Our partner

It's all denial

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Snaga

It's all denial

Postby hocdsufferer » Sat Aug 10, 2019 9:37 pm

It's over, it really is. I'm gay and I know it and I just ignore it. I'm completely sure that I'm gay, I just saw a couple, a beautiful and sexy girl that every guy would like, and I felt like I wanted to look at her boyfriend. I'm at a temporary work as a student and there is this guy that's more feminine and I think to myself that he's gay and we go have sex in the bathroom like gay couples in movies. And I feel that I actually like it :( I even felt slight increase in size in my groin while typing this. What do I do????!! I'M GAY I don't know what to do anymore, I know I'm gay and I just want it to magically go away :( It's over. It was never just OCD. Omfg what do I do :( I just know I really am gay :( nobody with OCD actually has stuff like this happen to them, I'm truly gay and have true feelings and I'm just trying to deny that and it's so obvious. I feel like my chest is being squeezed right now because I don't know what to do :( And nobody can help me I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm just gay and there's no cure for that. Omfg :(
hocdsufferer
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:38 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: It's all denial

Postby hocdsufferer » Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:01 pm

I really don't know what to do because I know it's real and I can't do anything and it's like my chest is being squeezed and I have a lump in my throat and want to cry because I know it's true and I won't be able to ignore it forever. This is not OCD. :(

I also get triggered the most from specific guys, which is different in OCD because mosr guys will trigger you. I feel like with some I'm unable to control it and I really want it. :(
hocdsufferer
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:38 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: It's all denial

Postby jj19 » Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:51 am

99% of hocd stories that i read says the exact same thing than you. You should find a cbt therapist asap
jj19
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jul 25, 2019 5:47 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: It's all denial

Postby hocdsufferer » Thu Aug 15, 2019 11:06 am

jj19 wrote:99% of hocd stories that i read says the exact same thing than you. You should find a cbt therapist asap


I just know it's real and when I get home I just ignore everything like nothing is happening. But at those times I'm really 100% sure it's real.
hocdsufferer
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 191
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:38 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: It's all denial

Postby EBk3167 » Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:40 pm

I had a really awful bout of hocd for over 10 years. I did erp sessions with *mod edit* and it literally fizzled out. I had the worse form including groin responses all day every day. I say to you hocd is real and its best to use erp which works. My erp was porn all day everyday. I feel your pain but ill let you know that it is curable
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: no names, please
EBk3167
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:33 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 12:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: It's all denial

Postby TheMovieMan » Thu Aug 15, 2019 4:39 pm

Stop it, damnit. I've seen your posts all over the OCD board, which is a clear indicator of the fact that YOU'RE NOT GAY. Listen to me I was really scared I was gay as well for the past 6 months. My first hOCD episode started when I was 13. It's on and off. But it will disappear. Just have the confidence that you're not gay. Your mind is so focused on men and the idea of being gay that it has pushed women to the back of it. It's your survival mechanism working overtime. You're gonna get better and I'm gonna tell you what you do. You're gonna stop coming to this site for reassurance. I know writing takes the edge of the fear, but you're seeking reassurance, which isn't the right way to recovery. Trust me, you're not gay. Start to focus on things that matter to you (except your sexuality) and you will see the fears of being gay will fade. It might be tempting to come to this site again after reading this post, but trust me it won't get you anywhere. Try to resist this urge. You will get better at it and with it you will learn to let go of this irrational fear. It's gonna be very scary and a thousand 'but what if?' questions will go through your head. Just listen: those are ALL from the OCD.

All the best, mate!
TheMovieMan
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:37 pm
Local time: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 77 guests