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The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby justonemoreperson » Fri Feb 14, 2020 8:46 am

HSS wrote:
justonemoreperson wrote:once it's gone it's gone; it won't be coming back.


With some doubts, I am relatively under the impression that you were seriously trying to understand yourself on the closed forum; then, even if you don't care, and have a very cold, rational and almost indifferent reaction... solidarity.


I don't understand the level of frustration and anger people seem to have over this site. Relying on someone unknown to maintain a free service for your own mental health seems a bit precarious.

I guess it depends on what the owner intended. If it was intended to be a genuine service for people then there's a duty of care involved and snatching that away from vulnerable people could be a problem.

If it was, as I suspect, just an idea for a place where people could come for peer support then anyone should have joined knowing that at any point it could disappear.

That said, people get all bent out of shape over Facebook's T&C's, in case anyone steals their duck-face selfies and cat videos, so maybe I'm missing the point.

Outside of commerce, the Internet should be considered a toy.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:41 am

easiersaidthandone wrote:I don't know why I like watching ...

easiersaidthandone wrote:... chickens without a head.


I hope the next person who brings up chickens doesn't round it up to the amorous probing of headless ones; more work for Freud.
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use." ~ unknown
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby HSS » Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:31 am

justonemoreperson wrote:
HSS wrote:
justonemoreperson wrote:once it's gone it's gone; it won't be coming back.


With some doubts, I am relatively under the impression that you were seriously trying to understand yourself on the closed forum; then, even if you don't care, and have a very cold, rational and almost indifferent reaction... solidarity.


I don't understand the level of frustration and anger people seem to have over this site. Relying on someone unknown to maintain a free service for your own mental health seems a bit precarious.

I guess it depends on what the owner intended. If it was intended to be a genuine service for people then there's a duty of care involved and snatching that away from vulnerable people could be a problem.

If it was, as I suspect, just an idea for a place where people could come for peer support then anyone should have joined knowing that at any point it could disappear.

That said, people get all bent out of shape over Facebook's T&C's, in case anyone steals their duck-face selfies and cat videos, so maybe I'm missing the point.

Outside of commerce, the Internet should be considered a toy.


I don't judge people for their cold or emotional reactions. I understand both as I can have both and, depending on situations, I have been accused of both. I am sorry if I gave you a wrong impression through my words. I am happy that you feel good. :D

Moreover, I sincerely thank you for some of your past posts. They helped me to increase my self-understanding and, sometimes, to change something in my life.

Forum's choices/reasons and others' reactions aren't really important.
It's your well-being, and everyone's well-being, that matters.
That's why I would focus on myself, considered that you lose perhaps an opportunity to increase your self-understanding. I would ask myself if and how I want to pursue my introspection, forum aside; and I would ask myself if and how the latest events cruised and impacted on my various pd traits, from difficulty to pursue long term goals, to problems to connect or mistrust, identity... each aspect.
It's just a suggestion, only you know what your well-being is.

At the moment I am in a quite serious situation in my real life, and I am not sure when I will be able to post here again. Just in case, good luck to you and to everyone else I exchanged.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby justonemoreperson » Mon Feb 24, 2020 7:51 pm

It's worth mentioning that, as useful as the forum may be for people to discuss their issues, there remains a risk that focusing on a condition raises it to be all-consuming.

A condition becomes debilitating if it's what defines you. I've never accepted my diagnosis as what it is and I've always fought to not be controlled by anything, let alone a developmental disorder.

I see people on here who wear their condition as, maybe not a badge, but as a defining feature and an excuse not to be more than the sum of a list of traits.

We're all just shaved monkeys. No one has more capability than anyone else. If we have less capability, it's because we believe it to be so, and so have become the architect of our own incompetence.

If this forum becomes essential to anyone, then it's a dangerous place to be.

HSS wrote:
At the moment I am in a quite serious situation in my real life, and I am not sure when I will be able to post here again. Just in case, good luck to you and to everyone else I exchanged.


You've been one of the more interesting posters here. Hopefully you'll be back in a position where you can continue to post.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby easiersaidthandone » Tue Feb 25, 2020 2:09 am

justonemoreperson wrote:We're all just shaved monkeys. No one has more capability than anyone else.


Go tell that to people with down syndrome.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby HSS » Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:40 pm

justonemoreperson wrote:I've always fought to not be controlled by anything, let alone a developmental disorder.


Great. It's very constructive and lucid to identify that double “attack”; we could be controlled by the others and by our temperament/mind, so we have to be careful in two directions.
Maybe if we aren't controlled by our ghosts and have “our” control, nobody else has the power to control us; except that we could be controlled by our need to control ourselves, then it's an endless story. I can quite imagine a little how it's to be entirely free, but I can't explain it through words.

If we have less capability, it's because we believe it to be so, and so have become the architect of our own incompetence.


Yes, I agree in most cases. Not strictly about that, or this forum, but a painful lesson that I had to learn, it's that you can't force people, even when you honestly wish the best for them and realize that they have a self-destructive behavior. Maybe it was presumptuous from my part to suppose that we all have the same needs, wishes or priorities, but I was very frustrated and sad, because I liked that people and I felt that I had no power. I realize that I was selfish too, as my "help" was related to my pain (deriving from empathy towards that people), but I mean, there are situations where it would seem at least to exist a common interest and then, it's more difficult to accept all this.
Later and in other settings, I was reflecting about myself and I realized that happiness is important, but there is perhaps one more important thing, it's freedom.
And so, I guess that it's the key, it's similar for everyone. We wish to be “happy” (in the largest meaning, even if our idea of “happiness” can be different or opposite), but if someone asks you “would you prefer to be an happy slave or a sad, free human being?”, I assume that most people would choose freedom.

You've been one of the more interesting posters here. Hopefully you'll be back in a position where you can continue to post.


Thank you very much. At the moment I can post, unfortunately I am not entirely sure about the future. I wrote that because I didn't like the possibility to disappear without notice.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed Feb 26, 2020 4:21 pm

HSS wrote: We wish to be “happy” (in the largest meaning, even if our idea of “happiness” can be different or opposite), but if someone asks you “would you prefer to be an happy slave or a sad, free human being?”, I assume that most people would choose freedom.



We wish to be happy, but we're only happy when things have a comparison. Problems allow us to 'overcome', perpetual happiness is dull and pushes people to test and break that happiness, so that it presents a problem that can be overcome.

There's a reason why successful and comfortable people end up getting involved with scandal; it's because we get bored with the status quo.

The secret is to create; to make something constructive that takes our focus and gives us something new to focus on, so that we don't get bored and end up doing destructive stuff.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby HSS » Wed Feb 26, 2020 5:50 pm

My temperament is different, but I understand what you are writing about and I agree, except that
“perpetual happiness” isn't “dull”; perpetual happiness is/would be perpetual happiness.
The problem is that happiness doesn't last, because boredom comes.
Boredom is dull, not happiness. When boredom arrives, happiness is already gone. I don't think that people “break” happiness. They wish to break and overcome boredom.
I know it's pedantic, but I specify because imo the possible confusion between boredom's and happiness' effects could generate some problem.

Help me to understand, but the intense boredom that you describe seems me a very particular kind of “phantom pain”. I can't describe it better, but maybe you can: if people don't like to feel boredom/can't tolerate to feel it, and prefer self-destruction instead of boredom, then a such intense boredom is unpleasant in a similar way that “pain” or any other negative feeling. (?)
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed Feb 26, 2020 7:48 pm

It's what you become used to.

For example, if someone touches your arm you feel it, but if they leave their hand there then you stop feeling it unless it moves.

The more we become accustomed to something the less stimulation we get from the experience. So, something that makes us happy today will make us feel "meh" in a week, so we need to step it up to make a difference; we need to 'move the hand'. Or, we need something crap to happen, so that we can move back from the crap event to the happiness so that it feels new again.

Imagine if you'd never seen a movie or a TV show in your life and lived on a farm as an Amish person. Then, one day someone turns up and shows you something fairly tame, such as an old episode of Colombo.

It would be traumatising, as you'd see a person being killed violently. Not violently by our standards, but to them it would be a brutal, violent and unexpected event, compared to their normal day of cow-milking and talking to god.

The more immersed we are in possibilities, the more accustomed we become and the more we need to "move the hand" to experience feeling over anything.

The more realistic movies become, the more immersive our experience of fantasy gets, the more numb we become and the more stimulus we'll require to feel anything at all.

Kids are happiest because they can look at a balloon and think it's great. We see a balloon and it's just a balloon. It's new to them but to us it's just "meh."

So, to be happy, we need to create comparisons, so that we don't always experience the same level of happiness or we'll desensitise, and we also need to simplify our existence so that we don't need an ever expanding series of stimuli to chase the dragon.

Happiness is a drug. Sometimes you need a tolerance break.
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Re: The BPD forum is going downhill so here I am...

Postby HSS » Wed Feb 26, 2020 8:47 pm

Interesting.
When I wrote that some of your posts helped me, I was thinking about my recent decision to try something new every day, or at least very often (you wrote once that you try new things, even when you think that you won't like them: my idea started from that – curiously, my exercise is changing a little the perception of my identity, we identify with our habits sometimes).

By the way: while I was doing this “exercise”, I noticed that I was already experiencing new things each day.
If I have been curious to try totally unusual things, I realized that repetition doesn't exist in reality too.Life is variation in repetition. Every repetition has a lot of micro-variations in it, and everything is always new, if you intensify your perception and focus on it.

Words/thoughts play a big role on this, on boredom. We write, think, read “a balloon”: the word is the same, but in practice you see a different object each time, and even when it's the same balloon, there is easily something different in it, something that changed. Then I think, it's interesting looking for the new, discovering the existing differences even in usual repetitions, without being conditioned from words/thoughts, that are too much abstract, they give us the impression that different things are the same thing, and it becomes boring...
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