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***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Otter » Fri Aug 21, 2015 1:06 am

When I came to this forum I had been living with, and very aware, of OCD for over 25 years. I had never heard of HOCD, POCD and TOCD. It didn't take me long to understand what was happening because they all act like, and ARE OCD. H/T/P OCD are not given as a clinical diagnosis, OCD is.

Even though I haven't looked into it, I think it is safe to assume these things are relatively new. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they came about, and were given a name, by the people who have been suffering these themes, and then adopted into the culture of OCD when word spread.

More to the point, I have had fifty-plus OCD themes/fears/flavors, etc that appear no where and are probably unique to me. In fact, before I came to this forum, I thought I was alone in some of the "weirder" ones. But after I became a mod, some members would PM me and tell me some of their, what they thought, odder "obsessions" because they were too embarrassed to post them publicly.

It was then that I found someone else who was also having the same unique "What ifs..." as I was. I was shocked.

Obsessive OCD thoughts are a placeholder for ANYTHING you can think of - and if you don't find a lot of your "fears" online or anywhere else, you are no closer to your fear being the truth.

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby InAshes » Fri Aug 21, 2015 3:16 am

@snaga: The child in me who had his dreams crushed by the realization that pokemon would never exist loves being called ash haha. And even though you give answers containing potentially anxiety inducing wiggle room I appreciate the sentiment and try to accept that little bit of ambiguity as a chance to practice dealing with potential uncertainty.

@Otter: You are right. It would be impossible to catalog all of the different possible obsessions. Thank you for all your help.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Fri Aug 21, 2015 4:19 am

Oh no. no no no, Ash. I definitely meant an OCD duck.


Otter said it. OCD is OCD is OCD is OCD. Just different flavours.

I actually had a much longer post but decided I was talking too much. I originally was, like, I would look askance at any therapist that took you by the hand and tried to drag you, without further adieu, into GID-land. To me that sounds like either sloppy therapy, or someone with an agenda. I'd be like, let's take care of the OCD first THEN see how you feel.....

I've had mild gender issues before (I look nothing like my avatar). I'm OCD. I know what each feels like, and you feel like OCD to me.

I can't say that with authority- it's against the rules here, it's also very presumptuous of me, it's glib, it's boorish. I'm not a know-it-all. But if I was to bet you're suffering from OCD, I don't think I'd lose my money.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby InAshes » Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:36 am

That wasn't the part that left wiggle room, that I understood don't worry. And If i were not so medicated the "lets see how you feel" part would spike me but i am so I'm indifferent :)

I'm sorry you have suffered twice over with different things. And I also apologize for making something you have out to be the plague/ worst thing ever. I did the same thing once on an als forum and i will never forgive myself for it.

I have been Diagnosed already with ocd once I believe (they don't take out a big stamp and slap it on my forehead so I can never be certain what exactly they wrote down) so betting on me having ocd is nearly a sure thing... hahaha nearly gotta love my mind.

I'm feeling much better. I'm down from the near 10 out of 10 level of anxiety i felt on Monday all the way to about a 3/4. What i am struggling with now is a moderate depressive feeling. not sure I can do anything about that right now except just keep plugging. I've been here before after i burnt myself out after my last ocd episode (what i term the times when I can't even eat). I keep getting the intrusive thoughts and for the most part i am able to resist the physical checking but the mental reassurance seeking is too fast about a 3rd of the time. Not sure why the depression comes but i hypothesize that it is caused by not giving my brain the chemical high it wants when i succesfully complete some ritual. But Idk.

Oh well enough about me. I wish more people would post in this thread so I didnt feel like I was hijacking it.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Otter » Sat Aug 22, 2015 3:04 am

InAshes wrote:Oh well enough about me. I wish more people would post in this thread so I didnt feel like I was hijacking it.


I'm glad you're feeling better Ashes. Post away, you're not highjacking anything. Most people post when they spike, so I wanted this thread (and any thread) to be a place where (hopefully) even posting could help a bit. But even if you're not spiking, post away.

I'm feeling a bit UP. In addition to OCD, I am also Bipolar and other things. When my mania kicks in, so does my OCD. But even with Mania, I still power over my OCD, such is the work I have done.

But I still have moments where compulsions try to take hold...

*TW* descriptions of compulsions follow

I will still pick up something at the store, and wonder if I took the right one. Like picking up a container of mixed nuts. As I take the container the from the shelf and walk away, I can feel the anxiousness eating at me, because I didn't *think* enough, and examine all of the same containers, looking for the "right one"

*TW* descriptions of extreme compulsions follow

But this is nothing compared to the old days. In recent years I have been talking to close family members and friends who have wondered what my battle with OCD was like. They are shocked by the symptoms, unaware of the severity to which these things can escalate. For instance, when I was driving home from work, my compulsions would get so strong, I would have to turn away form the direction I was going, because if I didn't, I felt terrified something would happen. And then it would tell me to drive miles in the wrong direction, take highways I didn't need to take, etc. They are stunned when I tell them that I used to live fifteen minutes from work, but it would take me four hours to get home.

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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:08 am

You're not hijacking anything, Ash. That's what this thread is for, like Otter says.

Oh no, don't apologise to me, you said nothing out of line. I may be a scwewy wabbit, but I'm not trans. And yeah, being trans would be a headache. For me, it wouldn't have been the end of the world in the same sense as someone who is OCD'ing it. It would have sucked, but not in the same way.

In any event, I'm glad you're feeling better! And keep posting!

**possible triggers ahead**

Otter... wow. I've... had a little driving OCD, well, paranoia, really, but never done that. Although I knew a woman who would only make right turns. It got very interesting riding in the car with her.

Your nuts remind me of one time, 30 years ago I guess, I was buying my sister and myself portable stereos. I went to three malls where I was living at the time, all across town from each other, during the height of the Xmas season, to the store that carried them, and listened very carefully to each variation of the same model, noting the country of manufacture (some were Japan, some Korea) and took a cassette to test out... I spent... quite a lot of time to find the most perfect sounding ones. They had to sound PERFECT. I did not think I was being OCD at the time.... inf I had completely forgotten about that. Until your story.

You think..... ?
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby InAshes » Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:32 pm

trigger warning

Mornings are always the hardest for me. My anxiety kicks in the second I open my eyes. and then I feel out of control all through my shower, having random groinal responses/ asshole tightening cringes at every thought. I really have no idea how I am ever going to get past the fact that I was moderately turned on (got to half staff) watching a few female pov videos. no matter what I tell myself i will always remember that. it will creep in during the times when I am happy and be even stronger when I am down. I can't believe after suffering from hocd for so long being super attracted to women has turned on me.

As far as driving goes. I have gone through periods where i would check police crime activity to make sure I didnt hit anyone/ I would double back if I thought i heard a sound. worried i hit an infant or something.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Snaga » Sat Aug 22, 2015 3:41 pm

InAshes wrote:I have gone through periods where i would check police crime activity to make sure I didnt hit anyone/ I would double back if I thought i heard a sound. worried i hit an infant or something.


Wouldn't be OCD if I didn't run over invisible people now and again.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby chispy21 » Sat Aug 22, 2015 4:18 pm

**trigger warning***

I am shy guy in general (social anxiety).
I am very shy infront of girls and I worry what they will say, will girls notice me, will they reject me, I am afraid when talk to them that I will lose conversation and I even worry what my parents will think when I am infrotn of someone (not only girls, guys) and combined with HOCD it said that it's becasue I dont like girls and I was tired of this $#%^ and I said "Maybe, everyone have possibility, everyone must live with doubt" and this spiked me, it fed so much HOCD that I feel that I turned gay for this.
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Re: ***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Postby Otter » Sun Aug 23, 2015 2:33 am

^I think you are heterosexual and shy.

To everyone - I apologize, I put Trigger Warning in my post. You don't have to do that, because the thread already has a Trigger Warning. My fault. Sorry.
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