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11-5-2017 Entry

Postby 0pazpaz » Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:57 pm

Summary

--I went to a job fair related openings related to Toys'R'Us over the course of two days and my mind on such interactions changed. This was a day before mentioning what writers 'I would follow' or 'make a study of' if I only had to stick with three, (“How to Write Short: Word Craft for Fast Times” by Roy Peter Clark could be shoehorned as another source/'point of study') and making a point about possibly learning to 'technical write'. I notice how this was days after putting a link related to possibly writing horror fiction.

--I bring up how the reasons for why some things happen will never really change--even suicide. 'Self-destruction' fascinates me, in a way morbidly. I'm *not as afraid at this point of being hired for doing something else aside from invigilate exams,though.

The things I left highlighted in a tone of blue after actually having first invigilated an exam, can help in my opinion.

--A link of google results as to how to improve if your an auditory learner is left. Before me having written about the morbidity and uncanniness of occurrences after having given into temptation as to skim Bolano's final novel.

--I bring up an anxiety of expecting several 'call backs' from employers after a period of having submitted resumes and such* during a day in which I came across a posting which corresponds in my mind to what could be dared to be called a 'dream job' by some--this was days before after having done mock interviews I spoke with an employment counselor who suggested that I see a mental health counselor what with the interference to priorities it seems to 'be giving'; something I will now have to get around to doing sooner than later, than I thought originally.

*I now remind myself how, briefly any of the several possible employers would have looked at the resumes I sent and disregarded it on the basis of a non-presence of experience.

--The major 'rush' of actually having gone to work on the last Saturday of October. I handed in documents related to possibly covering more such instances for other departments. I remember the 'lack of caring' which I felt for a certain kitten on that day which 'gets to me' even today because of the somewhat/questionable rush I was in to leave the house this morning. 'Pride' is something which can be pondered on.

--I find the '10-29-2017 Entry' relevant at the moment as to how it relates to adulthood and 'adulting'--in many aspects. I have 'done the' '10-30-2017 Entry' though. Nor have I done something in regards to the 'match.com' related content and nor do I know when I would/would be up to it.

--On Halloween I express a jealously and uncomfortability of sorts regarding someone at a mental health services location--speaking of uncomfortability is something which comes up to my mind which my mom watched on (facebook(?)) around that time; persons speaking in Spanish commenting on someone's clothes and saying <~I call that boredom,jelously!>. Narustye's book 'The Aesthetics of Boredom: Lithuanian Photography 1980-1990' and a fixation on how it read it 'in fragments' (incompletely) on Google books or how it would fare translated into Spanish--the 'possible power fantasy' I mentioned of before. Plus Kierkegaard and Donnie Dark, 'Renegade Cut's' review or not included/factored in. Etc.

--I bring up what analytic abilities, creativity and autonomy could mean, the significance it can have to/'for a(n)' 'active mind' and how someone questioned about the peer support group I'm so fond of in a way which doesn't seem favorable to me, in my opinion**.

--I remember how upset I was on 11-3-2017 even mentioning something which I feel both uncomfortable and awed by. I bring up how I feel triggered/ conflicted about looking at content which might improving spatial intelligence for me due to how it reminds me of someone and before that I mentioned 'pathos' b/c of chart on 'flow' by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on my mind and how apathy is actually 'before' boredom on the chart, which could potentially 'trigger' me into a pondering of how that fares into a philosophizing what with mentions of Narustye, Kierkegaard and Bolano I made before.

--'labor theory'--the mention of which triggers me to thinking about how I once came across it/read that the ('word') for 'simplicity' and 'economy' in Chinese are the same. That can trigger someone like myself into thinking about Daoism and when things seem 'deceptively' simple. Friendship and simplicity (can) seem like obstacles to me, I admit. Around said instance, I swear in a way and use a word which I feel deeply reluctant/have reservations of saying or expressing. Before getting to a point about disappointment.

--One word used before getting to a part about 'guessing' someone's 'religiousity'.

[/i]**I'll admit that I might be typing this out of a 'sense of shame' considering where I'm typing this 'from' at the moment (near a 'less than used' food court of a mall I go to with Wi-Fi) but I think to myself how much of the probable mental health issues I could project onto the surrounding area could have been preventable if not only persons who were 'at risk' for it were identified but also were 'encouraged' to going to peer support groups of their own. 'Mundane factors' which persons can take for granted at times like particularly argumentative family members, drinking habits and bullying. Etc,etc.
________

--What I wrote, I can consider to be ‘steps’ as to thinking how merely b/c of a lack of experience is present doesn’t mean that seeking an entry level position job doesn’t have to be ‘not fun’.

--The morbidty and angsty-ness of what I write. The morbidity and angsty-ness with which I write.

--‘Seemingly dullness’ can be ‘dis-illusioned’. ‘Seemingly dullness’ can be made to ‘seem like illusions’.

--A respect for religiosity or at least a look into why the/such a respect is something I mentioned before.

**On the point of ‘shame’ I admit that something there could ‘be read’ as far ‘pride’ goes. In my opinion.

I would like to say how I ‘feel up to’ starting a new journal. A new or at different view/perspective of human nature is emerging in my opinion.
0pazpaz
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11-7-2017 Entry

Postby 0pazpaz » Tue Nov 07, 2017 10:31 pm

Fibibing and/or lying in speaking of volunteering experiences as work experiences; such instances will be ceasing but might 'increase' this week.

An uncomfortable feel as if my foot and to an extent my leg is falling asleep. My right foot and leg. While having listened to 'Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx - I'll Take Care Of U'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaXslpx3MWY
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Re: 0pazpaz's journal (replies welcome)

Postby 0pazpaz » Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:37 pm

Went to a job interview today--it wasn't what I thought it would be like.

I would never again like my 'religiosity' to emerge out of an spot of fear.
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11-8-2017 Entry

Postby 0pazpaz » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:04 pm

I felt some of the worst of human kind with John Santarelli and Claudio Ciofani. I have projected that on most of humanity.
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Re: 0pazpaz's journal (replies welcome)

Postby NewLife2017 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:42 pm

I had never heard of a donair until I read your post. I looked it up on a search engine, now I want a donair
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