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I give up it’s not Hocd

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I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby jbell777 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:31 am

This is probably my last time posting on here I think I figured out I’m gay i can masturbate to men now we’ll kinda a girl keeps popping up I have to work hard to get the image in there because it seems to make me happy or something and my heart or emtions have switched idk if it from all the obsessing or what. Idk all Ik when it first started it was hocd then it happened me and the love of my life broke up I kid you not it was the worse and hardest pain I still miss her, anyways I guess bout a month goes by I go visit a friend he’s liek let’s go party I’m liek yes maybe it’ll get my mind off of my ex. So we go and havin a good time drinkn some talking and ain’t gonna lie I was hurting but a girl caught my eye and then we started playing a game and there was a dare and I had to kiss someone well I wanted to kiss the girl over the dude but hey I was like in a pause anyways fast forward a dude turn comes up anyways he gets picked to kiss someone and has to do it on the neck he picks me and I’m like wtf and I said no then he was liek I’ll kiss your hand I was like no and everyone was like common and you can imagine the ocd running through my mind at that moment...they all finally convince me for him too kiss my arm I try to run away but they stop me so I turned away cause I didnr wanna see it had my eyes closed and I had on a long sleeve wind breaker, anyways I pull my arm free and when I do I feel something idk what it was if it was the dudes lips which ik that has to be some strong lips lol and a little wetness which idk what’s thst from probably the beers cause I mean they were pressing down on my arm and anyways it liek whatever that I liked it or the way it felt idk I, I just told myself it was my ocd caused I started getting scared went back to noticing the girl...but I keep thinkn what if I did, I’m gay or I have to be, did I get aroused no!!! Now it’s happened before where a dude kissed me joking and I was paying attention to that and I hated it in fact almost punched the guy in the face but that happening with my hocd it just made my life worse I tried dating apps to talk to dudes but everytime or if I do match with a dude I just cry and then with masturbation it takin me this long to where I could somewhat enjoy the thought of it but I tell myself everyday for two years I’m gay love boys don’t love girls. Does gay turn me on I can honestly say out of the million times I watched it I got hard to it 3 times maybe. Lesbian porn the girl don’t even have to take her clothes off and I got an erection. Same with gay images and I mean with those like the two times I got one they’re not even really erections cause they go away as fast as they start. I’ve talked to a gay guy on here bout this and he says I still sound straight as an arrow not even close to bi but my ocd has twisted my heart my emotion and I just can’t help but believ I’m in denial if anyone has an opinion it would help even Sagna anyone I just need some help please
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Re: I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby jbell777 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:49 pm

Anyone
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Re: I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby FreshGuy » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:59 pm

jbell777 wrote:Does gay turn me on I can honestly say out of the million times I watched it I got hard to it 3 times maybe. Lesbian porn the girl don’t even have to take her clothes off and I got an erection.


This alone tells me that you are straight!

You are not gay, you don't want to be kissed by guys. In the game you wanted to kiss a girl, not a guy and you didn't want him to kiss you.

I'm gay and you do not sound gay
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Re: I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby hocdsufferer » Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:17 pm

I've always watched straight porn and lesbian porn never aroused me that much so I have it worse. I l'm actually gay or bi because I almost can't masturbate if there is no guy, but it feels like I could to men only. I'm too scared to try because I know I could. I'm truly gay and I just don't want to accept it, it really is like that. I break down everytime I think of it. I've been in denial for 3 years now and I still think I am gay and I really don't want to be, but that's just denial. There is no help for me but to accept beinf gay which I can't do. I don't know how I'm going to live like this. And I'm just in denial and in closet like most gays are in the beginning.
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Re: I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby jbell777 » Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:28 am

FreshGuy wrote:
jbell777 wrote:Does gay turn me on I can honestly say out of the million times I watched it I got hard to it 3 times maybe. Lesbian porn the girl don’t even have to take her clothes off and I got an erection.


This alone tells me that you are straight!

You are not gay, you don't want to be kissed by guys. In the game you wanted to kiss a girl, not a guy and you didn't want him to kiss you.

I'm gay and you do not sound gay



I just don’t know why I keep thinkn what I felt I could’ve liked it or something idk, idek what I felt was the kiss and you right and sometimes I give and get on a gay dating site I can’t do it I just cry asking why, and I do know when a guy did actually kiss me one time and I got angry and wanted to punch the dude and you clearly read it all which is helpful and everyone tells me I’m not gay an ik at times it my head, I’ve tried the images in masturbation I just fell disgusted with myself I’m not homophonic in anyway but idk man ik my ocd was bad then and that’s two gay people say I don’t sound gay I just wish this would all go away and thank you

-- Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:29 pm --

Also after it I knew it wasn’t what I wanted I wanted her that girl

-- Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:31 pm --

Lol last thing a reply would be much appreciated
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Re: I give up it’s not Hocd

Postby jbell777 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 4:29 am

Lemm rephrase that I didnt enjoy the kiss I think you know what I meant to type which honestly you already answered my situation
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