Groinal Response (HOCD)

Since at age of 15, I started to have HOCD. I've had symptoms, including checking whether my attraction to men was real or false, constantly checking whether I was attracted to women or not. I also begun checking my past whether I had attraction to women earlier in life. I watched lesbian porn for the first time at the age of 12 and never had any homosexual fantasies. My false attractions to women went really intense, to the point, where I couldn't differentiate between real attraction and false attraction. Today I got aroused by watching lesbian porn again and that made me anxious. Looking at my past, I've had a few homosexual thoughts, but only kissing females, but I don't think I was attracted to it, almost kissed my cousin who was a girl when we were kids, found a few females attractive. I know there's such thing as sexuality spectrum and I might fall into bisexual spectrum. It has been 2 years and nothing has changed. I don't think I'll ever get turned on by men and I guess there might be a chance that I'm homosexual.

Hello and welcome!

Checking is always bad, in my opinion. To a certain extent, sexual activity, is sexual activity- even if it's not someone's interest, I think it's still capable of being arousing, even if it's nothing that someone really wants for themselves- sex is sex, and sex is titillating. And I think forcing oneself to watch things as 'checking', just makes things more confusing.

I'm bisexual, and I didn't begin looking at same-sex porn to 'check' anything. I looked, because I wanted to. Whatever my personal opinion on my own sexuality is, I am drawn to look at, what I'm drawn to look at, because something in me really wants that.

So I guess, what has been your historical opposite-sex attraction, and what's been your historic same-sex attraction? I decided what I was (making my OCD much less bothersome about it) by just mentally checking things off a list- what have I/do I like? what have I/do I fantasize about? Looking at things dispassionately, helped me come to a conclusion.

What feels right to you?

Thank you for your response, @Snaga. I've always had feelings for the opposite sex as long as I could remember. Before HOCD, I would obsessively look at pictures of my male crushes and feel attracted to. I apologize if I'm coming across as a creep.

KidDJ wrote:Thank you for your response, @Snaga. I've always had feelings for the opposite sex as long as I could remember. Before HOCD, I would obsessively look at pictures of my male crushes and feel attracted to. I apologize if I'm coming across as a creep.

A creep? Not at all why would you think that?

One thing- if you can get past obsessive fear of being Not Straight- is I wouldn't count things done as a child/adolescent, in trying to pin a sexual label on yourself. Cause kids experiment.