Our partner

Rejected

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Rejected

Postby Manners73 » Wed May 20, 2020 6:50 pm

What does it do to you when you feel rejected.

I've never really thought about this before but I actually think this is a major issue for me.

It's like I'm not really arsed about being popular but if I think that everyone else has been invited to a party and I haven't then I have to confront the ringleader of it all and make them feel like absolute $#%^.

In truth I wouldn't have wanted to go to the ######6 party anyway.

I'm using party as an example BTW.
England's Glory
User avatar
Manners73
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2404
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:46 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Rejected

Postby HSS » Wed May 20, 2020 8:49 pm

I am sorry that you feel like that. I tend to retire when I feel rejected.
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
HSS
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 304
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:32 am
Local time: Thu Jun 04, 2020 9:56 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby Esmoke » Wed May 20, 2020 10:11 pm

I guess I’m more the type to be invited but not want to go and socialize, I socialize where I have to At work, out in public but as a general position I don’t like the humans so I avoid them except on rare occasions. I don’t bother with many people so I don’t really get rejected much. My neighbors all think I’m a creepy murderer though, I don’t even know how I feel about that.
Just another sock puppet in a dancing children’s show for the amusement of the masses
Esmoke
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Jan 22, 2020 10:59 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 12:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby ViniStonemoss » Wed May 20, 2020 10:17 pm

I try not to ignore anyone so it stings a little when someone ignores me, but also it does not last very long and I ignore them back.
ViniStonemoss
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 227
Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:14 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 12:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby Esmoke » Wed May 20, 2020 10:31 pm

ViniStonemoss wrote:I try not to ignore anyone so it stings a little when someone ignores me, but also it does not last very long and I ignore them back.


Ohh no, deliberately ignoring me is a completely different thing. Disrespected or ignored I don’t like
Just another sock puppet in a dancing children’s show for the amusement of the masses
Esmoke
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Wed Jan 22, 2020 10:59 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 12:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby Manners73 » Thu May 21, 2020 4:48 am

Esmoke wrote:
ViniStonemoss wrote:I try not to ignore anyone so it stings a little when someone ignores me, but also it does not last very long and I ignore them back.


Ohh no, deliberately ignoring me is a completely different thing. Disrespected or ignored I don’t like


Yes this is what I'm talking about.
England's Glory
User avatar
Manners73
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2404
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2019 8:46 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:56 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby Akuma » Thu May 21, 2020 5:00 am

Manners73 wrote:What does it do to you when you feel rejected.

I've never really thought about this before but I actually think this is a major issue for me.

It's like I'm not really arsed about being popular but if I think that everyone else has been invited to a party and I haven't then I have to confront the ringleader of it all and make them feel like absolute $#%^.

In truth I wouldn't have wanted to go to the ######6 party anyway.

I'm using party as an example BTW.


Im not interested enough in people to feel rejected, I cant remember when that happened the last time.. Im not sure about being ignored, I dont think anyone likes that, but I dont feel the urge to retaliate actively either. Depending on the situation I will just ignore them too in the future I guess.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
Akuma
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1750
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:56 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:56 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Rejected

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Thu May 21, 2020 5:03 am

Squaredonutwheels
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1349
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:41 pm
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:56 pm
Blog: View Blog (14)

Re: Rejected

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Thu May 21, 2020 5:54 am

We're herd animals, so it's relatively ingrained within us to dislike the experience of rejection because "back in the day" if we were cast out of our tribes, we'd die quite quickly. Both shame and sadness would have made us willing to conform.

Some people consciously practice rejection (and shaming) to try to get people to conform, and it often works (at least in our early years or struggling times) specifically for that reason.

Also, it can be offensive if one is not included in something on purpose because it's relational-aggression.

There are lots of reasons for "relational-aggression" - including to reduce competition (sexual viability or attention in general, etc.).

In which case, you'd need to learn to conform well enough to not be seen as a threat (and you may never be able to do that) or you'd have to accept that's what you'll get with that person and seek the type of interactions you want elsewhere.

If there are ways in your thinking and acting that play a part in the exclusion, then it's worth addressing that if it's something important to you (while keeping in mind that being left out / rejected doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong).


For me, being rejected due to be relational agression (being competition, asshole-ism, etc.) could lead to anger or disgust.
If done respectfully because I was unwanted, it would lead to sadness. Shame usually results from people thinking it's them rather than the interactions not being a good fit.

Also, with exceptions obviously, my dysfunctional answer to most interpersonal issues that matter to me (or my energy levels) is to distance myself even further - even when it comes to experiencing rejection from others.
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use."  ~ unknown
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
User avatar
DaturaInnoxia
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1240
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2018 5:21 am
Local time: Thu Jun 04, 2020 9:56 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected

Postby justonemoreperson » Thu May 21, 2020 6:22 am

Ultimately, people want to be noticed and valued, as it confirms their choices and lifestyle.

If you get overly connected to rejection events, it probably stems from a lack of confidence in your own decisions, so you require inclusion from others for confirmation, and see it as a personal slight when that doesn't happen.

@Manners: it would probably be useful to examine how you're processing the rejection at the time, before you kick off, to try to identify what you're feeling. Is it hurt, anger, confusion?

Confrontation is giving you a mechanism to deal with the event, while distracting from the underlying cause. You're effectively blaming the one excluding you, rather than trying to work out why it's so important to you in the first place.

Jabbing someone in the chest because you want to be included is like ######6 someone to make them a virgin.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
justonemoreperson
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 11223
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:02 am
Local time: Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:56 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests