Our partner

Need Advice (child sexual experimentation + ocd)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Snaga

Need Advice (child sexual experimentation + ocd)

Postby Fran3 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:42 pm

I'm worried about child. She came to me about a week ago saying she remembered something from when she was younger than she feels guilty about. 
When between the ages of 9-11 and her sister was 6-8 (3 years difference in ages) the older child said she had the idea to play boyfriend and girlfriend. She Went to younger sibling in her room and said to play a game and they then went into parents bedroom. There the older said lets play boyfriend and girlfriend and the younger child said she didn't want to play the older one kept asking why and younger child kept saying she didnt want to. Older child said she said something like "if you dont play my game I'm not playing any of yours again" in frustration. The younger one said fine and went to walk away the older child then remembers saying something like "wait, what do you wanna play" to which the younger replied "shops" the older then said "how about we play my game then yours". The younger child then agreed to play. The older then said shall we take our pants off to which the younger replied no I'm not playing if we do that. So they didn't take pants off. The older child can't remember if she took her skirt off or they both did or neither or if just she took her pants off later, its blurry, but she doesnt recall forcing the younger child to. The game took place under the covers. The game wasnt between them as such, they each had a teddy as a boyfriend. Each side of the bed was their "house". The older child says she would hump and maybe masturbate on her side with her teddy but didnt want the younger child to see her doing that but she said that she was being grown up pretending her and her "boyfriend" were having sex. At one point shes not sure if the younger child had seen a glimpse of what she was doing or not but she says she recalls lying next to the younger child and says that she told her she is just itchy and they compared nails, i think she didn't want her younger sister to know what she was doing. The only time she remembers anything "sexual" between them was a brief conversation in which the older  child was lying on her teddy and looked across to the younger and said "have you had sex yet" in which the younger replied "no" like it was an icky thought. The older then said something like "we have, you should, we'll go back home so that you can have sex". She said, she said that so that she could carry on doing what she was doing with her teddy on her side of the bed but still be playing the game. She says she went and lied next to her some time later and said something like "have you had sex yet" the younger replied no the older then said "why" the younger replied "i dont want to" the older then said something like "its not real". She said she wasn't encouraging her to physcially do anything it was just to say yes or no and that would be the difference in the game, it was more about acting grown up with someone else. In the end the younger didnt want to say yes so the older recalls saying something like "well we're going to have sex again" impying her and her "boyfriend" and moving down the bed. The older child recalls the younger child saying something like "i dont wanna play anymore " and went to leave the older remembers saying something like "wait we can play your game we can play shops". The younger child said ok and they played shops. The older child says she thinks she still had a boyfriend during the game and says when she was on her side of the bed she may have still humped and been "pretending to have sex". The younger child wasnt really interested in the older childs game and vise versa i think. The younger child left the game suddenly. She got out from under the covers. The older child remembers saying something like "wait for me, wait, I've got something to tell you". She says she can't remember if she did actually have anything to say she just wanted her to wait. She says she cant remember if she had to put her skirt or pants back on. But she came round and stood in front of the younger child and said something like " if mom or dad ask just say we were playing shops " the younger replied "why" the older then said "it doesn't matter just say we were playing shops" the younger then said "is that it" the older replied yes and the younger left. The older remembers waiting a little while as she was embarrassed before follwing. She then went downstairs and into the living room with her sister and parents. She cant remember what was said but she thinks they asked about what they were doing but she can't fully remember what was said by her or her sister. 
She says it was out of embarrassment that she didn't want her sister to tell about the boyfriend and girlfriend game. She says she didn't threaten her to keep it a secret. I know there was no touching or looking involved and it was a game of boyfriend and girlfriend that i think the older child played with the younger to try and create a grown up environemnt, i just dont no what to think. The older child confessed this and said it happened a few years ago so she would of been between 9 and 11. Im just a little concerned with the slight coercion at the start of the game and the secrecy. Although it wasnt coercion into sexual acts or activity between the 2 children im not sure if this is normal experimentation that may be slightly inappropriate or abuse. How should i respond to this? It happened in the past and the younger child doesnt seem to remember this game at all. It was only played once and i believe the coercion wasn't planned or the older child trying to over power the younger, it sounds like it was just something said in the moment. I've heard a lot of children say things like "how about we play my game then yours " or "I'm never playing with you again"if they don't get there own way during various different games but am just concerned with the slight sexual element here. Is this just inappropriate play? I've had advice off others saying this is just normal play that had inappropriate moments but I'm now getting concerned with the older child and ocd. For the last year she has had symptoms of ocd ( having to have things in a certain place and having to touch toys or other things a number of times before she can go to bed) and am concerned if this situation she remembers will be one she attaches guilt too and the ocd will flare up worse. Sorry for the long post just needed some advice.
Fran3
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:24 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Need Advice (child sexual experimentation + ocd)

Postby Scaredplshelp » Thu Jul 19, 2018 12:17 am

Hello,

Just want to start out by saying I have OCD, and I was also sexually abused by an adopted sociopathic cousin as a child. I identify with your daughter, as she is worried about her actions being inappropriate, as I have false memories (and one real one) of my brother and I rubbing against each other. I am pretty sure thats the furthest it went, but since I have OCD, I tend to zero in on things that do not have much significance. FYI, my brother and I are 3 years apart as well. I would say that the behavior that you have described falls into the normal category of childhood experimentation. If you do any research (I don't encourage this as it just strengthens the OCD hold), you will see that there are tons of people with our concerns and there are in fact many articles written about this subject. It is also a common OCD theme to dwell on these things, so maybe if symptoms keep presenting (i,e reassurance seeking) you can have your child see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Just try to relax :)
Scaredplshelp
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed May 03, 2017 10:56 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Need Advice (child sexual experimentation + ocd)

Postby Fran3 » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:18 am

Scaredplshelp wrote:Hello,

Just want to start out by saying I have OCD, and I was also sexually abused by an adopted sociopathic cousin as a child. I identify with your daughter, as she is worried about her actions being inappropriate, as I have false memories (and one real one) of my brother and I rubbing against each other. I am pretty sure thats the furthest it went, but since I have OCD, I tend to zero in on things that do not have much significance. FYI, my brother and I are 3 years apart as well. I would say that the behavior that you have described falls into the normal category of childhood experimentation. If you do any research (I don't encourage this as it just strengthens the OCD hold), you will see that there are tons of people with our concerns and there are in fact many articles written about this subject. It is also a common OCD theme to dwell on these things, so maybe if symptoms keep presenting (i,e reassurance seeking) you can have your child see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Just try to relax :)


Thank you for responding. First of all i would like to say I'm so sorry that happened to you, Thank you for responding to my post.
I have done some research online into both sexual behaviour in children and ocd. I do think like yourself that the behaviour i described above falls into the normal category however it did have inappropriate moments however talking about sexual behaviour and masturbating seem very common for children espeically around the ages i described, i guess the slight coercion at the start just made me and the older child initially concerned. Children can often be a little coercive in a variety of different settings and i dont believe like i said previously this was an attempt to over power the younger child, it was just said in the moment. She seems to be doing ok at the moment. ( the older child herself has looked up some stuff around this + i think that's where the overwhelming guilt escalated) hopefully she will understand that many many people do stuff when they are kids that they may feel embarrassed or even guilty about when they are older but have to understand they were a child. I think there is a very large gap between 'completely' normal sexual behaviour and abusive behaviour and alot of people fall into the area in the middle. I think in this situation its closer to normal than abusive however i just worry the older child will continue to dwell on this. Sorry for the long reply.
Fran3
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:24 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Need Advice (child sexual experimentation + ocd)

Postby Dnester » Fri Jul 27, 2018 12:17 am

The exact thing happened to me but I didnt get the help I needed. I developed Ocd and some other really bad things. Make sure she gets some therapy please. Had I had it things would likely be different.
Dnester
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 151
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:38 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 24, 2018 12:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 143 guests