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*TW* Lucid Nightmares

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*TW* Lucid Nightmares

Postby AnnieOymous » Sat Dec 10, 2016 6:31 pm

Hello,

Just as a preface I don't think I suffer from a nightmare disorder. I have infrequent nightmares. But something I noticed about the nightmare I had last night got me thinking and made me want to write it down somewhere to keep track of it.

When I was 17 I left an abusive home, and moved in with my Dad. I started having a reoccurring nightmare. My mother would chase me around the neighborhood, and eventually kill me by stabbing me to death. I could feel the pain from the dream. Sometimes i'd be barefoot, and could feel how cold my feet were. Or I'd snag myself on a fence trying to get over it. It was very realistic, and very, very scary. I would stop sleeping for awhile to avoid the dream.

One day I had the dream and noticed that I was able to make decisions in the dream. Like, "Oh god, she's right behind me. I'm never going to be able to out run her. But maybe the neighbors can help". So then I'd go knock on a door. Or I could make myself run a little faster, and think "she can't actually run this fast" and she'd slow down. One day I felt like I "defeated" the dream when in a fit of rage I murdered her at the end instead of the other way around. I stopped having the dream after that.

Not very often, as I mentioned before, I will have a nightmare. But my nightmares are now more tiresome than scary because instead of being something I'm forced to watch, I'm thinking the whole time. A bomb is about to go off, and I have to walk through getting together food and water together and how I plan to escape. I'm being robbed at gun point, and I have to figure out how to talk the thief down. It feels like tedious hours and hours of thinking and planning, and I actually have trouble waking up on those days because I want to see how the story ends. I once saved everyone on the Titanic by chopping up the wooden deck and making more life boats. Its ridiculous.

Last night I had a dream particularly similar to my original nightmare. My In-laws slowly cut off my connections to the outside world, my phone, computer, car, etc. They trapped me in their house. I didn't think much of it until it was too late, and I was stuck. Then they told me it was so I could undergo conversion therapy. Weirdly, my brother was there, as was my childhood swimming pool. He told me something hurtful I can't remember and popped all of the inflatable pool tools. Leave it to dreams to be weird.
Anyway, the rest of the dream was me trying to escape being trapped. Trying to get help. Trying to avoid being abused. Running, in the cold, to knock on doors. Trying to call the police. Trying to drive away. The same theme as that first nightmare. A constant trial and error. If calling the police didn't work I'd end up back in the same room and have to start over.

My mind is one of those escape games you plan online, except it does it to me while I'm sleeping, and I wake up really late and really tired.
AnnieOymous
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