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weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby CrackedGirl » Wed Mar 27, 2013 12:50 pm

Huge hugs honey

I am so glad to hear about the ESA application being done - hopefully that will really help you. I think seeing your GP is a good idea and let us know how we can support you to get through the time before the appt. I really hope things are picking up for you hon and ppl are here for you.

Huge hugs

Cracked xxx
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:47 pm

Quite proud of myself today. I had an opticians apt this morning and then met Mum and we went for lunch. I got a vegetarian salad :shock: I can't remember the last time I ate out anywhere! It was really uncomfortable and I felt like everyone was staring at me so I didn't eat much of it but i'm glad I did it. :D

I was supposed to go and visit my sisters after but that got cancelled :roll: Tbh tho, i'm kind of glad. I'm not feeling very well today. I think i'll have a nap and see if that helps.
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Sat Mar 30, 2013 3:59 pm

I'm not in a great mood today, I felt pretty good when I woke up this morning but it only lasted a couple of hours.
I keep picking at my cuts and reopening them. I know I really shouldn't but I think that's the main thing stopping me from cutting again. I just hope I don't make them any worse.
A close friend came round last night. She even agreed that I seem to be just getting worse and she wonders if I will ever get better. Of course she wants me to and really hopes I will tho. She almost came right out and asked me if I was going to kill myself.

I need to clean this house, I need to do the washing/ironing, I need a bath, I need to do a few things for mum. I just don't want to do anything. I haven't answered the door or phone all day and don't plan to. I've been sleeping a lot more lately, I've already fallen asleep twice today and I know I will fall asleep again soon.
I don't mind tho, I would rather sleep when im in this mood.

Hopefully I will wake up in a better one!
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Sun Mar 31, 2013 8:13 am

Ok, I really need to try and snap myself out of this mood and get myself back on track. Tbh I haven't even been trying lately. I've lazed around the house and done nothing but sleep. I constantly feel like i'm about to cry but can't.

I hate being like this! So I've decided, even if I need to pretend - I am going to be positive!

My plan for today is:

Get washed/dressed
take the dog out
clean the house
see if Mum needs anything/have a cup of tea with her
go for a long walk
cut the dogs hair
have a bath
go to bed early

And eat little and often as much as I can.

Hopefully if I can do this I will feel a bit better about things!
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby Restored » Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:54 pm

Hey Hun

Hope your day today is ok and that you are managing to do a few of the things you aimed to do. Remember its ok if you don't manage them all they will still be done tomorrwo take it easy and please try not to put too much pressure on yourself!

I'm away for a little while now but i really hope things start to improve for you soon. Huge hugs as always xxx
A beautiful thing is never perfect

A certain kind of darkness is needed to see the stars
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:09 pm

Hey,

Thank you.

I hope you really enjoy your trip!

((Big Hugs)) to you xxx
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:21 pm

Just a vent - I just need to know someone knows what i'm thinking. Don't expect any miracle answers or even a reply. Just had to get it out!

I'm a mess!

I feel worse everyday. I don't think the ADs are doing anything. unless its them making me worse. I cut again. I spend my days binging/purging and now cutting too. I was doing so well with it.

I don't think I can do this.

I was doing better when nobody knew anything. I have this feeling that something really bad is going to happen, i'm scared in case I do something. I really want to cut my arm/wrist but im too scared in case I go too deep. I don't want to kill myself but there's a lot of things I don't want to do and do them anyway, how do I know I won't do that??
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby whybother » Wed Apr 03, 2013 2:26 am

weepingwillow wrote:I feel worse everyday.


Life is like the tide....... sometimes it's gurgles, sometimes it gushes..... Seems like your going through a gurgle.

I was doing better when nobody knew anything.


They say the truth will set you free. Or unless people know they can't help you..... For they cant do anything about they don't know about. Let alone understand!

I don't want to kill myself


Please don't.
Allergic to affection
and don't believe in love
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby weepingwillow » Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:46 am

Thank you whybother,

I know this will pass - it always does. It isn't usually this bad for this long tho. I think that's why i'm finding it so hard to cope with atm.
I have absolutely no intentions of killing myself, I can't help thinking tho - how do I know I won't? I know it doesn't really make sense, I don't really get it either. :roll:
I think maybe i'm just doubting my own mind.

((Big Hugs))
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: weepingwillow's journal

Postby CrackedGirl » Wed Apr 03, 2013 12:50 pm

Huge hugs Willow

Sorry I have not been around. How are you feeling now?

More hugs

Cracked
So long and thanks for all the fish

Now we are out of the sea and we're keeping away from the sharks

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