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is this pocd or am i a pedophile?

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Re: is this pocd or am i a pedophile?

Postby Snaga » Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:27 am

Thirteen year olds do DUMB STUFF. You're not 13, anymore.

You worry that you're capable of doing sexualising a little girl. Well, yes, you are. So am I. So is anyone. Don't confuse being able to do something, with wanting to do it. I have harm OCD. With intrusive thoughts of, well, killing. Am I able to carry those thoughts out? Easily. Do I want to? Well heck no. So I don't. And I make the deliberate decision to not worry about what I can do- only worry about what I have done. Which in this case, is moot- because I haven't nor am I making any plans, to commit murder. I'm have made the decision to not worry about intrusive harm thoughts; I have made the decision to not worry about something that hasn't happened yet. There's no magic to this- it just requires being obstinate on my part, and making the decision that I will not worry if I get a harm thought, and that I won't perform any compulsions to keep anything bad from happening. Because I've made up my mind, that I'm not a murderer, and I'm going to do no such thing, end of story. And because of that, I won't worry about it until I've done it. Then, I'll worry. Not before.

And it wasn't long, before I started being less distressed by the thoughts- plus they don't come up as often, either. Now, when one does, every time I have a choice- to worry about it, or to deliberately ignore it and decide I don't care about that thought. And I know- that if I worry about it even just a little, then I'm going to be letting it make me anxious again. Whereas if I ignore it... five or ten minutes later, I don't even remember getting the thought. Every time I write about this in forum as an example, I.... get the thought. And I have to do it again- ignore it. Five minutes from now, I won't be thinking of it, at all. It just takes practice, practice, practice.
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Re: is this pocd or am i a pedophile?

Postby cursedforever4312 » Sun Apr 18, 2021 9:01 am

Snaga wrote:Thirteen year olds do DUMB STUFF. You're not 13, anymore.

You worry that you're capable of doing sexualising a little girl. Well, yes, you are. So am I. So is anyone. Don't confuse being able to do something, with wanting to do it. I have harm OCD. With intrusive thoughts of, well, killing. Am I able to carry those thoughts out? Easily. Do I want to? Well heck no. So I don't. And I make the deliberate decision to not worry about what I can do- only worry about what I have done. Which in this case, is moot- because I haven't nor am I making any plans, to commit murder. I'm have made the decision to not worry about intrusive harm thoughts; I have made the decision to not worry about something that hasn't happened yet. There's no magic to this- it just requires being obstinate on my part, and making the decision that I will not worry if I get a harm thought, and that I won't perform any compulsions to keep anything bad from happening. Because I've made up my mind, that I'm not a murderer, and I'm going to do no such thing, end of story. And because of that, I won't worry about it until I've done it. Then, I'll worry. Not before.

And it wasn't long, before I started being less distressed by the thoughts- plus they don't come up as often, either. Now, when one does, every time I have a choice- to worry about it, or to deliberately ignore it and decide I don't care about that thought. And I know- that if I worry about it even just a little, then I'm going to be letting it make me anxious again. Whereas if I ignore it... five or ten minutes later, I don't even remember getting the thought. Every time I write about this in forum as an example, I.... get the thought. And I have to do it again- ignore it. Five minutes from now, I won't be thinking of it, at all. It just takes practice, practice, practice.



do you have any advice for checking behaviour? like in my case now when ever i see a girl i suddenly imagining them in a nude way and asking myself whether i am attracted to them. and sometimes i am imagining like me having a daughter in the future and what if i wanted to see her nude? i am questioning myself like what if you did the same thing you did to sister and stuffs like that. these are some of the thoughts that is not allowing me to move forward
also i don't know how to deal with self worthlessness. whenever i do something, i feel like i am a person who molested his sister , a person who is other wise known as a monster and thoughts like this is not allowing me from moving forward

also if i see something in the news like if i see something about a person who molested a child and killed his mother, my brain suddenly start to think like hey look, that is you, that is what you are going to become in future, better commit suicide, also don't read or do anything because anyway one day you are going to go to the jail and thoughts like that
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should I just accept myself that i am a pedophile?

Postby cursedforever4312 » Tue Apr 20, 2021 5:42 am

So this is my story.

obsessive-compulsive/topic218925.html

i still remember what i done to my sister and how i got aroused by doing it and it still freaks me out.
it gives me panic attact when ever that images and videos comes to my head.

i don't know what in the world i am. I have never fantasized about children, but when i think about a nude girl in my head, i am not getting a normal feeling like i am feeling it is some kind of taboo to see a little girl nude. i don't know if that makes any sense. but i am not feeling like just kids or i am not getting thoughts like the same when i imagine a boy in nude.

this might not be a symptom of pedophillia. but honestly i don't know what in the world i am. I feel i should just throw myself in front of a bus and kill myself. I am not feeling like me anymore.

i used to watch a lot of porn. i like when women is clean shaved. that is what the kind of porn i watch mostly. i remember when i saw a kid, my brain starting to think like hey look that kid have same hair less thing that you saw on porn. i don't know how to respond to it.

i don't know what to do. am i a pedophile? what in the world i am?
Last edited by Snaga on Tue Apr 20, 2021 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: merged into existing thread, no edits
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Re: is this pocd or am i a pedophile?

Postby Snaga » Tue Apr 20, 2021 1:32 pm

I know it's difficult, but I really think you need to stop purposely imagining anyone nude, for purposes of checking. Checking will only lead you in circles. If I thought you were a pedophile, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You keep accusing yourself of being what you fear, despite the fact you were yourself a child when you did one dodgy thing that you're far from being the first adolescent to do.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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