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Is this HOCD anymore ?

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Is this HOCD anymore ?

Postby danielle2220 » Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:21 pm

At first, sorry for my English, it’s not my native language.
Hey guys, it all started when I was studying and suddenly thought “what if I am lesbian?” popped into my head. I am 19 years old female and I am in amazing relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I never questioned my sexuality before. I always had crushes on boys, I always wanted to marry a guy and I still want, I have never been attracted to girls I I never thought about them in the same way as I thought about guys. I am very attracted to my boyfriend and I love him so much. But now , I don’t even know who I am. I started questioning me sexuality , I started looking at girls as I never looked before because I was afraid that I will find some girl attractive. I started looking at boys and girl to see that I am more attractive to boys then girls. At first , I had so strong anxiety and I was crying all the time. I was crying in school, I was crying at home. I started to look at some pages “how to know if you are homosexual “ and I started comparing myself to this. I don’t want to be with woman , only though that naked woman touches me was disgusting for me and always huge anxiety came with this thought.
That night when it all started I had a huge panic attack, I was crying so much, so Mx parents came and I told them everything. They told me that I am not lesbian for 100% and if I was, then would love me as much as they love me now. But I don’t want to be lesbian because I know in my heart that I love boyfriend so much and that I am attracted to boys. I also have sex dreams and another dreams about boys and I like them.
Wherever I am, I always look on boys because a find them attractive, I can tell about girl that she is very good looking, but that’s all, I couldn’t be with girl.
So I went to psychologist and I got diagnosed with OCD (I got also some pills against anxieties ).I started searching something about it and a could totally recognised myself in it. I was doing all the things and I really found myself in this HOCD.
But now , I feel so ######6 tired and exhausted, I can’t tell if this HOCD anymore. My brain keep telling me that it’s just my excuse for being lesbian. It keep telling me what if I like to be with woman and I just denying it. I got so used to this thought that I can’t tell if I am straight anymore. I still persuade myself that I am straight and I comparing myself to gay people. I talk about everything with my parents and boyfriend and they are huge support for me. I just don’t want to be lesbian. I want myself back. Do you thing guys that I am really lesbian and I should reconcile with it ? But I don’t want to, I don’t want to be homosexual, I just want to be with boys.
Please guys , help me, I can’t handle this anymore
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Re: Is this HOCD anymore ?

Postby Tyler » Mon Feb 24, 2020 12:18 pm

danielle2220 wrote:At first, sorry for my English, it’s not my native language.
Hey guys, it all started when I was studying and suddenly thought “what if I am lesbian?” popped into my head.


You know how I know you're not a lesbian?


danielle2220 wrote:I am 19 years old female and I am in amazing relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I never questioned my sexuality before. I always had crushes on boys, I always wanted to marry a guy and I still want, I have never been attracted to girls I I never thought about them in the same way as I thought about guys. I am very attracted to my boyfriend and I love him so much.


A lesbian wouldn't think that. Also, you'd have known long before the age of 19 that you were a homosexual. Trust me, I know.
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