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How I Overcame HOCD (My Story as a 19 Year Old Male)

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How I Overcame HOCD (My Story as a 19 Year Old Male)

Postby hockeyplayer39 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:01 am

My HOCD started when I went to a Yankees game and thought that Aaron Judge was good looking which caused me major anxiety hence why I developed HOCD.

It was August of 2017, I was going into my freshman year of college and hated life and suffered from this illness on and off (but mostly on). I lost all of my gains at the gym, became hopeless, and felt that my attraction that I once had for girls ever since I was a toddler would never come back. This went on for all of my freshman year but I learned about my "illness" and decided one day in May 2018. I AM NOT GAY! The fact that when I see a guy and the thought of being with him scares me and causes me fear most definitely proves that I only ever want to be with a girl. After about 2 1/2 weeks, my thoughts started to diminish and I got my life back together.

My opposite sex attraction is fully back, I'm not worried about the thoughts of being gay, I'm hanging out with my friends talking about girls, and I'm back to living my good life that I had before HOCD.

Here are commonly asked questions from my experience with HOCD that I always had that were never answered-

1. Will my opposite attraction ever come back?

Yes, I had lost my attraction for weeks on end and it would scare the crap out of me. That's just OCD. Your attraction that you've had ever since a little toddler leading up through adolescence will never leave you for good.

2. How do I get my attraction back and deal with anxiety of seeing same sex people everyday?

I just deleted anything that would enable me to look for an opposite attraction. I understand that it is hard when you are going to school or work and have to see the same sex and opposite sex every day. You just have to tell yourself (like I did) I am not gay, this is just OCD. The fact that this scares me proves I am not gay.

3. I am 13 years old and have been attracted to the opposite sex all of my life and the thought of turning gay scares me.

Your opposite sex attraction made you very happy and satisfied, right? And you see an "attraction towards the same sex" and it scares you, right? Like I said before, this proves that you're 100% straight. When I saw people say this on other HOCD forums, I never believed it. Trust me, it's true!!

4. WHY DO I GET A GROINAL RESPONSE WHEN I SEE THE SAME SEX?

I as well as many others have had the same thing. Did you ever get that nervous feeling when you saw the opposite sex and were attracted to it. I didn't think so. A groinal response during HOCD is completely normal and is a way of you being nervous.

I hope this helped anybody going through HOCD at the moment. I wish I had someone explain their story to me before I worried about HOCD. HOCD is so dumb and trust me, you can beat this and live your normal life that you had before HOCD. God bless you guys. Stay strong!! :D
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Re: How I Overcame HOCD (My Story as a 19 Year Old Male)

Postby Snaga » Thu Jun 14, 2018 5:46 am

An encouraging story. I think that these Pure O fears that involve intrusive thoughts, must be fought thru stubbornness. And putting things in perspective, something we quickly lose sight of. It sounds as if you found something that works for you. I really do believe the battle begins to be won, by making a conscious decision you are not gay, and sticking to it no matter what your brain screams at you.
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Re: How I Overcame HOCD (My Story as a 19 Year Old Male)

Postby Quango1 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:11 pm

I disagree with a few of these pointers...trying to fight it only makes it worse in my experience and by saying that "I'm definitely not gay" just begins that constant cycle of worry once more.
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Re: How I Overcame HOCD (My Story as a 19 Year Old Male)

Postby Snaga » Sun Jun 17, 2018 7:36 am

I agree about trying to fight the thoughts being of no use, if it's simply trying to resist them. Simply repeating I'm not gay, probably won't go far.

For me, it's both affirming what I know to be (in this case, Not Gay), while at the same time, deciding to not care if I am what I fear. And making an effort to decide to worry about it when it happens, not before.

So for HOCD, it would be telling my OCD that I'm not gay, and I don't care anyway, and I'll worry about being gay, when I find myself with another dude.

I happen to be bi so that's not my actual lines of thought, but if I were straight, it would be. In my case I'll worry when I stop liking boobies because I know darn well I like girls. And it's the same thing I do with intentional harm thoughts. I'm not a killer. I refuse to care if I kill, I'll worry about it when I do it, not before.

I don't see OCD as something that can be reasoned with. Has to be smacked down with moxie. The OP sounds as if they've found their moxie.
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