I'm a pedo, I would kill myself, but I just love my parents so much! The idea they made a pedophilic son is just messed up, I wanna let them see the successful son, not the horrible son who's a pedo. I feel like I'm accepting this, I don't want to. Please help.

Am I a pedo?
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Sleep Problem

Postby Pocdsucks » Mon Feb 03, 2020 10:58 pm

Anytime I begin to sleep, instrusive thoughts come, I say no to them. I begin sleeping, it feels comfortable, that's until I wake up, I get all anxious and afraid, even if I didn't have POCD for the rest of the day, and felt safe. Waking up after sleep will make me anxious and doubt my thoughts, which is feeding ocd. Anytime I don't doubt and ignore, I get more anxious.

I tried embracing the thoughts but I could not, I'm just sad.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

I'm So Confused About My Attraction

Postby Pocdsucks » Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:54 am

I don't know what to do, I don't wanna be a filthy pedo. I know I keep saying this but I heard many psychologists say that your attraction starts at puberty. I don't know if I'm attracted to kids or women. I feel women can be pretty but when it's compared to kids... Am I losing my attraction? I know 13 year olds get attracted to everything but how come they don't question it? How come they're instantly attracted to age-appropriate girls?

I don't want this, I saw some pedos also not want this. Am I a pedo? I don't know.

When I was like around a young age, like really young (5-7), I would often remember that I would fantasize about fictional cartoon characters. I was once fantasizing about a girl I had in school whom I would often put locks in her hands when I was young (I have a hand stuck fetish, like when your hands are blocked and stuck). I mostly relied on fantasizing about cartoon characters. Never on any woman. I also relied on imagining putting their hands stuck.

Now, I don't know what I want to fantasize about. When I often want to sleep, I have to fantasize about something, OCD of course sees this as an opportunity to torture me. I want it to stop, I'm scared I will enjoy it and this will prove I'm a pervert pedo.

I don't even know what it feels like to be attracted to women. I don't wanna be a pedo, I don't fantasize about women nor girls, I often fantasize about cartoon characters but I'm bored of it. I don't even fantasize sex with women, but I do get intrusive images that last 1 second about girls, I often scream 'STOP YOU PIECE OF S***' and it goes away fast.

I imagine having an adult woman, and it's successful but then I get anxious. Please help. I don't wanna be a filthy pedo.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Apathy... Turning into a pedo? (Feels real)

Postby Pocdsucks » Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:37 pm

I'm starting to feel so apathetic. I'm really afraid of it like I used to be really against pedophilia, but now... It just seems to be something I'm not worried off anymore, like I used to be attracted to women in the past, I guess its not there anymore. It also sucks the fact I can't be able to say 'I'm straight, not a pedo'. Like I think I'm genuinely turning into a pedo... Should I kill myself? Why should I exist as a monster? What can I do to appease my parents before turning into a monster?

I'm so worried, anytime a new fact is mentioned (Indication of pedophilia) I get it somehow... Like I remember being scared of having the most horrible disorder ever, pedophilia, but now, my mind is telling me 'You wish you weren't one' and I'm buying into... WTF???

Can I do anything to stop this problem? I don't wanna be a pedo but I feel like I'm turning into one... How do I stop these thoughts from coming up? Like what should I do to stop them? I want anything as long as I can be able to do it (Medicine, free online no personal ocd specific therapy)

Like anytime someone talks about a girlfriend I feel depressed, because I'm scared I will be a pedo and these disgusting arousal feelings will come towards innocent children.

I need help, I don't wanna be like this, I don't wanna be a pedo.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: POCDsucks Journal Thread

Postby Pocdsucks » Mon Mar 23, 2020 2:49 pm

Ok so currently, I'm imagining giving flowers to age-appropriate partners and it seems to work... I feel really happy and I like the idea. It kinda is giving me a thrill too, I'm not having any anxiety currently. So I'm proud of myself? I'm really proud of myself.
Ohhh,

I have all my wellness,
My mind goes chop chop chop,
If it misses the spaces in around,
My well being will come off,

And if its hit my well being,
Tears will soon come out,

But all the same,
I play this too cause that's what it's all about.
Pocdsucks
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2019 11:10 am
Local time: Wed Dec 02, 2020 9:11 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Online Journals




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests