When you have screwed things up beyond repair, nothing matters anymore.
I'm not depressed. I'm not happy. I'm just an it now.
Things that I thought were real problems were not psychological, just medical. Things that I thought could be psychologically resolved because of medical impact, now healthy, go back to hollow.
It's not even a hollow that needs to be filled. It's just mehness.
I thought I loved - but now I can't retrace ...