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Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:32 pm

I had a little breakthrough yesterday. I think my meds started working or my real feelings showed up again. My ROCD was killing me and I broke down realizing I love her to death (I ended up doubting it but at least my real feelings came up) and I have also fears of abandonment.

Should I consider this a good thing?
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Otter » Wed Jun 25, 2014 2:45 am

I'm not sure what you are saying here, Alan. You say your meds started working (which I assumed to be a good thing), but then you say your ROCD was killing you and you have fears of abandonment. Are you saying this is getting better?
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby bendib » Wed Jun 25, 2014 7:11 am

Alanator, please elaborate, we don't get it.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:45 pm

The meds kinda tackled my rOCD. They made me realize that I love her and all that.

My porn recovery is going quite well... but there's a porn induced(I hope it is) desire/fetish that feels real.

It's me seeing her having sex with another man, while I'm watching. I've never wanted that in my whole life... cuckolding was never a desire for me before porn. It's like with HOCD... the desire is there, yet you would never want it. Can this be OCD? My anxiety is over the roof when it comes to that, yet I feel aroused by it :((

Is this OCD combining with the stupid porn?
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Otter » Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:32 pm

Just because you have never had a desire before, doesn't mean you can't have it at some point. Also, we sometimes have fantasies that we would in no way want to have happen in real life.

However, in your case, because you suffer OCD, it is quite possible the whole thing can be intrusive thoughts. Like most of these intrusive thoughts you are not going to want this to happen if you really don't want it to happen.

Porn combined with OCD will cause troubles on so many different levels. Even though it's the anxiety that fuels the OCD, porn can trigger many different thoughts that the OCD will use to manifest intrusive thoughts and fears.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Fri Jul 04, 2014 12:16 pm

Off porn for over 3 weeks now, the withdrawl symptoms are kicking in. Also, my Harm OCD came back too (I realized I had it during my childhood days) with thoughts about raping, harming and killing my gf.
She almost killed herself yesterday and I was breaking down and now my Harm OCD says stuff like "You wish she did it". I don't get it how I feel better and then it gets worse and worse. :(

Is this Harm OCD? I HATE seeking reassurance but just letting it be in my head scares the hell out of me, because I'm scared of it being real :(
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby bendib » Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:12 pm

Yes man. It's just OCD.

You need to maybe see a psych, maybe the medications can help if you get the right ones. Different people respond to different pills, but give it a go.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:22 pm

I'm waiting for an appointment currently. I really can't wait to see my psych.

I recently saw and read something about a video that people watched and that they ended up being killed by a doll or something like that. And I kind of watched it (before I read it.) and now I'm freakin out over it. I'm trying not to research or engage with my thoughts. It's extremely scary though.

It was a creepy pasta from what I know. But yeah, I gotta be very careful with OCD.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Sun Aug 03, 2014 9:49 pm

Ugh... I think OCD is comin up with bodily responses... I feel like touching my nipples turns me on and stuff, while it makes me anxious. I don't like it..
Will this ever go away?
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby bendib » Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:10 am

Alanator wrote:Ugh... I think OCD is comin up with bodily responses... I feel like touching my nipples turns me on and stuff, while it makes me anxious. I don't like it..
Will this ever go away?

Yes, if you decide you don't give a damn anymore. Read this: obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html
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