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Attention Seeking Behaviour

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Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Manners73 » Sat May 30, 2020 6:24 pm

I'm wondering if attention seeking behaviour is sometimes part and parcel of having personality disorder.

For me I attention seek in order for people to show me some kind of care. Not so much these days but definitely when I was younger.

Does anyone have any insights here?
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Esmoke » Sat May 30, 2020 6:58 pm

I think it all goes back to whatever triggered the personality disorder development in the beginning. Borderlines fear abandonment because they were abandoned or discarded which caused a wound. Narcissist adopt a persona as a personality because they were taught theirs isn’t good enough, Malignant narcissist and severe ASPD seek power and control because they were abused and controlled and fear the idea of giving in to that again.

Same thing with attention if you weren’t shown the love or attention when you were a child you will probably seek it in other ways as an adult because you don’t know any other way. The strategy is to shake these behaviors and become more stable with your own self image and not let others determine your self-worth. Easier said than done I know but it should always be the gold standard. I personally detest attention whoring in general I still can’t figure out if this is some sort of projection or if I really just don’t like it. The idea of seeking attention because mommy and daddy didn’t give you enough is sickening to me I reject the idea completely but this is just my own take of the matter.
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Manners73 » Sat May 30, 2020 7:20 pm

I detest attention whoring in other people but I know that my behaviour (especially when I was younger) was all about attention seeking.

I loved to push people's buttons to get a reaction out of them. I suppose its a bit like manipulation in a way. I'd learn what buttons to push to get the results I wanted.

Or I'd do dangerous things. I still do it now in a way. Like I love to tell people (who I know have a maternal instinct) about my dangerous bike ride to work. I did exaggerate on it as well sometimes. And I get a reaction from them.

It is down n to not having parents in my life and I know it. I'm not ashamed of it but I just wanted to know if it is related to PD.
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Akuma » Sun May 31, 2020 4:45 am

Manners73 wrote:I'm wondering if attention seeking behaviour is sometimes part and parcel of having personality disorder.

For me I attention seek in order for people to show me some kind of care. Not so much these days but definitely when I was younger.

Does anyone have any insights here?


Many years ago when there was more discussion here about technical issues it was a recurring subject in connection with NPD, if or if not attention-seeking is a part of it. Ive always held the opinion that its much more a HPD thing and I still do - it is also the first diagnostic criterion of it after all.
Personally I dont think Ive had attention-seeking behaviors to any meaningful degree.

I personally detest attention whoring in general I still can’t figure out if this is some sort of projection or if I really just don’t like it.


I find it disgusting, but that might have several reasons. In histrionic people its often unconsciously about gender, so theres always an aspect of it in whatever they do to gather attention. On another level it might be a form of envy - if you are the silently suffering type and you really want more attention. I'd guess it becomes even harder if the main way that parents dealt with their inferiority was like that, so the only schema one has is the one one despises?
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Esmoke » Sun May 31, 2020 9:24 am

Akuma wrote:
I personally detest attention whoring in general I still can’t figure out if this is some sort of projection or if I really just don’t like it.


I find it disgusting, but that might have several reasons. In histrionic people its often unconsciously about gender, so theres always an aspect of it in whatever they do to gather attention. On another level it might be a form of envy - if you are the silently suffering type and you really want more attention. I'd guess it becomes even harder if the main way that parents dealt with their inferiority was like that, so the only schema one has is the one one despises?


I think you might be on to something but I’m not 100% sure I’m following. One of my parents was very demanding, I wouldn’t say attention seeking in the traditional sense but more like caused so many problems that you just couldn’t help but pay attention. I did grow to hate that about them and always found them to be stupid and childish. So are you saying that this is the only way I have of gaining attention but I detest it and would rather suffer in silence?
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Akuma » Sun May 31, 2020 9:35 am

Esmoke wrote:I think you might be on to something but I’m not 100% sure I’m following. One of my parents was very demanding, I wouldn’t say attention seeking in the traditional sense but more like caused so many problems that you just couldn’t help but pay attention. I did grow to hate that about them and always found them to be stupid and childish. So are you saying that this is the only way I have of gaining attention but I detest it and would rather suffer in silence?


In a way yea. I was wondering when I wrote it, if, when a child learns, that attention is gotten by mostly questionable means (being a trainwreck, being hysteric, being overly eroticizing whatever), that on one side a connection is created in the childs mind, between these two things. Then [getting / asking for] attention always somehow leads back to these people and behaviours and gets tainted by them.
When one doesnt learn - which in those circumstances could probably be expected - to ask for attention / to get ones needs met in a more healthy way - so when you might already be the type that doesnt ask for much - you feel - albeit unconsciously - that changing that would turn you into a childish trainwreck, while in reality you would turn into a more mature adult probably.
Im pretty sure some connectiosn like this are in my mind at least. And ive certainly always found that, not only do I despise histrionics and certain types of neurotics, but I do so of course because of negative connectiosn in my mind towards f.e. my mom.
So I think over time one has to carefully detach from those connections and "inner people", to have a better chance at realizing that there might be something between 0 and 100.
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby justonemoreperson » Sun May 31, 2020 9:41 am

Attention is what's seen, but it's not what causes it.

Healthy attention is paid as a reward for something done which has value. People are currently giving Elon Musk attention because he successfully made a rocket to launch people into orbit.

Seeking attention for its own sake is psychological masturbation.

If you want to flip this around, then you have to ignore the need for attention and try to do something of worth that will give you attention as a by-product. This level of attention will be more sustainable because it will give you a reason why you're getting it.

You can blame and point at others as the cause, but it makes no difference where it comes from. You need to make the change.

Carrying on the masturbation analogy: if you want a relationship because it means you can have sex
then wanking into a sock isn't going to satisfy your general loneliness, because you've boiled down the whole process to getting your rocks off.

Seeking attention is the same as wanking into a sock. It boils the whole measurement process into a single act; that of being recognised, while ignoring the real reason people get recognised: for doing someone worthy of recognition.

Start reading to people in an old-folks home, join your local search and rescue organisation, offer to coach kids' football, write a book, grow giant sunflowers. Anything that gives some solid ground for recognition.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Esmoke » Sun May 31, 2020 10:07 am

justonemoreperson wrote: grow giant sunflowers.


I agree
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Akuma » Sun May 31, 2020 10:35 am

To be honest I dont think that everybody wants attention for the same reasons. I dont even think that all people who want attention really want it. Attention, if seen through the histrionic lense, might be another counterphobic thing: You put yourself into a situation exactly because you are afraid of it to act like you have power over it. Others might want to feel more like adults, again others more liek children, more masculine, others feminine etc.
I think its much more important - for the individual of course not so much for us talking about it here - to figure out what the meaning for them is. Only when they've found the meaning can they figure out ways to go there... and might find that attention has never been imporatnt to them anyways - or yes, find ways to actually get recognized for achievements that are real and that might be useful to not only parts of themselves.
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Re: Attention Seeking Behaviour

Postby Esmoke » Sun May 31, 2020 12:07 pm

Akuma wrote:
Esmoke wrote:I think you might be on to something but I’m not 100% sure I’m following. One of my parents was very demanding, I wouldn’t say attention seeking in the traditional sense but more like caused so many problems that you just couldn’t help but pay attention. I did grow to hate that about them and always found them to be stupid and childish. So are you saying that this is the only way I have of gaining attention but I detest it and would rather suffer in silence?


In a way yea. I was wondering when I wrote it, if, when a child learns, that attention is gotten by mostly questionable means (being a trainwreck, being hysteric, being overly eroticizing whatever), that on one side a connection is created in the childs mind, between these two things. Then [getting / asking for] attention always somehow leads back to these people and behaviours and gets tainted by them.
When one doesnt learn - which in those circumstances could probably be expected - to ask for attention / to get ones needs met in a more healthy way - so when you might already be the type that doesnt ask for much - you feel - albeit unconsciously - that changing that would turn you into a childish trainwreck, while in reality you would turn into a more mature adult probably.
Im pretty sure some connectiosn like this are in my mind at least. And ive certainly always found that, not only do I despise histrionics and certain types of neurotics, but I do so of course because of negative connectiosn in my mind towards f.e. my mom.
So I think over time one has to carefully detach from those connections and "inner people", to have a better chance at realizing that there might be something between 0 and 100.


I think there is something like that in my mind also. It’s a disturbing connection to make but one that I suppose must be made to make progress. I knowingly rejected that parent for those reasons and I can remember saying I will never be that way but in understanding psychology better now I think I was mostly taught by this parent and by rejecting them I also rejected those parts in myself as well, basically rejected myself and who I was, creating an identity disturbance in the process and the longer time went on the weaker the connection became with that part until it was all but lost. Wow that’s messed up
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