POCD or just a denial?

It's my first time posting such a stuff so I'm sorry if I'm doing mistakes in explaining. I am male who only started his adult life, I'm going to finish university soon, never had a gf before (Only had one but it was a long distance relationship which ended up with broke up because I knew it would happen one day). Maybe it's OCD or not but I had HOCD before which I can say was real because I had intense fear of being one but I don't know how but I managed to easily overcome by just saying to myself "I'm not the one because I would never do that in reality" and it easily vanished but it easily appeared when this whole stuff started. While I was sitting in my room and chilling I had a converstation with my friend and suddenly I felt spikes of stress with a thoughts "I'm a pedophile". It gave me a huge stress and anxiety. My mother and dad calmed me down and said it's ok don't worry you didn't harmed anyone it's just an silly stuff but I kept processing the whole stuff in the past which I rubbed an itch to. I've seen loli hentai (you know the fictional underage characters), had few text ERP with such a disgusting stuff because I was seeking an attention and always felt in a trap of meeting disgusting and weird people on internet. I learned different stuff how to overcome the fear of it and they worked on me but I still feel the disgusting thoughts and urges like "I wanna *** one" or "You're enjoying them why don't you do it?". I'm having a huge anxiety but when I calm myself down I feel that maybe I'm enjoying it or not? It's giving me an pushback to anxiety because I start checking and reassuring that I'm not but it doesn't helps me because I understand that I feel in my own mind trap. At one moment I did a test and masturbated to it again, I finished quickly but felt disgust how did I managed to do it again to such a stuff. Every person who I trust told me to calm down and stop trying to find a solution to a problem because they see me as a normal person. They never seen me looking or acting weird near the kids. And I agree with them because I could easily talk or play with them when I was in the mood but mostly I was ignorant and didn't cared about them because they always annoyed me and it's easy to make me angry because I don't like when someone acts like an idiot around me. I don't know how to understand anything of this. Maybe I'm a freak or just an idiot who doesn't understands himself? Everyone gave me an advice "As long you don't harm anyone or seek for real one's it's ok because you didn't done anything wrong to anyone and it's not your fault that such a stuff can be easily found on the internet". Sometimes I remind myself about those advices and facts but they work for a short moment before it comes back and keeps giving me those immoral thoughts which I would never act on because I don't wanna feel or see anything like that because it would ruin my whole world. Nowadays I'm feeling weird because I'm feeling that I like kids more but I never had it in the past, I always enjoyed shy and intellegent females which was I looking for.

I'm a friend of BrokenHopeReality. He currently going under therapy so his fine. Sorry everyone for bothering with it. Special thanks to Snaga who moderates this forum and other kind and supportive people for helping people with such a problem. God bless you everyone and find your peace without any doubts in you. Love to everyone!

We're glad to hear they're in therapy.