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Scrupulosity and Video Games, Media in General/ anyone else?

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Scrupulosity and Video Games, Media in General/ anyone else?

Postby bp4Christ » Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:24 pm

I have scrupulosity, although I am not Catholic or Jewish. The ritual of Catholicism actually does appeal to me though. I like to see myself as strictly a Jesus following Christian, however some might categorize me as Protestant.

I really struggle with pretty much all forms of entertainment, particularly music, japanese animation, and video games. I love horror movies and all kinds of non-Christian stuff as well, but I feel extremely guilty for liking it, much less watching, listening to, or playing it.

I really like RPG games, but I really struggle with the content in them. I always feel this guilt with the above mentioned entertainment, and feel like I am being convicted in my spirit not to do it, yet I do anyway. Now exposure therapy has entered the equation, and my conscience is saying "Oh yeah, this sinful stuff you want to play, watch, etc. is now available to you because you can call it an exposure, even though you know it is wrong! You are going to stand before God in judgement, and he is going to tell you that you knew it was wrong, yet were disobedient, and did it anyway despite the conviction you felt in your spirit, and you're going to hell!"

I love anime, but I really struggle with the way it portrays women. I don't care for all of the giant, wobbly bouncing breasts, up skirt shots, etc. I love the art, and the action, but the portrayal of women is very bothersome. I pastor would tell me to stay away from it because it could lead me to sin, but it is something I really like. I feel guilt over pretty much all entertainment sources I like, because they are all pretty much "not Christian oriented."

Going back to RPG games, I am trying to play Dragon Age Origins right now, but I am struggling because there is sex in it, scantily clad women, and you can make a deal with a demon in the game. It doesn't help that there are demons in the game, period. My therapist wants me to actually make the deal with the demon in the game, and she is going to do it as well. She is a very devout, published Christian with a Masters Degree in Divinity. She trying to get me to understand that even if the demons have real demon names, they are just characters in the game, and if I make a deal with them in the game, it is not the same as doing it in real life.

However, in my mind, I feel like I am really doing it in real life, and that I have sold my soul to Satan, or given my soul to a demon if I do that, even in the game. I have lots of mental/internal compulsions in my mind because of my fear of selling my soul to Satan, and my extreme fear of going to hell, whether or not I am saved, etc. I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart, and I believe He is the only way to heaven, but I screw up so much, struggle with sin, and I wonder if I really love him enough because I don't go to church anymore, I don't feel like praying or spending time with Him, or even reading my Bible. I have to have this long, drawn out prayer to even eat. I have to ask God to protect me from choking on my food, and even to prevent me from biting my tongue, lips, or cheeks as I eat (terribly painful). If I don't do this, they might happen.

I like AC/DC's music, but a lot of there lyrics are really bad, and I am afraid to even sing along to them. My favorite band is Queen, but I struggle with some of there song lyrics, such as "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me," and "I am the God of Kingdom Come, give me the prize," etc.

I am so sorry to ramble. When one starts to talk about one's symptoms and compulsions, it feels like dumping out an overflowing bathtub, and I want to make sure I tell everyone everything, and not miss anything, so they can completely understand. I also have this fear of posting online because I am afraid of some of my terrible intrusive thoughts Freudian slipping into my posts. Consequently, I constantly have to re-read what I type just in case. As an exposure, I am not going to re-read this post. Please forgive me if anything bad is in it. I am not a bad person, and it is my OCD thoughts if they are in this post.

Does anyone experience what I am experiencing? Does anyone understand. This is my first time being open like this online, and also my first time posting on an OCD board. It takes a lot of courage, especially because of some of the subject matter our Obsessions deal with. It makes me afraid the police are going to come get me, even though I am not a criminal. God bless you all, and even if you are not a Christian, I am sorry if I sound judgmental, and please know that is not my intention. Please feel free, one and all, to provide your insights, no matter what your beliefs or religion. Thank you to all of you who respond, and who also take the time to read this post in its entirety. God bless you all.

-- Thu Mar 14, 2013 4:32 pm --

I forgot to say that there are so many games I want to play, such as final fantasy, Elder Scrolls, Demons Souls, Dark Souls, and many others, but I can't because of the demonic summons, deals with demons, etc.

I also can't even hear the words GD in anything, otherwise I feel like by hearing it in my head, I said it in my head, and therefore said it, and I have to pray for forgiveness over and over and over again until I feel like the prayer is sufficient enough for God to forgive me. But then I am praying vain repetitions, which Jesus said not to do.
Proud follower of the Lord Jesus Christ! OCD sufferer.
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Re: Scrupulosity and Video Games, Media in General/ anyone e

Postby FlyingPurple » Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:54 pm

Hi, don't feel alone. I've had scrupulosity since I was a kid and I'm 28 now. All the things you mention, ACDC, anime, Elder Scrolls is NORMAL STUFF for young people to like. I promise you Jesus isn't going to punish you for liking it. My problem is - every time I hear or read anything about demons I become obsessed that I'm going to hear or see demons so I keep having to say a prayer - the same one - to Jesus in my head. I know these things aren't real, but they keep popping into my head. I wish I could say more to make you feel better.
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Re: Scrupulosity and Video Games, Media in General/ anyone else?

Postby NSPeaceHope » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:17 am

I realize this is five years old as a post but I read this and it's uncanny how similiar your symptoms are to mine. I wish you well friend
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