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HOCD my long and difficult battle with “futa” please help

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HOCD my long and difficult battle with “futa” please help

Postby ThisGuy104 » Thu May 13, 2021 4:56 am

Long story I’m really sorry

So you’ve probably seen my posts around from time to time asking the same things and might be thinking if I’m just beyond repair, I don’t know at this point and I’m sorry to be recycling the same story 100 times, maybe I therapist would handle this better but a few words of advice wouldn’t hurt

So I’ll start by quickly reinstating what I’ve already mentioned on my old account, my HOCD started (or should I say got worse since I’ve actually had minor HOCD for awhile), when I was scrolling on Twitter and watched a video of *NSFW* two hentai women doing it and one pulling out a penis*NSFW*, this is where everything went downhill because I had a heavy groinal response to that and I remember repeatedly rewatching her *NSFW* pull out her junk *NSFW* to test my reaction but thankfully it stopped but I hadn’t realised a fear was brewing inside me, and that was a fear of liking futa porn

Now I’ve always known what that kind of porn was but I stayed away from it because it kinda grossed me out and I couldn’t see the appeal, I thought it was for gay or bi people and I hated the sight of a penis, anyway like I was saying, remember how I said I had a fear brewing well that fear came back when I had yet another encounter with futa on Twitter again, reshared by one of my friends, it was the same reaction and this time I had a proper anxiety attack and for months on end till now I would keep checking if I was into it, but from September to now there were probably months where I went without checkin but it always came back.

So where am I at now? Well now I realised that I’m probably not into it since I’m physically incapable of masturbating to it, every time I try to my body doesn’t let me continue, as if my body is rejecting it and to this day I haven’t gotten an erection from it (my dreams are a different story), I know you’re probably thinking now then wtf is my problem? My problem is I don’t know if I’m repressing these feelings or if it’s just OCD because the groinal responses I get when I see it feels so real and sometimes it feels like I find the images hot but my body never agrees with me, I think the arousal may come from all the other body parts excluding the penis and the fact that I can’t masturbate to it is because my body recognises there is a penis present but idk because sometimes I get groinals from seeing the penis, its even more confusing because I don’t get this with men or even crossdressers, it’s like I don’t get affected by penises unless its a futa and the penis can look the exact same too, I think my OCD has just latched onto this, it’s so ######6 confusing, I never had this problem a year ago I just found it gross, what’s going on with me!
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