Our partner

So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Snaga

So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Postby WhyDoIExist » Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:53 am

So, I completely broke down, and did my mental checking compulsion today... And once again, I couldn't tell whether I was turned on or not, but it felt like I possibly could have been... I'm so upset and ashamed even though I haven't actually done anything to a child...
Granted, this is nothing new, but still...
My therapist thinks that maybe due to repeated exposure to these thoughts, I've conditioned myself to feel a certain way when exposed to that stimuli, but I'm not entirely sure. I want to believe I'm not a p**o, but it just feels so real. I'm scared that I'll snap one day, and actually hurt a kid...
WhyDoIExist
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 10:42 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Postby Snaga » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:06 pm

If Pavlov could condition a dog to drool at the sound of a bell....

I am completely convinced that if I masturbate to photos of giraffes, to climax, and do it enough times, and make myself think of giraffes, I'll need photos of giraffes, eventually. It might take a while, but I'm pretty sure that would happen.

Why giraffes? because it's the most unlikely thing I can think of. But yes I believe in conditioning being a 'thing'.

Doesn't mean I want to have sex with an actual giraffe. Just means I've trained myself to respond to a specific set of circumstances in a specific situation (playing with myself).

Checking for sexual fears drives me insane with concern that people will condition themselves to need photos of giraffes, or need to think about giraffes! Don't make yourself look at the giraffes! Don't make yourself think about them! I can't beg and plead that enough, in these forums. Checking is BAD. Bad, bad bad. If you have to MAKE yourself do it, to check- then DON'T. I didn't reason I was Bi because I made myself look at same sex porn, or thought about the same sex, it came natural, I wanted to. If it don't come natural don't do it! Please. Don't do it.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, because Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, because Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 13310
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Postby WhyDoIExist » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:44 pm

I feel trapped inside my own mind...
WhyDoIExist
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 10:42 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 14, 2019 6:16 am

I have often wished to rip my brain out... or... something. yeah. I know how you feel.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, because Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, because Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 13310
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: So Ashamed (Hopefully POCD)

Postby WhyDoIExist » Sat Sep 14, 2019 6:40 pm

It's only 2:38 PM, but it's already been A DAY as far as intrusive thoughts and anxiety go...
WhyDoIExist
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 10:42 pm
Local time: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 50 guests