Am i the first person who acted on my intrusive thoughts?

I'm tired, about what happened in my last post the doubt came back, I've been trying for almost 1 week and 5 days to anakize this and be sure what really happened. You have no idea how bad I feel, I feel a knot in my chest and I just want to disappear. I regret coming here is that I have nowhere to go, I can't lean on family because if they knew what I did, they would be disappointed. Please someone help me, all I want is to know if that such an atrocity: while I was masturbating at the end I used the arousal sensations that the intrusive thought gave me while I was in the back of my mind. I know this just reinforces the cycle of the toc, but I can't live with the anguish of not knowing what really happened. My chest hurts, what do I do? I would be the first person who acted without compulsion in their intrusive thoughts. What can I do? This is too immoral. The only thing I know is that I do not desire sexually or romantically this person, when I see her it is only family love. What do I do? The anguish kills me and I don't know what to do. I already got a psychologist, but I haven't talked about this. I am afraid to know the truth. I will describe what really happened and I am sorry to be explicit, but I want you to know how it really was or what happened objectively. I was therefore in post climax and I was touching myself to intensify the last sensations while I saw a person in the front of my mind (it was not sexual or desire that person, I thought it for I do not know, I just know it was not to fantasize, it is the same person that I use to avoid thought of the intrusive person) and in that comes the intrusive thought that was present in the back of my mind and not very clear and it was not sexual, and as these thoughts give me groinal response or conditioned arousal, I think that while I was observing both thoughts and as the intrusive thought gives me arousal automatically, those sensations came while I was touching myself and I used them to be touching myself or as they came I didn't stop and I followed them and continued using them to intensify the arousal as I did when I was touching myself to intensify the last feelings of post climax. And here comes the doubt: I think that really happened and I used the sensations that the thought provokes and used them to touch me, for pleasure? Acting on my intrusive thoughts and it wasn't compulsion, it was deliberate. I feel like it was that if this happened I was just using the sensations that the thought provoked but I wasn't manipulating the content of the thought or making it sexual, I was just static... you know what I'm saying? It wasn't compulsion, it was deliberate, I acted on them probably. I have analyzed a lot and there is evidence that it didn't happen, but more and more doubts came and more and more doubts came. That it probably wasn't conscious but then it was conscious and I don't know. I will ignore the great analysis that I did. And you can give me your opinion and I can accept that I did the worst and it hurts me but at the same time I don't want to accept because I'm not sure if that happened, but it seems like it did and I don't know, I don't know. Sorry and thank you. I'm just desperate and I have nowhere to go.

I have a solution now I'm better now I know I can't delete this sk I think it okay. Maybe it can be helpful to others so they don't feel alone as I did