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What are you looking for in your relationships?

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What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby HSS » Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:18 am

As written: what do you hope/wish to receive from the others - if you wish something?
My question concerns every social relationship, not just with your partners.
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby justonemoreperson » Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:40 am

Sex.
A person who can do what I find difficult.
Someone with a brain who is able to challenge me.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby HSS » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:19 am

justonemoreperson wrote:A person who can do what I find difficult.


That's not good for you.

Someone with a brain who is able to challenge me.


Do you hope to win or to be winned at the end of it?
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby justonemoreperson » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:32 am

HSS wrote:
justonemoreperson wrote:A person who can do what I find difficult.


That's not good for you.


Isn't that what cooperation is all about?

Someone with a brain who is able to challenge me.


Do you hope to win or to be winned at the end of it?


It's not a win/lose issue. I like to be challenged because it forces me to think about things from a different perspective. When we're 100% sure we "know" something, it's a good indication that it's wrong.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby HSS » Thu Jun 04, 2020 10:55 am

justonemoreperson wrote:Isn't that what cooperation is all about?


In your first answer, it seems that you are looking for someone who replaces you totally.
That's okay just if there is some practical reason, for example a close deadline, but in most cases it would be more helpful if you look for a support to do things together with the other person - so that you can learn to do them.

When we're 100% sure we "know" something, it's a good indication that it's wrong.


That's true, but your signature states the opposite, I mean that you are sure to be right.
You are very clever, but I often thought that you would benefit to doubt your thoughts.
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby justonemoreperson » Thu Jun 04, 2020 12:08 pm

HSS wrote:
That's true, but your signature states the opposite, I mean that you are sure to be right.
You are very clever, but I often thought that you would benefit to doubt your thoughts.


You're confusing meaning with purpose.

That signature is designed to inspire reason. People often get lost in an argument because they feel they have a personal point to prove, well beyond reason. If you take a step back and ignore the urge to react, then you can see more clearly to make what might be a valid point.

I've stated time and again that I want to be wrong; being confirmed that I'm right has no real value to me beyond ego-stroking. If you have an opinion I'll accept it, but be prepared to defend it.

Very few people have the ability or the will to step outside of their own prejudices and examine stuff objectively. If they did, religions wouldn't exist, neither would political affiliation, racism, social class, etc.

In your first answer, it seems that you are looking for someone who replaces you totally.


It's probably a translation issue; I can't remember where you're from.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Thu Jun 04, 2020 12:12 pm

Significant Other Relationship:

Best friend with physical affection and sex + Loyalty + Acceptance + Being able to have fun and/or make the best of things regardless of circumstances + Authenticity + Trustworthiness + Some verbal affection/appreciation + Can tolerate my sense of humor / eccentricity + Feels grounding, stabilizing or heavy energy + Their energy feels like a sense of ease, comfort, and stability for me + Will take (or believably pretend to take) an interest in what matters to me if it's important for me to bring up + Has a strong / indomitable personality (but also allows me to have the same type of personality when I want to) + Able to agree to disagree if necessary + Understands I can't be around partying + Not ongoingly draining, stressful or distressing + Not taking anger or irritability out on me + Not holding me emotionally hostage + Non-psychologically abusive + Not physically abusive either, obviously + No silent treatments or other covertly punishing behaviors + Doesn't try to force me to change / fix me + Can tolerate if I get anxious etc mental health stuff + Feels pleasurable / enjoyable to be around

+ Has an alligator (negotiatable)
+ Is similar to a Phoenix: will burst into flames instead of die and then erect itself back to life from its own ashes (negotiatable) - but he has to go straight into adult form
+ Sterile (negotiatable)
+ Understands the importance of my snakes' having a playroom (seriously)
+ Biologically male and acts like he has testosterone (seriously)
+ Is able to help me "brain" my sweet little snakes' prey if necessary and do fresh kills if necessary (kind of serious because I don't like that type of thing, but negotiatable)
+ Would let me have a tarantula(s) and be willing to give it crickets (kind of serious, but negotiatable)
+ Has or is willing to get a big bodied boa constrictor or python (kind of serious, but negotiatable)
+ Can walk on water (negotiatable)



Non-Significant Other Relationship Qualities, People
- Who don't flip flop
- Who want to joke around and play
- Who are authentic
- No bitchiness or covert punishing behaviors
- Who don't bitch and complain all the time and preferably don't talk too much about themselves or their feelings or their problems
- Who don't hold me emotionally hostage in any other way (including ongoing "victim" mentality)
- Who provide equal give and take
- Who are trustworthy / don't gossip
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use."  ~ unknown
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby Manners73 » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:22 pm

HSS wrote:As written: what do you hope/wish to receive from the others - if you wish something?
My question concerns every social relationship, not just with your partners.


Distance
Sex
Money.
Loyalty
Jokes
Idk. Loads of thing.

I expect more than I'm willing to give anyway.
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby thegentlepath » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:39 pm

HSS wrote:As written: what do you hope/wish to receive from the others - if you wish something?
My question concerns every social relationship, not just with your partners.

I’d settle for being left alone. From my own experience, human relationships have proven to be way more hassle than they’re worth. My best experiences with others have been when we’re working toward a common goal. That’s about it.
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Re: What are you looking for in your relationships?

Postby salles » Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:08 pm

I wouldn't mind someone I feel safe with, to venture into remote areas of the wilderness. Someone who will light the fire, put up the tent and cook while I sit back, smoke a joint and contemplate a starry sky or the birds and wild-life. Ideally someone who looks tough or can wield a knife or gun (if permissible ) should any weirdos happen along.
I would like also that they do not speak much but have excellent writing skills and original thoughts about life, embellished with a dark but clever humour.
Someone who can challenge my way of thinking.
Someone who suffers in some way but soldiers on, so I can be inspired to soldier on.
Regarding attractiveness, I cannot say. People with talent appear more attractive because they are talented eg. amazing musicians, actors etc.. Without such talent one could perhaps find them ugly.... so it depends.
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