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***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:50 pm

jdd wrote:I know logic doesn't work when trying to figure out OCD or play by its rules but I just have had a difficult time trying to understand how OCD and a combination of porn/whatever could have made me feel like I've changed from who I thought I was growing up or I just never paid any mind of attention back then that I was feeling this way or lack of. So I seem more like its just that I'm explaining away this "noticed attraction" with OCD.



Refresh me, we're speaking of HOCD, right?
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:53 pm

Yes
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Wed Sep 23, 2015 3:59 pm

Because I have OCD... I have the wonderful ability to worry about anything. The capacity to obsess continuously. I've never had HOCD. But I'm sure I've applied the principles of OCD to my sexuality.

There is a difference. I've worried and obsessed and fretted and agonized like all y'all.

But... It never popped into my mind, 'what if'. What if I'm gay? Was never an initial thought. I wasnt upset thinking i might want a guy, i wanted a guy, and was upset because I didn't want to want a guy.

Then comes the worrying, agonizing, etc.

While to me it's often obvious that someone is HOCDing, it's hard for me to articulate the difference because my OCD affects so much that I do. However I do consider myself to be a little bit bi. And there is a difference, I think, between OCDing over being gay or bi (which, just like hocd, made me think I was more bi than I think I really am), and having plain old HOCD.

Forget porn. Forget groinal response. Those can be Pavloved into existence. I firmly believe if i masturbate long enough to pictures of giraffes, i will have a giraffe fetish in the end, which proves nothing except that I can get off to pictures of giraffes.

In a perfect world, what would you be? Straight? Gay? Both? No STDs, no snickering behind your back, no disapproval of society or family or moral code. If it would still be terrible worst thing in the world like so many posters here make it sound, I'm calling HOCD. If the thought of getting down and dirty with a guy only elicits an 'Ew.', I'm calling HOCD. If you don't think it'd be a shame to never walk on the wild side, I'm calling HOCD. What's your favorite thing about a guy? If there's not something in particular that really turns you on, I'm calling HOCD.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Wed Sep 23, 2015 4:21 pm

Hmmm. In a perfect world I would hope for mostly straight and in a perfect world it would be a choice which we still don't know enough about but have taken the backseat in terms of researching at this point. To me it still seems like the worst outcome because I would lose out on my chances with whom I really want to be with. I'm either eww or neutral/numb about it at this point. I wouldn't call any form of normal porn ewww though as its just people. Couldn't really tell you what my favorite thing is because I never really cared about them other than as friends. But I couldn't tell you that about most girls either anymore.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby gorillaspacecadet » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:30 pm

jdd wrote:I kind of wonder the same things. Like, I feel almost as though I must be lying whenever I have fill out the GAD-7 etc too.

Yes, I have that every time I've filled out the form. A feeling as if I'm over exaggerating and that the anxiety is not actually real. :(
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:14 pm

Yeah which ruins any sort of relief from going to see someone when you feel like you've just lied about the whole thing.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:01 pm

snaga2.0 wrote:Forget porn. Forget groinal response. Those can be Pavloved into existence. I firmly believe if i masturbate long enough to pictures of giraffes, i will have a giraffe fetish in the end, which proves nothing except that I can get off to pictures of giraffes.


Err isn't that just going through the motions though. Wouldn't cause blood flow instantly that feels more like beginnings of arousal.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:49 am

But if I conditioned myself to get off to giraffes? Eventually thinking about giraffes would get me excited.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Thu Sep 24, 2015 12:51 am

And what if I did that with straight porn all these years but led to stuff with guys etc? And was always anyway.

Or that this is just a "waking up" rather than latent or whatever?
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:11 am

Led to... Gay porn, you mean?
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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