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***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Lockheed » Fri Sep 11, 2015 7:40 pm

Artninja1995 wrote:I'm feeling flipping awful. Worse than how I've been feeling. It feels like the OCD has almost pretty much convinced me that I am lesbian or trans. Or at least, thats what it feels like anyway...Ugh, just looking at the words and typing or saying it makes me feel really awful.

But I know i was never like this before! I just know it!


This sounds very odd:

Accept the fact that you may be lesbian or trans. Tell yourself that you don't know for sure and that's okay. That way, you'll calm down. Keep telling yourself that you don't know for sure and that this fact is okay when you get a new spike. Eventually things get easier.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:17 am

Yeah, sometimes really embracing that being gay or bi is NOT the end of the world, seems to lessen the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts. I don't think I've been classically HOCD, I'm sure I've applied my OCD to the conundrum but fact is I'll never be a perfect Zero on the Kinsey Scale, no matter what I want to be. Once I really and truly accepted that, however, both the degree to which I felt bi, and the anxiety it caused, lessened considerably. I'm much, much less upset than I used to get. Mind you though, I've not had classic HOCD. However, I know with my other intrusive thoughts and checking behaviors, a healthy dose of '###$ it if I do that i do it, I don't care' does help break the cycle.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Sat Sep 12, 2015 4:31 am

I think most people's fear with HOCD is being on the complete opposite end of the kinsey scale at the highest value. Or on one specific side that they'd rather not be than in the middle. In rational sense, I don't think most people would be too worried over being a 1 over a random thought vs a 0.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 12, 2015 4:48 am

OCD all about extremes
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Sat Sep 12, 2015 4:58 am

Very true. I don't know how I'm feeling lately seems kinda poor. Doesn't help that I have not taken my fluvoxamine since Monday night. Will get them tomorrow.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:48 am

Not knowing is the worst part. And the possibility of finding out it being true. Which I know is mostly impossible of being the complete opposite if you weren't but I don't know if I wasn't at this point.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Lockheed » Mon Sep 14, 2015 10:38 pm

Try to see it from the point of view that the world doesn't end if your fears were true. This way, your brain can eventually handle the anxiety and you break through your vicious circle. When you reach that, your anxiety will eventually subside.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby jdd » Mon Sep 14, 2015 11:34 pm

I guess, but to me it would.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Fractal_Queen » Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:33 am

I was just freaking out about having borderline-pd because I realized my friend whom i'm romantically into isn't into me. Still kind of messed up about it. How could I think he felt that way? I knew I had nothing concrete to back it up, but I still believed it just because my feelings were in the way. And like, I've been struggling with feelings of emptiness for years now. At this point they've kind of morphed into feelings of me not being a person, but I think that still counts.

I just looked up the symptoms again and I think I can say it's not likely that I have it. This whole thing is making me think of why i'm so terrified of personality disorders. I think it's because when I think I have one, I don't see where to go/what to do to fix it, so I feel like i'll have it forever and as a result my relationships will be sick relationship-analogues. IDKIDK. I'm worried about how much I'm worried about having problems that other people have.

Feeling a spike subside is always great, but I still feel like there's something I'm missing. I think my OCD takes something there and blows it up, but no one who knows me or therapists or other mental health people ever seem to think there's anything wrong with me. I feel like I have to find the substrate of my fears or I'll be incomplete forever and not really be a person. That kinda sounds like more OCD, though. bleh.

I want to go back and try to figure out more reasons why I might have bPd, just to be on the safe side, but that's more OCD. I have no idea how I'm ever going to escape this.

Thanks for reading <3
Use it.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Wed Sep 16, 2015 1:40 am

I've worried I'm BPD.

And a sociopath.

AsPD.

NPD.

All that.

Never been quite an OCD obsession, though. Just thinking I have those things at one time or another, although my money would be on me being a little BPD.

But.... Something you have to remind yourself, and I remind myself, is that EVERYONE has traits of personality disorders. It's only a disorder when it becomes debilitating, right? Gets blown out of proportion to the other facets of personality. Right? Too much of anything becomes a pathology. Or something. So sure, you're going to act BPD sometimes. Anyone is. God especially when you've got it hard for someone. Omg if I have a bad crush I act like a damn crazy person. I don't LIKE having real bad crushes. Messes me up too much. Anyway I've never OCD'd over PDs but i could easily see it happening to one of us here in OCD. Just for some reason doesn't bother me, almost wish i had one to blame my behavior on, ha. I'd find having one fascinating, you know, so long as i wasn't a sociopath or something. That'd scare hell out of me. That would probably be my PD-OCD hook, if i allowed myself to cogitate on it. Soooooo I'm going to close out this reply and not think about it....
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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