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OCD Relapse Due to Anime Porn (May trigger?)

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OCD Relapse Due to Anime Porn (May trigger?)

Postby 32ra1 » Thu May 16, 2019 1:21 pm

Hi, everyone. It’s been a few years since I last posted here, but I felt like I need to come back at least temporarily because of a spike in my OCD. Recently, I’ve gotten into writing fetish erotica, using photos as a base with captions. Now, I like anime aesthetics, so I decided to primarily use that style of image in these. However, the sources for these images often had content featuring drawn characters with either an unclear age, or are blatantly underage. Naively, I thought I could just ignore the disgusting images and search only for characters I knew for sure were of age; this went on for several weeks, but no matter how hard I tried I kept finding images that disturbed me. I’ve stopped going to these sites permanently now, but going to them at all has taken a severe toll on my mental health. By going to these sites, no matter what my intent, I’ve been enabling child abuse. During this period, I’ve been in and out of the emergency ward confessing this to every doctor I’ve seen; I’ve told my girlfriend and my father, additionally. The end result is always the same. They tell me that I’m too hard on myself and that nobody is going to arrest me for this since law enforcement would probably prioritize arresting continuous offenders with a marked interest in abusing real children. One of the doctors was even half-joking with me about this; that she’d be “praying for the fictional victims” or something like that. Even then, I still feel really bad about what I did. I’m scared that I’ll be living the rest of my life awaiting the day someone knocks on the door to arrest me. What can I do? Thank you for listening...
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