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Intrusive thoughts are ruining my life

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Intrusive thoughts are ruining my life

Postby LavenderRose13 » Tue Nov 22, 2022 4:38 am

Hi everyone. Not sure where this belongs bc i'm not sure what my intrusive thoughts stem from. Ive experienced them for a very long time. Other people ive talked to have described thoughts like "what if. Iswerved the car and crashed" or "what if i just jumped in front of a car right now but mine are worse. I'm too ashamed to tell abyone asode from my therapist. She says they're normal for what i've experienced in life (severe sexual abuse causing c-ptsd & i also have GAD, Depression, & autism) not sure which issue is naking me have these thoughts but its like okay sometimes as a kid i'd be in the kitchen making food and it would be like "what if you just turned around, didn't notice your brother, and stabbed him" or " what if you like your cousin?" I'd get so distressed by this i'm like no i don't but why am I thinking this? It makes me a bad person for even thinking these thoughts. I don't want them to be there. The worst ones i have are like "what if you're just like your abusers, what if youre a p...." which i know i'm not. Never felt anything like that. But when these thoughts take hold its like my brain is convinced my worst fears are true and i start being like "omg what if i am and why would i even think that why are these thoughts crossing my mind. Nobodu else even goes there. This is messed up. You're a bad person" but i don't wanna hurt anybody, far from it. I go out of my way to cater to everybody's needs and not make anybody mad. But my brain is like "what if youre just trying to convince youreself you're not a bad person but you are?"
It's like i'm going around and around in circles and i hate it so much. Each day i'm convinced i'm a bad person for one thought or another but i can't control it and i don't wanna think these things and these are the worst things in the world to think.

I can't tell anybody because i'm so ashamed. Its eating me up unside and i keep my distsnce from people because im terrified of them finding out and i know everyone would hate me if they knew.

Is this something others experience or do i think these because i am bad? It makes me want to die and i can't handle it anymore.
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Re: Intrusive thoughts are ruining my life

Postby Snaga » Wed Nov 23, 2022 4:14 am

Not making a diagnosis here, but I've moved this to the OCD forum because, intrusive thoughts.

This is a very obsessive-compulsive sort of thing you're describing. Folks with OCD often have these kinds of thoughts.

LavenderRose13 wrote:Is this something others experience


Trust me when I say that for folks with OCD, such thoughts are common as dirt. I see intrusive harm thoughts, I see intrusive sexual thoughts, I see intrusive thoughts about things considered taboo (such as your cousin, which actually where I live is not illegal, so it's in the eye of the beholder...)

All common, very common. Things your brain uses on you to spike your anxiety. I've done it, everyone who posts to this forum (OCD) does it, you're literally quite ordinary in this. from an obsessive-compulsive standpoint.

Something to remember is that Normies get these kinds of thoughts, too. They get crazy harm thoughts, they get crazy sexual thoughts. The difference between them and those of us with anxiety disorders is they think 'what a strange thought'- if they think anything about it at all- and forget about it. But nope a lot of us don't do that we obsess over it and think we're monsters for thinking it because we refuse to make a distinction between mere thoughts and our Id. Surely you're a bad person, because you thought that stuff... well, no. It's my understanding everyone gets thoughts like that. We can't all be monsters, so there's no reason to think you're awful for getting them, too, especially given that you've been through and been diagnosed with what you've been through and have been diagnosed with.

Look at it this way- ordinary people get those thoughts and shrug them off. You think them, and get very concerned, because you care very much about the import of such thoughts. Who's more likely to be a bad person, the one who doesn't think twice about a thought, or the one who freaks out over it and is so concerned with not being a bad person? I'd argue you're the one less likely to be a bad person.
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Re: Intrusive thoughts are ruining my life

Postby LavenderRose13 » Tue Nov 29, 2022 5:48 am

Snaga wrote:Not making a diagnosis here, but I've moved this to the OCD forum because, intrusive thoughts.

This is a very obsessive-compulsive sort of thing you're describing. Folks with OCD often have these kinds of thoughts.

LavenderRose13 wrote:Is this something others experience


Trust me when I say that for folks with OCD, such thoughts are common as dirt. I see intrusive harm thoughts, I see intrusive sexual thoughts, I see intrusive thoughts about things considered taboo (such as your cousin, which actually where I live is not illegal, so it's in the eye of the beholder...)

All common, very common. Things your brain uses on you to spike your anxiety. I've done it, everyone who posts to this forum (OCD) does it, you're literally quite ordinary in this. from an obsessive-compulsive standpoint.

Something to remember is that Normies get these kinds of thoughts, too. They get crazy harm thoughts, they get crazy sexual thoughts. The difference between them and those of us with anxiety disorders is they think 'what a strange thought'- if they think anything about it at all- and forget about it. But nope a lot of us don't do that we obsess over it and think we're monsters for thinking it because we refuse to make a distinction between mere thoughts and our Id. Surely you're a bad person, because you thought that stuff... well, no. It's my understanding everyone gets thoughts like that. We can't all be monsters, so there's no reason to think you're awful for getting them, too, especially given that you've been through and been diagnosed with what you've been through and have been diagnosed with.

Look at it this way- ordinary people get those thoughts and shrug them off. You think them, and get very concerned, because you care very much about the import of such thoughts. Who's more likely to be a bad person, the one who doesn't think twice about a thought, or the one who freaks out over it and is so concerned with not being a bad person? I'd argue you're the one less likely to be a bad person.



Thank you for replying. I really suspect I have OCD. I have for a few years now. I'm just not sure how to bring it up to my doctor. I tried to suggest it but i got dismissed and told it was just part of my PTSD. I keep trying to tell myself what you said, you know, if I was such a "bad" person, I wouldn't care so much about my thoughts. I try to dismiss them just let them pass, but I guess that's hard.
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Re: Intrusive thoughts are ruining my life

Postby Snaga » Thu Dec 01, 2022 1:01 am

It is not complicated, but it's hard to get started, learning to disregard intrusive thoughts. I am successful with the more outrageous ones, mostly. It's taking an attitude that you don't care if you're the thoughts, or they come true. Like anything it takes practice, and you practice by doing it. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
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