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HOCD. Help.

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HOCD. Help.

Postby JacksonRorschach » Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:07 am

Hi. I am 25 years old. I have long suffered from what I believe is Hocd. I have had it for about four years now. I guess i should explain how it first manifested. I can really say when the intrusive thoughts bergan popping in, but when they did i got confused. At first i admit i didnt think much of them. I thought they were the product of all that gay stuff that is present in media these days. I also figured that they were like prison sexuality so to speak. Like so desperate for a girlfriend that i got bad thoughts like that. Or something to that effect. I remember when i would get thoughts i would say "I need to get a girlfriend." It shames me to admit that i still dont have nor have i been in a relationship. I guess have/had low attraction thanks to the years of porn and masturbation and an anti social attitude (i didnt bother noticing the girls around me). Anyway it got worse as things went on. They began to worry and confuse me. Than i was looking online and saw this actor and admitted that he was handsome. That was moment where the confusion overtook me completely and i started panicking and worrying that i was gay. My anxiety shot through the roof. I remember for the next month i couldn't sleep eat or anything. I couldnt walk through the mall without freaking out when i saw a man. Overtime tthe anxiety went down. Still even today i get intrusive ideas about dudes. Like even my friends. Hell i even get them about my own father. It is so aggravating. I just want to get back to way i used (mind you i want to improve on some things like not being antisocial anymore). Even today i keep asking my parents for reassurance about my sexuality. They insist i am not gay and They say the same thing. "If you were gay or bi you would know." I also keep looking through my history and i have never been into a guy. Even then i still have great doubt and the thoughts still drive me crazy. I guess the problem is that i am so used to the thoughts. I hate being used to them. I want them to scare me again. I dont know what to do. I am attempting to clean myself of porn with NoFap. I don't believe i am gay. I have actually been attractedd to girls before. Heck, the other day i saw pic of an actress that i like and thought she looked hot and got close to relapsing. From what i have said am i gay? Could it be HOCD? I am trying to get help, but i probably live in the worst area for those looking for mental health help.
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Re: HOCD. Help.

Postby JacksonRorschach » Fri Apr 12, 2019 11:41 pm

Also. At times I get this sudden feeling that i am not sure how to describe, but whenever i get my reaction to it is to yell either inside my head or outloud. "I AM NOT GAY!" I don't feel good. Not one bit.
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Re: HOCD. Help.

Postby JacksonRorschach » Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:10 pm

Is anyone going to answer?
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