Our partner

New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Lifer » Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:33 pm

Hello all advice needed please...
Had a break through 3 days ago. Suspect I have been covert NPD for 50 years after witnessing brutal bloody death at age 9.. Feelings that I accidentally caused death of 7 year old boy. Shame, guilt etc. obviously repressed PTSD (No therapy given) lots of other subsequent occurrences compounded this. Originally diagnosed myself as Aspergers (still possible btw) lifetime of anxiety, depression and self obsessed pomposity. highs and lows ... blah blah blah.
Anyhoo I am where I am. I know its not my fault and basically forgive myself ... I was a kid!
My question is. ... Is there any hope for any kind of decent life where I don`t go around hurting people ?
ie due to my ingrained self obsession or should i just let go the likelihood of finding long term friends or a partner and not ######6 them up like I have all the others who backed off from my selfish toxicity.
Is there any way to tone down my disrespect for some perfectly nice human beings and stop being stuck up my own arse?
I have worked really hard for 40 years to unpick what is wrong with me , think I may just have found out and it seems untreatable and intractable. Not at all surprised, always suspected I was broken and ###$. Any hope?
Lifer
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:15 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Gretabag » Thu Nov 04, 2021 1:30 am

It seems unlikely you have NPD. Narcs usually don't see themselves as having a problem and don't see a reason to change. The absence of emotional empathy means they don't see it as a negative to hurt other people even if they can cognitively recognize that's what they are doing. You may still have high narcissistic traits. If the above is correct, it's good news because you probably can change. If you are a narc, the short version is you can't change.
Gretabag
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 9:13 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Lifer » Thu Nov 04, 2021 1:40 pm

Thanks Gretabag.
Apparently NPD is a spectrum disorder.
I am certainly not Overt NPD (except occasionally I can fluctuate to that state when I am centre of positive attention). But have just been reading up on Covert NPD and I literally tick every box!

Sensitive to criticism. passive aggressive, self critical. self absorbed, appear shy, but am also subtly manipulative, defensive, hyper-sensitive. I do see myself as different, special and often have low tolerance for others. Hold grudges for personal slights... for years!! Personal disrespect makes triggers sudden anger. I have had continual cycles of depression and anxiety for decades and also highs when I am praised. While I can be charming for a while I have discover a lot of my humility may be an attempt to seek kudos or favour including charitable acts. However I still can be genuinely kind. I have had to work on being empathic because I know it is the right thing to do as a human being. I think this type of NPD is a little different to the `classic` Overt NPD. I believe that I do have a type NPD and I DO care about it and it depresses me that it seems intractable no matter how hard I try.
Any other thoughts please?
Lifer
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:15 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Lifer » Thu Nov 04, 2021 1:55 pm

Ha ha.. I bet this is not the first time this has been brought up on here But. Massive irony Q.

How can I expect genuine help and advice from people with a disorder that means that they do not want to help others (except to enhance their own self esteem) as it is not in their nature?

How do I know that a response to my genuine enquiry will not just be met with posts that are gaslighting me or are written to make the responder feel superior on the back of criticising me ! ?

This is a dilemma isn`t it?
... a quite Kafka-esque paradox eh? :? :? :?
or
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Lifer
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:15 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Lifer » Sat Nov 06, 2021 5:05 pm

Ok, getting the idea this is a bit of a zombie forum. Abandoned hope of a community response. ah well. Ce la vie.
Lifer
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:15 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Lifer » Sat Nov 06, 2021 5:17 pm

Oh and by the way, don`t be so quick to dismiss someone as not NPD just because they are not classic `grandiose` type NPD, this is a mistake.
Vulnerable or covert Narcissists often have a history of self-reflection and knowing something is wrong with themselves. And even a few of us decide to do something about it... if not to remove it ( which may be impossible) but just to control some traits to make our lives (and others) better. Anyway I`m probably off now as not getting any help here. Good luck.
Lifer
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:15 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Akuma » Mon Nov 08, 2021 10:35 am

This forum has been dead for a longer while yes.
As to your question, PDs and all sorts of serious mental illnesses require long-term commitment to a therapy which will usually take many years. Over time this will also have the sideeffect of giving you a qualified understanding of what it is youre suffering from.
dx: SPD
Akuma
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1801
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:56 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 12:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby MeAgain » Sat Nov 13, 2021 9:40 am

Classic case of a Borderline Narcissist. I think of myself as managing the people around me rather than subtly manipulating them.

-- Sat Nov 13, 2021 9:41 am --

Classic case of a Borderline Narcissist. I think of myself as managing the people around me rather than subtly manipulating them.
30mg Citalopram SSRI Antidepressant
40mg Propranolol Beta Blocker

A mere imp of Satan
User avatar
MeAgain
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1542
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:29 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Gretabag » Thu Nov 18, 2021 8:02 pm

Hello again, Lifer.

Hope you're still around, and I'm sorry to miss your posts.

I very much doubt you have NPD. It is definitely NOT a spectrum disorder. It is part of a spectrum of personalities, but once you have the disorder, it's a binary proposition. You are or you aren't, and there's mostly not a realistic chance of getting rid of it. Mostly.

Checking boxes is not a reliable way to diagnose NPD. What is needed is a consistent history of behaviour (positive) or an inconsistent one (negative).

What I would like to ask you: have you ever done any of the following without feeling forced to do it by outside influences:

Admitting you're wrong, apologizing for your actions, devoting considerable effort or risk to helping others?
Gretabag
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2021 9:13 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 10:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to NPD .. abandon hope all ye who enter here or what?

Postby Grayskull » Mon Jan 24, 2022 8:23 pm

What's up Life, first of all I would like to say there are plenty of examples out there and some therapist who specialize in the treatment of personality disorders have documented great improvement in treating NPD the biggest challenge to treatment is that grandiose shell that just denies any problems at all and to accept help from a therapist would make them feel very insecure and possibly trigger feelings of inferiority. if you can get past this and it sounds like you have therapy can help.

With that said, NPD usually starts to take root much much earlier than 9 so I would resist the urge to self diagnose it could very possibly be a ptsd issue. This has become a zombies forum it's unfortunate but thats just how it is now i guess. It's very common for narcissists to start reflecting on their life as they start to get to middle age and maybe thats what you are dealing with or it may be a trauma response to what happened to you. Talk to a therapist and see what they have to say
Grayskull
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Dec 27, 2020 8:01 pm
Local time: Fri May 20, 2022 5:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 45 guests