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Covert vs Overt Narc

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Covert vs Overt Narc

Postby ctlguy260 » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:45 pm

Is it common for a girl who was with an Overt Narc, to fall for a Covert Narc?
One of best friends was marriage to an Overt narc and has spent 2.5 years, healing after her divorce, met a really great guys (who we all loved), and now seems to have totally fallen head over heels with a Covert narc. The love bombing was from the very get go and she felt like they were soul mates and the mirroring was so transparent. I met him once and saw straight through him once he tried to convince me they shared ALL the the same.
I tried to carefully voice my concerns as other fiends did and she has basically said she needed to take a break from our friendship she felt I wasnt being supportive.
I cant help but to worry because she came so far since her marriage.
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Re: Covert vs Overt Narc

Postby Grayskull » Sun May 01, 2022 10:40 am

Well it’s not your place to try and diagnose your friends mates. This is a big violation of their boundaries and is probably what led to them wanting distance from you. If you see them doing something tangible and specific that is alarming then that’s different but playing armchair psychologist is uncalled for and unwanted. This whole post just exudes the problems with the narc abuse internet culture. You aren’t qualified to diagnose people, love bombing and mirroring are not symptoms of clinical narcissism and can appear in anyone. I think you are seeing narcissists everywhere. It sort of sounds like you are abit jealous and not able to see your friend happy? I don’t mean to be blunt but this post is all sorts of inappropriate
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Re: Covert vs Overt Narc

Postby ctlguy260 » Mon May 02, 2022 11:46 pm

I am simply trying to learn as much as I can because I genuinely care. You have no clue what I already know far beyond that. If there is 20 checkboxes then its fairly compelling although I am keeping my mouth shut

Grayskull wrote:Well it’s not your place to try and diagnose your friends mates. This is a big violation of their boundaries and is probably what led to them wanting distance from you. If you see them doing something tangible and specific that is alarming then that’s different but playing armchair psychologist is uncalled for and unwanted. This whole post just exudes the problems with the narc abuse internet culture. You aren’t qualified to diagnose people, love bombing and mirroring are not symptoms of clinical narcissism and can appear in anyone. I think you are seeing narcissists everywhere. It sort of sounds like you are abit jealous and not able to see your friend happy? I don’t mean to be blunt but this post is all sorts of inappropriate
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Re: Covert vs Overt Narc

Postby Manicotti » Fri Jun 17, 2022 6:39 pm

I did exactly this. Went from an overt to a covert. This was shocking to me at 1st until I realized studies show that you have a 90% chance from going to one narc to the next. 90!!! They are both one in the same animal, only difference is confidence. If the covert had the confidence the overt has, I know he'd be just as bad with the triangulation & wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for any drama caused.

I haven't been in contact with the OVERT for a year and a half because it got to a point where everything he said was not based in reality, "liar" is an understatement... however I'm still in touch with the COVERT as it's really hard to let go. We are no longer dating, but still talk as friends, but I'll be happy once I can cut off contact for good without feeling like he will turn on me in some way.

How it's going....

Well, today is a weird day for me as last night I was on phone with the COVERT (who has driven 9 hours to visit me in person at least 5 times now) who told me that my pictures don't match who I look like in person. If I'm so ugly, why come back 5 times?

Then today, the OVERT (who I haven't spoke to in a 1.5 year) has posted an away status that says "you can put makeup on a pig but it's still a pig". Like is my phone tapped or is this narcs just narcin? LoL. Strange coincidence right?

At the end of the day, I'm older, aging...I'm no spring chicken anymore, but the truth is I have made money off my looks for the last 20 years & still do, but I've never based my value on my looks, even tho they clearly do. I got both the OVERT and the COVERT telling me I'm ugly, yet one keeps coming back to my state just to see me & the other keeps posting away status messages about me even after 1.5 of no contact!

I'm so ready for a happy, narc-free life!
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Re: Covert vs Overt Narc

Postby 1PolarBear » Sat Jun 18, 2022 11:27 pm

Arguably it is typical of covert narcissists, they seek other narcissists in order to feel whole.
It's why you see repeat victims, but they aren't real victims, it's just part of their inverse grandiosity as being selfless and not worthy.

But yeah, sharing all the same would be a clue there is unrealistic ideation which will eventually fail once the covert reasserts herself or fails the expectations, whichever comes first.
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