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OCPD or NPD - Dating

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OCPD or NPD - Dating

Postby SurDeFil » Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:00 pm


I am 26 years old and have never really been in a relationship. Some time ago I met a guy and I clicked with right away. Ws had a lot in common - interests, sense of humour but also personality. I really liked that he is ambitious, smart, a good organizer, articulate and caring. However over time he started to reveal more and more about himself. He told me he is a perfectionist, doesn't like changes, he likes to organize everything, and that he might have OCD (checking door locks multiple time - he was never diagnosed) and he is melancholic and sanguine at the same time and it seems difficult for him sometimes. OCD part worried by a bit as I don't know much about it but I decided to continue to see him as we really were getting along. He said he needs to have everything under control - I asked if he can let go sometimes. He said only if he trust someone or believe in something. He also said that feelings and need for control kind of mix for him. He admitted that he tends to be short tempered but empathetic and sometimes feels urge to be "a knight in shining armour" for others. At times he would say that he is good at something and sometimes he would criticise himself. At this time I thought he might be covert NPD - need for control, being short tempered, calculating, very pragmatic, saying of himself that he is empathetic (seems fake for me when people say good things about themselves instead of just showing how good they are) and I decided it will not work for me. However, few days ago I heard about OCPD for the first time in my life and I discovered that he actually might be OCPD and also that.. I am OCPD myself (maybe that's why we understood each other so well). Due to anxiety and stress related health problems and problems with relations with other people and myself I am planning to start therapy. I am aware my stubbornness, need for perfection and constant tension are a problem and want to change that. I think the guy I told you about has quite a good insight but seems to have difficulties with changing it. Do you think might have OCPD? I would never tolerate someone controlling me but maybe it would be possible to influence him somehow (?).
Sorry for any mistakes - I am not native English speaker.
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Re: OCPD or NPD - Dating

Postby Akuma » Thu Apr 25, 2019 10:08 am

Differential diagnosis for OCPD and NPD on a psychodynamic basis is impossible for a layperson imo. Also your concern seems to be primarily that you want someone you can control but that wont try to control you back, as you imply in your last sentence - but trying to figure out if that might happen by trying to diagnose a person is already control-freak behaviour and pretty unrealistic on top of that. Id not waste any more time on that.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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