HOCD: is anyone really cured?

Hi everyone,

i'm a 35 year old male that has been suffering from what has beed diagnosed by my therapist as HOCD for 3 years now. it had its ups and downs, it really comes by period.

there are days my attraction to girls is obvious (both in real life and in porn ).. but when i'm on my low days, as in i'm stressed, tired etc.. my "feelings" for men resurface and it ruins my day...
What i mean by "feelings" is just that i find men attractive, but not in a sexual way... i can look at a man of any age and tell to myself he's attractive or not... but when i think of doing sexual things with a man i can tell is attractive (for exemple if i'm looking at him, discretely in the subway), it feels weird and hence i can't get aroused..

Also, i've tried so many many times over the past 3 years to masturbate over gay porn (first i puked then i got used to the images) i ve never been able, not a single time been able to have a boner and of course orgasm..i had a very flaccid semi-erection once ... but far enough to go all the way...

Also on my "down" days i don't even talk or look at a woman just cause i'm scared i'll not be attracted to her...

What do you guys think??

My last question is, seriously, has anyone been really cured from HOCD??? and i mean that on the long run...

Thanks in advance if you read my post and answer,

Best to you all,

K

Thanks

I take it you mean you've been diagnosed with OCD, then? Since HOCD is merely a nickname for one particular OCD theme.

I don't know of anyone that's been 'cured' of OCD. To me, that's like a 'cured' alcoholic. I think a better term is a recovering person with OCD. I feel as if the thought patterns that people with OCD fall into, can be fallen into again, if not constantly guarded against.

And I know if your therapist is competent, they've doubtless told you this, but... please quit checking to gay porn. It's pointless and you'll never be happy with the results, no matter what they are. You're going to need, at some point, to accept on faith that you're not gay, and stop checking. Worry about being gay when you are gay, not before.

Thank you Snaga for your prompt answer,

i read many of your posts before that helped me a lot for reassurance (i know it s a bad thing to do)

Damn at the very moment i'm writing this post there's an add on the web site with a girl in bikini i 'd give my life to have in my bed...

But the thing is, i've have laid with girls many times, though couln't erect many times due to being completely drunk... so i developped some self esteem issues (i was unemployed for a long time which doesn't help either !) ..

I had never considered having sex with a guy before i put that in my mind, but somehow, i feel confortable talking to guys and, in a weird way, i feel the need to have their "approbation" or "acceptance"... once i have that, my HOCD with that person completely fades away as i sort of "got" what i needed...
I have to tell you that when i was in high school i got bullied for an entire year by three of my formers best mates...which has profoundly wounded me, even today at 35!

Is it possible for a male to need other male 's acceptance because of that without it reflecting a latent "sexual" desire?

I mean, where i'm standing at right now, is that thoughts of having sex with a guy doesn't give me any anxiety as it used to (maybe because i'm really used to the mental images), but it doesn't arouse me nor give me that "aaarggh" feeling that comes from the guts when looking at a hot girl (when i'm in my good days or when i didnt have HOCD)

Thanks again snaga, or anyone else for that matter,

K

Anyone??

I think it's possible, and normal- for guys to seek others' approval, or friendship, or non-sexual affection, without homosexuality being involved, sure. I'm bisexual, but I think dudes are sometimes way too scared of being seen as gay, for their own good. I just don't see 'gay' in everything guys do. It's okay to be close with a guy and sex doesn't have to have a darn thing to do with it. Lol, Frodo and Sam (in the books, not the movies) aren't gay, dammit. They're close. Nothing more. Things like that, get overthought too often.

For a lot of people with HOCD, I think what you mentioned- getting acclimated to intrusive sexual thoughts about sex with other members of the same sex- is then jumped on by OCD to start that anxiety loop again. 'I didn't get anxious thinking about sex with other _____, so I must be gay!' But I think you're right- you get used to it. I mean isn't that ERP, at its essence? Exposure to the fear until it loses its sting. I think it's normal, after a while, to get numb to the mere thought of having sex with a guy.

I personally believe that male sexuality is fixed pretty early on, sometime between birth and adolescence. If you had a gay streak, I think you'd have known it long before now.

lol I like the the lord of the rings illustration ! though in my opinion, in the movies, Frodo would definitely do Sam ..haha I dunno...

anyway, I think you re right about ERP, it s sole purpose is definitely to remove any "sting " through acclimatation to the thoughts... though it s confusing when you have no more anxiety, like you want it back...

in my case I never had a gay streak in childhood as in "sexual", though I could easily determine whether a guy was good looking or not...that I can't deny...

also, I didn't say it before, but when I was 14 years old a cousin (male) and I, tried to "have sex" just to see what it was like... we stopped quite soon given that none of us could get hard... the thing is I was not repulsed by it but I was not turned on....
I guess If I were gay I would have shown some signs of arousal at 14 during that "experience" right??

i have a question for you snaga, as a bi dude, when you first experienced homo erotic interests , was it in the form of when you were seeing or picturing guys naked (or half naked I dunno!) you had a real erection?? or was it something else?? also how old were you?

I d perfectly understand If u choose not to answer as it is quite personal:)

and thanks again for taking the time answer me

Best

It was when I knew I wanted the man who was grooming me. Okay, I was scared, but I was excited.

Don't go by erections. Some guys get hard at the least sexual thought even if they're not interested in doing anything, some guys don't get hard without stimulation, no matter how interested they are in someone. I always tended to be the latter. I think pwOCD get to thinking that they HAVE to respond, or not respond, a certain way, with certain physical reactions. I think that's a poor marker.

At 14, if y'all stopped and had no real interest and were more curious than anything, don't give it another thought.

I agree with the fact that I need to have a definitive answer through the measuring of if I get hard or not... and I don't .... but that's never satisfying enough... which can really give me hard time!

regarding my experience with myself cousin (who is today happily married with a child).. some day I find it evidence that as I was not aroused it means I'm not gay..but some other day I think that as I was not repulsed by it it means I might be...

uncertainty is hellish... I write to you now quite calmly as I had a few beers ... but tomorrow might be a torture...

Thanks again for your time dude, have a good one

by the way iIf anyone else has an opinion , feel free to answer!

Best

K