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All I want is attention

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All I want is attention

Postby BorderlineNarc » Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:10 pm

I thought I’d come on here and express my feelings as I don’t know where else would be appropriate.
Lately I’ve been really thinking about what I want, and I feel nothing would satisfy me.

I just feel completely and utterly insatiable.
I just want attention. All the attention. But I feel even that wouldn’t be good enough.

I feel deprived of attention and love and adoration and I feel angry about it. But I don’t just want attention for just anything. I want to be seen as beautiful, superiorly talented, intelligent and unique. Ha.
And all the above frustrates me. I have to achieve it else I’ll never be satisfied.

Perhaps it’s depression. I’m just angry. I feel I was supposed to be something in this world and I’m not there and now I feel as though even getting there would be pointless and wouldn’t satisfy me.

Life just seems utterly meaningless and pointless and I’m angry about it.

I find myself genuinely not caring about any issues in the world. I’m just angry that other people are getting attention and I’m not.

I feel empty.

I just want to feel alive and feel special. I want to fulfil my potential. And I’m angry that I haven’t.

I think I’m going to have to make a plan to satisfy this need. Without satisfying my need to be seen as special life seems completely meaningless.

And I also realise that I must be an incredibly empty person to feel this way. Is that all there is to me?
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Re: All I want is attention

Postby Grayskull » Tue Mar 16, 2021 12:43 am

I get it but no amout of attention or anything else will ever help, The only way forward is self acceptance.
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Re: All I want is attention

Postby BorderlineNarc » Tue Mar 16, 2021 11:11 pm

Grayskull wrote:I get it but no amout of attention or anything else will ever help, The only way forward is self acceptance.


Well, I used to think so too but I’ve changed my mind. I know exactly what you mean, as I said, I feel that even if I got all the attention and adoration I desire I still wouldn’t feel fulfilled.
But there’s also nothing else I desire.
So I’ve decided I’m just going to pursue it in whatever way I can. I mean, it’s narcissism but I’ve not been diagnosed with npd.
But I also feel uncomfortable with it a little I guess as I really don’t care about anything anymore.
All I care about is getting the recognition I feel I deserve. I used to care about things but I’m so sick of watching human beings behave with such stupidity I just feel I don’t care about humanity anymore. All I care about is me. And I hear myself saying it and I think that I must be such a bad person for feeling that way. There’s another side of me that is highly empathic.but lately I’m thinking well maybe I was never the empath I thought I was because I really don’t feel empathy for anyone at all.
People are irritating me. All the conversations that are happening about the safety of women for example. I find myself being angry at them and thinking they should shut the hell up and stop being whining little b*tches (I am female).
Yet I am someone who has been badly abused by men.
I don’t know. Maybe this isn’t even narcissism maybe it’s some kind of trauma response. But basically I feel like I must be a completely selfish asshole but I’ve reached the point where I no longer care about being one because screw human beings anyway.
What a ridiculous species we are.
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Re: All I want is attention

Postby MindfulThoughts » Mon Mar 29, 2021 6:51 am

"You deserve to love and to be loved loyally in return. Anything other than that is simply unacceptable. No more excuses. Always keep in mind: the right people will multiply who YOU are. Stop hanging around anyone who brings out your ugliness. You are better than that and you deserve more."
Quote of Melissa Molomo
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