weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

Thank you.

I will definately keep going, i'm not the type to give up easily.
I see my GP on monday so i'm going to tell her how i've been feeling.

I am glad to hear that and I think that telling your GP how you are feeling is a good idea.

Huge hugs

Cracked

I went to see my GP this morning and told her how i've been feeling. She said she thinks i need a higher dose of my antidepressant. I have to try at the dose im on for another two weeks first. She also wanted me to take some time off work but i dont get sick pay so really cant afford to.
Shes going to phone the eating disorder service to see how long its going to be for me to get assessed.
She asked if i needed any help with looking after my daughter but my ex has been really great, he helps out alot even tho he doesnt know about any of this.
She also explained that sometimes after owning up to it and starting doing something about it can make depression worse because you assume things will improve quickly.

I'm glad i told her how bad things have been, hopefully things will start to get better soon.
I have another appt at the ED place tomorrow and my sister is coming with me.

Huge hugs hon

Your GP sounds good- I am really glad to hear that. And very sensible (for Drs being described as sensible is a big compliment ). I really hope that the AD works and if not it increased sooner rather than later. I know at one point I was on 60mg of fluoxetine (usual dose 20mg) in order for it to help with ED stuff - tho it did unfortunately also send me manic... oops. But that is not likely to happen hon so please stick with it. I am glad you have support in looking after your daughter. You know I also think depression can get worse after you have told because you are faced with the loss of the ED - something which is this huge part of you and that can bring up a lot of feelings including grief in my experience. SO be kind to yourself hon

Huge hugs

Cracked

Hi,
Thank you so much for your kind words
My GP is very good - and sensible I have been on 20mg of fluoxitine for two weeks now but she said the doseage for eating disorders is usually higher so don't know why i have to wait but i'm sure she knows what shes doing .

tho it did unfortunately also send me manic... oops

Was the doctor not aware that that could've happened? Did you have to stop taking them?

Today has been ok, my sister went with me to the ED place and J was able to explain things to her so she understands better. J rang the place i'm going for the assessment to see how long its going to be and i have an appt in 4 weeks. J said she thinks i need assessed ASAP because things haven't improved much in the 6 weeks i've been seeing her.
Work wasnt great, someone said something a bit mean. I hope he didnt mean it and he doesnt know so im trying not to let it annoy me too much.

I'm feeling a lot better than i was and i'm glad things are starting to get moving so hopefully everything will start to get better!

Huge hugs honey

In terms of me going manic - no one knew I had BP at the time so they had not picked up on it being a risk. I do think it is worth going for a higher dose tho as there is evidence for I think 60mg fluoxetine in bulimia.

The ED place sounds like it is being really good - that is good to hear.

Sorry to hear about work - you dont need that.

ANyhow huge hugs to you honey

Cracked

I've had a pretty good couple of days even tho the eating, throwing up and laxatives haven't been too good. I know i'm trying and thats all i can do atm.
I've been in a better mood, i wouldn't say happy but i've been able to get some housework done and walked 6 miles today and spent most of the day with my sister. Thats probably the longest i've been out of my house in months.
I took my daughter shopping yesterday and got us both some new clothes. Most of what i got needs to be exchanged for a smaller size! I haven't lost much weight but i have been doing some toning exercises.
I wore a pair of skinny jeans today thats the first time ever!! I wasn't very comfortable and felt very self conscious but i'm glad i did it. I want to try and do some of the things i'm scared of.

Huge hugs hon - please be careful about wanting to have smaller size clothes and doing toning exercises as it can escalate and becoe part of the ED. I hope that they did make you feel heaalthily good about yourself tho. Huge hugs to you

Cracked

I'm so glad Christmas is over! It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be tho. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and noone said anything about me not eating. I didn't binge or throw up the whole day! I did drink alot tho. I managed to put my back out that morning so was on tramadol all day. It was much better yesterday but its hurting today again. I'm going to have to try to not eat today, i don't think i could bend to throw up!
I wanted to get all the cleaning done today but it might have to wait

Well done for getting through christmas - that is really good. And wishing you a very happy festive season. I hope your back is doing better now.

Huge hugs

Cracked