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Rejected

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Re: Rejected

Postby Esmoke » Sat May 23, 2020 9:14 am

Akuma wrote:
Esmoke wrote:I guess I’m of the belief that PDs or not we are still human beings and need the same things any other human needs. Attentionclose bonds with other people even if those desires are hidden from us I believe they are still there and getting to them isn’t impossible


Well if youre aware (?) that this is important to you, I guess you already made the first step.


I don’t know what I want, I think on some level we must all want those things. I want them until I get them and then I don’t want them anymore. I like the idea of it better than the reality of it
This is something we have worked on in therapy and as I’m told that there will be some type of relationship that will work for me but mostly I think it’s too confusing and too much work to get involved.
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Re: Rejected

Postby justonemoreperson » Sun May 24, 2020 6:46 am

Esmoke wrote:
I don’t know what I want, I think on some level we must all want those things. I want them until I get them and then I don’t want them anymore. I like the idea of it better than the reality of it
This is something we have worked on in therapy and as I’m told that there will be some type of relationship that will work for me but mostly I think it’s too confusing and too much work to get involved.



It's probably a matter of trust. Children normally grow up becoming conditioned to the fact that someone will be there. You fall, hurt yourself, and your mother picks you up and you carry on. You become used to that behaviour, and so a trust evolves where a child will subconsciously know that people can be trusted and relied upon.

If that trust doesn't develop, or is stunted in some way, then relationships are going to be much harder, as the person doesn't have the experience of someone being supportive and helpful over time. So, it seems fragile and dependent on certain things being true.

To a well-conditioned person, mis-turst behaviour from someone will be seen as a fault with them, as their experience is that people are always there. To a non-conditioned person, their behaviour will be worrying and confusing, showing that reliance on someone else is fraught with risk and is unpredictable.
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Re: Rejected

Postby Manners73 » Mon May 25, 2020 5:11 pm

justonemoreperson wrote:
ViniStonemoss wrote:Although Jomp is making a good point, simultaneously, I admire someone who is able to go straight to the source of their frustration and confront them.


It's not the source though; it's a series of events that have been created based on a mis-direction of frustration.

Hypthetically, as I don't know the details of what's happening, if you react to someone harshly for not inviting you to an event because you perceive a slight where none was intended, then it's going to exaggerate the problem, creating a problem that would never have existed if the frustration was aimed in the right direction.


Yes it happens to me. I misinterpret the situation. I confront the person and the problem gets blown out of proportion. This is an issue as it creates an even wider devided between me and the other person.

I'm actually talking about a person who I used to get on with really well and there used to be a good relationship between us. Someone else came into the dynamic and I felt kinda threatened I suppose. Its a long story but after that I felt rejected by her.

It's really good I'm able to talk about this actually because it's not an easy admission to make.

-- Mon May 25, 2020 5:19 pm --

Ubinix800 wrote:It's more of an avoidant or CNPD thing. I take rejection poorly because I can't take other people confirming flaws or issues in myself, I am that emotionally fragile. I think I remember reading somewhere that "avoidants are afraid to confide in others out of fear it may confirm their negative self-image" and it's probably the same as CNPD, "I tend to avoid rejection at all costs".

It's the same as if someone says something nasty about you but "you know their right", your self-esteem takes a hit, then there's a lot of shame and passive-aggression. I also have some abandonment fears (Dr. Grande on YouTube made a good video on VN) like if someone was supposed to be somewhere when I am meeting up with them, and they don't show I personalize it and think it may be due to me, self-esteem hit, it's why I only go places where I know someone would be first. At one point I thought I developed some mild paranoia as a way to mentally take the blame or hurt off myself.


This is interesting. I don't get bothered too much if someone critisises me as long as they do it in a way that's constructive and useful. If someone just critisises me without rhyme or apparent reason then that would be another matter altogether.
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Re: Rejected

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue May 26, 2020 6:03 am

Manners73 wrote:
I'm actually talking about a person who I used to get on with really well and there used to be a good relationship between us. Someone else came into the dynamic and I felt kinda threatened I suppose. Its a long story but after that I felt rejected by her.

It's really good I'm able to talk about this actually because it's not an easy admission to make.


Have you considered telling her? It would take some balls, but it could work out well; both for your friendship and your confidence.
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Re: Rejected

Postby Manners73 » Tue May 26, 2020 5:41 pm

I have told her and we kind of kissed and made up but I just can't trust her anymore.

It's a bummer.
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Re: Rejected

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed May 27, 2020 6:51 am

Manners73 wrote:I have told her and we kind of kissed and made up but I just can't trust her anymore.

It's a bummer.


Why can't you trust her? Is it something she did initially, or is it something that's happened since you've had problems with her?
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Re: Rejected

Postby Manners73 » Thu May 28, 2020 4:55 pm

She went behind my back and kissed another girl.
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