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Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Otter » Sun May 25, 2014 11:03 pm

Alanator wrote:
What do you mean by "It's difficult to tell while might be symptoms OCD and what might be something else. "

I kind of doubt everything at the moment :/


Even though one might suffer OCD it is not a catchall for all symptoms and behaviors. Most people I know who have OCD have other things going on in their life. This is why therapy is important. Therapy helps break up symptoms and attempts to find the cause for the problems someone is suffering.

For instance, jealousy is not generally caused by OCD. It may be worsened by anxiety, and it may make OCD-like symptoms worse, but it is not the root cause for jealousy. One can be obsessive about their partner cheating on them, but that doesn't mean it has its roots in OCD. Self-esteem issues, anger management issues, depression, and other things can also cause obsessive thoughts, but they are not treated the same way OCD is.

The danger of self diagnosis is that it can become a habitual excuse for things that have nothing to do with what the person has self diagnosed themselves with.

You clearly have anxiety issues, and I have had some of the same intrusive, OCD, thoughts. But I can't say I see OCD in everything.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Mon May 26, 2014 7:57 pm

I see. I have come to experience a huge amount of distress when having those thoughts and I'm turning numb again. It's a vicious cycle.

It feels like every single thought is being evaluated and the worst part of it picked out.
It's nervewrecking.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Otter » Mon May 26, 2014 8:45 pm

The huge distress is anxiety. The thoughts are an after effect. This is why people jump from fear to fear. If you strip away the thoughts you will still have the huge distress. That is why every thought is evaluated for the worst part of it - it is going through the same machine - anxiety.

I’m sorry you are agonizing. I remember these days.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Mon May 26, 2014 10:54 pm

Yes, I can tell. But I'm kind of optimistic about this, gonna see my doc soon anyways. (Again)

Anxiety is mostly combined with guilt and regrets. I also happen to experience a false reality or depersonalisation (or however you spell it.) But like I said, I'm optimist.

It's a huge plus having your partner on your side, supporting you.

Thanks for the reply, Otter. I'll keep y'all updated from time to time.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:37 pm

Hey... another update from my side.

I'm on homeopathic meds at the moment and they kind of lessened the anxiety but my thoughts are still there and I feel somewhat numb.

Also, my OCD latches on almost everything possible!

Can OCD make you feel like feared of becoming a rapist or anything? I'm literally done.
Why is life so #######5? (I feel like throwing up as soon as my thoughts kick in)
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:00 pm

I'm off porn now for about a week or so (sticking to it now forreal.) but I'm somewhat masturbating still.
I'd usually masturbate until I cum without ejaculating (edging) since my girlfriend and I want to do it more frequently now (on cam, since it's a long distance thing) but anyhow, I noticed the days without masturbating - about 4-5 days that(until today.) my attraction and love to her was coming slightly back along with doubts but it was there.

So, today I was doing my edging routine again and I ended up taking a break while being really turned on (I'd do it to her pics and they got me going) and while taking a break I was browsing instagram (I touched myself like once or twice but I stopped as I noticed that it'd be somewhat of a relapse) and then saw a pic of a chick in a bikini and I ejaculated without even touching myself or anything!

And now I'm feeling depressed, guilty and obsessing again. My ROCD is kickin back in like before.
I personally think, that sex/masturbation (if you're/were addicted to porn) can somewhat cause OCD (right?)

I even get a little anxious when I think about sex... could be linked to HOCD as well but yeah, I literally feel like a different person. I'm suicidal as hell again, hope I can get some advice on this :((
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby bendib » Wed Jun 18, 2014 10:48 am

It's not possible to turn gay. You're straight. It's HOCD. You're straight. Everything you told me makes me think you're really, really straight. Relax. Don't keep checking though because checking only makes Pure O worse. It never helps and it's actually impossible for it to help. It will only make the OCD stronger. I stopped an attempted POCD come on by recognizing what was trying to start and deciding not to give it any attention.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:55 pm

Hey, thanks for the post. I'm literally latchin on everything that confronts me... currently I'm pickin up harm ocd and I get intrusive thoughts about my girlfriend... like hurting or raping her.

Another thing is that I find to "enjoy" the gay thoughts, is that common? When I realize I enjoyed it I get somewhat anxious, yet I feel like I'm in denial.

Finally, I recently read an article about emotional affairs and now I'm obsessing whether or not I have one... my OCD (if it's OCD idk) is so tormenting! I get spiked by everything so easily :(
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Otter » Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:26 am

Alanator wrote:Also, my OCD latches on almost everything possible!


This is an indication that your anxiety is out of control, Alan. The subsequent words/posts confirm it, as it's hard to even know what OCD "fear" you exactly have because it is bouncing around so much. Are you having panic attacks?

I'm glad you are off the porn, please stick with it. Nothing wrong with masturbation as long as it isn't completely dominated by the anxiety. In my worst days masturbation became a means of trying to lessen the anxiety. It really lost it's pleasurable impact.

Although it may be hard to do, it's important to take look around and see what might be adding fuel to the fire, regarding your anxiety. Make a list if you have to. See if there is any dysfunctional aspects that have become obsessive in your life.

For instance, I have a young friend who spends all of his time on his computer. He recently had a breakdown and got some meds for his anxiety. But he refuses to leave his room, and his computer. It's like dark cave during the day. The meds will be a false fix because his body needs the activity, the light.

Things like that.

As I have said a few times here, do your best to turn off the "conversation" in your heard. It's hard to stop the thoughts, but maybe you can stop the conversations with yourself. Catch them as they start and occupy yourself with something objective and interactive. Something that occupies your mind.

Trying to get better on your own is a commitment to a plan and then trying to work that plan.
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Re: Pure O ; HOCD ; ROCD; (POCD?) - Can't take it anymore.

Postby Alanator » Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:52 pm

Yeah, I get obsessed with new things daily. So tormenting.

I'm staying off the porn and I think I have developed an erectile dysfunction, cause I can't get it up without porn - and I hate the groinal responses when I get unwated porn thoughts. Combined with ROCD it's hell.

I think I'll stay off masturbation too, in order to "reboot" properly. I'm anxious when I think about sex, because I'm afraid of never being able to have sex and that my porn addiction will be there forever.
But according to some websites it'll be alright if you commit to a change. Maybe the OCD will lessen if I stay off it long enough.

I can say that on some days my themes get better but ROCD is the one that's always present and it feels so real :(

I wanna be madly in love with her again, have that attraction again (I admit, I wasn't 100% attracted to her at first but it kinda grew through the emotional binding too). But why does OCD screw me up so hard? I hate how I end up being attracted to other women and asking "what if you wanna be with her?" - It's a typical ROCD thing I guess but it's tormenting. I hate how I notice her flaws and end up obsessing about them - I feel like a horrible person... Nauseous all the time when it comes to my OCD. I'm also extremely anxious when we're videochatting (It's a long distance thing in case you forgot) and I find myself questioning and analyzing the situation. We're supposed to meet in October and I'm scared of acting on my ROCD thoughts.

I'm willing to make the commitment and stay with her and work on myself because I love her and I want to make it work! (I'll end up doubting it LOL) I even consider marrying her so I guess there's hope.
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