weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

I'm still failing misreably at eating/keeping anything down and now i can add stopping smoking to the list of things i can't do! I lasted about 12 hours
I'm trying not to let it annoy me too much because i know worrying about it will make it worse. Its hard tho when people keep asking how i'm doing and i don't want to lie but i feel bad telling them the truth. I feel like i'm letting them down. I have been honest about whats happening in my food diary tho and i'm back at the ED place on Monday. Hopefully she will have some suggestions.
I've decided to leave stopping smoking untill after the weekend since i know i will smoke when i'm drinking.

My referral to the eating disorder service can go ahead since my blood tests were all ok i was expecting them to be awful so i'm pleased they weren't. I hope it doesn't take too long. I started on prozac too so hopefully they will start working soon.

I'm looking forward to going out with my sister. I got a lovely dress and treated myself to new shoes aswell! It's nice to have something to look forward to, it's been a while!

hi hon

Please dont beat yourself up - you are doing the best you can and it is a lot to deal with and sort out. And dont worry about the smoking - pick your battles for now and one step at a time. I am glad your bloods are OK and you can go to the ED services - I really hope they can help you - I am sure they will be able to.

Take good care of yourself and I am here for you

Huge hugs

Cracked

Hi,

Thank you so much!

I saw the post about your interview, thats great! I'm sure you were terrified but at least you did it. It would be great if you got the job but even if you don't, like you said, at least you can get some feedback.

I was up all night last night thinking about things. I'm going to try not to be so hard on myself, the reason i went for help is because i can't do this on my own so i shouldn't be getting so annoyed at myself when i'm struggling.

Thanks again and hugs to you
willow

Huge hugs and thank you hon

You are right - you are getting help and you dont need to beat yourself up when you are struggling - hopefully now you will get the support you need to get better.

Thinking of you and more hugs

Cracked

I'm feeling pretty great today Yesterday i went the whole day without binging or throwing up! First day in so long i haven't been sick! I also ate a whole low fat yogurt, not just half and was ok about it because i knew i would need it.
I had a good time out with my sister, i was really self consious and kept my coat on most of the night but i tried not to let it show and tried to not think about it too much.
Today has been a little messy but its ok, i don't think anything could p**s me off today

That is such good news hon - I am really pleased for you, well done! It sounds like it was a really good day for you

Huge hugs and I hope that things keep being good for you

Cracked

Hey,

Thank you
I think not getting so annoyed at myself for having bad days is helping. I had my appt at the ED place yesterday, it went really well. we made a list of goals. I'm going to try to eat a little more this week. (but i'm going to be ok with it if i can't )
I'm going back next week so she can give me some tips to help me with Christmas.

weepingwillow wrote:I'm going back next week so she can give me some tips to help me with Christmas.

I think this is really good. Christmas can be super difficult when you have ED. I hope the tips help make things a bit better for you.

It sounds like you are developing a really healthy attitude towards recovery. It is so important to be kind to yourself and not beat yourself up.

Huge hugs hon

Cracked

Things haven't been great the past few days, my moods been a bit low and the eating isn't going great but i'm still ok with it. I know its not entirely my fault.
I think things got bad because i gained a bit of weight, i still can't handle that. I know if i can manage to eat a bit more during the day it will help with stopping the binging but i just cant seem to do it. I'm going to talk to J about it when i see her on tuesday.
I'm sure with time it will get easier, I still have hope

Sorry to hear things are not great. They absolutely will get easier - it is a question of leaning on your support systems and riding out the storm. You are working hard and sometimes things will be more difficult - and sometimes you will have good days. Recovery is not linear. The important thing is to keep going.

Huge hugs

Cracked