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Questions About Relationships From Nons

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Re: what do we do when we realise that our best friend is a narc

Postby Akuma » Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:26 am

Someone says "we" a lot.
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Re: what do we do when we realise that our best friend is a narc

Postby Hebi » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:15 pm

Akuma wrote:Someone says "we" a lot.


I was curious as to why the narration seems to jump from first person, to second person. I feel like I read about the psychological significance of that somewhere, but it escapes me....
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Re: what do we do when we realise that our best friend is a narc

Postby doash » Fri Oct 20, 2017 12:58 am

I was curious as to why the narration seems to jump from first person, to second person. I feel like I read about the psychological significance of that somewhere, but it escapes me....


doash wrote:What should you do when you realise that your best friend is a narcissist?

There are some obvious and common outcomes that you really need to avoid,

its important to stop seeing oneself as a victim. Take some responsibility. I drew this person into my life. I welcomed him into my life. I have felt strong feelings of love and affection for him. He is my best friend.

we draw our friends to us and so if your best friend is a narcissist, then you’ve drawn him to you for a reason. Finding out how and why you have drawn him/her to you is a valuable learning experience.

however,when it gets to the point that you feel that something is intolerable, then you really do need to get proactive, and thinking about your options. If you don’t do this, then there’s a good chance that you and your friend will end up in a big raging argument, saying cruel things that cannot be taken back, and falling out totally for good.

In these paragraphs I identify a problem and I describe it in second person because I want the audience to identify with it. I'm trying to offer some advice to anyone who may recognise themselves to be in a similar situation.
Hebi wrote:
Akuma wrote:Someone says "we" a lot.


For the rest of the passage (except for the historical anecdote) I speak about my experience and and especially my experience together with friends.
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Re: what do we do when we realise that our best friend is a narc

Postby Hebi » Fri Oct 20, 2017 2:12 am

doash wrote:In these paragraphs I identify a problem and I describe it in second person because I want the audience to identify with it. I'm trying to offer some advice to anyone who may recognise themselves to be in a similar situation.


OH. Sorry. My bad. I was confused. I couldn’t identify with it as part of your audience because I have a PD and I get annoyed when people pretend to be professionals and diagnose their friends with PDs just because they aren’t the center of attention. If you don’t like your friend, then just don’t be friends with him.
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Re: what do we do when we realise that our best friend is a narc

Postby Akuma » Fri Oct 20, 2017 4:45 am

Ok, 24 hours have passed. So why is this thread still here?
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Re: Questions About Relationships From Nons

Postby MalvaBlue » Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:17 pm

Hebi wrote:OH. Sorry. My bad. I was confused. I couldn’t identify with it as part of your audience because I have a PD and I get annoyed when people pretend to be professionals and diagnose their friends with PDs just because they aren’t the center of attention. If you don’t like your friend, then just don’t be friends with him.


I understand your perspective but what is your suggestion then ? Disordered people living in a separate world from people who are not disordered ? To each their own and we neither mingle nor learn from each other ?
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Re: Questions About Relationships From Nons

Postby Hebi » Fri Oct 20, 2017 10:06 pm

MalvaBlue wrote:I understand your perspective but what is your suggestion then ? Disordered people living in a separate world from people who are not disordered ? To each their own and we neither mingle nor learn from each other ?


My first suggestion is, try not to self diagnose other people with a disorder. Just because you googled NPD or clicked on a FB post about BPD, doesn’t make you a professional capable of diagnosing your ex, your friend, your spouse, etc.

My second suggestion is, please read the forum rules and post in the appropriate forum or sub forum. The OP of the post I was responding to originally posted in the NPD forum, in the area meant to be used as a support/communication forum for those suffering with the disorde, not speculating nons to vent about their friends who aren’t even diagnosed. Since then, it has been moved to the appropriate sub forum. If it had been posted in the correct forum to begin with, I would not have been a jerk.

I am actually very nice and respectful when answering questions, offering advice, or insight to genuinely curious nons or those with loved ones suffering from a disorder. I go to the family and loved ones sub forums and offer this when I feel in a good place to do so. All I appreciate, is that nons also have respect for people with disorders and understand that your post may be triggering, upsetting, or just plain annoying to those the forum is meant to be for, and simply post in the proper place meant for nons. Imagine someone speaking of you like you are a completely different species than them, villainizing you, saying you are broken, unlovable, abusive, etc. and you’re already having a particularly bad day, struggling to keep going, and you come here to communicate with others who RELATE to you, and end up only reading from people who stigmatize you. Most of the time, with the posts I am upset about anyways, they are speaking about someone who isn’t even diagnosed with anything, seeking advice and support from the people they are villainizing??

All I’m saying is, please post in the correct area. If you post in the correct area, I will not be a jerk for no reason. Promise.
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Re: Questions About Relationships From Nons

Postby shanzeek » Sat Oct 21, 2017 3:26 pm

Hebi wrote:I am actually very nice and respectful when answering questions, offering advice, or insight to genuinely curious nons or those with loved ones suffering from a disorder. I go to the family and loved ones sub forums and offer this when I feel in a good place to do so. All I appreciate, is that nons also have respect for people with disorders and understand that your post may be triggering, upsetting, or just plain annoying to those the forum is meant to be for, and simply post in the proper place meant for nons. Imagine someone speaking of you like you are a completely different species than them, villainizing you, saying you are broken, unlovable, abusive, etc. and you’re already having a particularly bad day, struggling to keep going, and you come here to communicate with others who RELATE to you, and end up only reading from people who stigmatize you. Most of the time, with the posts I am upset about anyways, they are speaking about someone who isn’t even diagnosed with anything, seeking advice and support from the people they are villainizing??

All I’m saying is, please post in the correct area. If you post in the correct area, I will not be a jerk for no reason. Promise.


This seems more than fair to me and I'll gladly respect this, since it makes perfect sense.
Btw, the OP said..

we are competing for her attention. we are both seeking narcissistic supply from her.


so I thought both of them were narcissists, one covert and the other one overt? Guess I was wrong.
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Re: Questions About Relationships From Nons

Postby Hebi » Sat Oct 21, 2017 8:15 pm

shanzeek wrote:
we are competing for her attention. we are both seeking narcissistic supply from her.


so I thought both of them were narcissists, one covert and the other one overt? Guess I was wrong.


You’re right. I admit I think I overlooked that. In that case I’m sorry OP if I invalidated you. I was feeling a certain type of way, and lashed out impulsively I guess. Some of the posts I read from certain nons diagnosing their friends just really get to me. I’ll be more diligent and understanding in the future.
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Re: Help - playing with fire but can't stop

Postby cezannea » Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:00 pm

PamHelf wrote:1. is it possible to have a relationship with him do you think? or does the fact of the devalue before mean I'm toast?


No, it isn't possible. It's likely the man you've fallen in love with doesn't even exist. Narcs have a tendency to "reform" themselves to fit the ideal partner of the person they're trying to manipulate. He's going to dump you again once he gets tired of manipulating you.
I have NPD. Ask me to talk about myself and I'll happily oblige. INTJ and Enneagram Type 5.
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