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How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

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How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby Ubinix800 » Sun Dec 15, 2019 4:27 am

Hi all, need some help here and I don't think Google is much help. I feel kind of bad/uncomfortable admitting this online, even on an NPD forum, but it's something I fear is getting worse (superego not controlling desires?) and despite being a good guy sometimes I'm afraid this will turn into a bomb.

Every now and then, mainly if someone said something to me, or I feel resentment towards someone else for having something I don't (this is been getting worse as of late and it's killing me) I feel cold-blooded anger (and other people can probably see) behind my eyes. This doesn't really ever erupt into an explosion but instead this internalized anxiety and 'quiet' rage. I am scared, scared of what I am (vulnerable type) and scared of having these feelings which I apparently don't have much control over.

I've seen that look in my eyes in my reflection, it's down right bone-chilling, and I need to do something about this. Tell me you know the feeling.

If someone had a severe case of narcissism (not me) and was self-aware, where would they even go for immediate help for it if they knew it was coming?? Example, in my town (uk) there is an outpatient mental health place which I've been to recently for other issues, but the waiting list is almost a year long, if someone knew this was coming this clearly wouldn't be a solution so what would be? Doubt my gp/doc would know much about it. Just a question I had.


How do you get over the feeling?.

I want help for this but there is nowhere really to go, expect maybe seek help in the local loony bin (which is actually apparently a really nice place) but this isn't ideal and can be resolved in easier ways.
BDD and vulnerable narcissism/avpd traits.
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby Akuma » Sun Dec 15, 2019 6:10 am

Anger is a normal reaction in which your system tells you you are unsatisfied with something and tries to drive you towards changing it.

I am angry at all the non-diagnosed assholes being on the forum for example. I gut it, you are all hoooorribly mentally ill and suffer every second of your pathetic lifes. But almost none of you is diagnosed with the disorder this forum is made for. Its extremely annoying. Its like being on a cancer forum and then people show up who self-diagnosed with cancer and some of them have taken magical drugs and have special insights from other dimensions into the types of cancer they have and they got spontaneously cured! O.M.F.G. What a ######6 loonie bin. Why should I have an issue with the anger about this? its your fault! Change #####&.

You see? if unlike me you are blessed with being able to actually feel your emotions then learn to tolerate them. And ######6 man up to demanding the change that might very well be the right thing to demand. If youre constantly running away from your innermost urges its no wonder you feel empty and unreal.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby justonemoreperson » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:25 am

Akuma wrote:
You see? if unlike me you are blessed with being able to actually feel your emotions then learn to tolerate them.


You are feeling your emotions or you wouldn't get so upset by relatively small things. Anger is a strong emotion; it seems that your issue is not being able to reasonably deal with them.

@OP

Stop focusing on it. You're worried about this and so you think about it more. It's like fat people on diets; they shouldn't focus on food, so they go on a diet and spend the whole time focusing on what they're eating. It's counter-productive and most of them fail.

We need stuff to focus on. If you provide yourself with a lot, then you will prioritise and focus on what's important.

If you give yourself a little, you will focus intently on that.

Our brains can't process negatives. If you want an example; do not think of a giraffe. Now that you have a picture of a giraffe in your head, realise that telling yourself "not" to be or do something is pointless.

Instead, focus on other activities, ones that create a change in environment. Get some exercise, take up a hobby, get a job...do something positive for yourself. Your mind will focus on the more stimulating activities and a few months from now you'll notice the change.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby Akuma » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:36 am

justonemoreperson wrote:You are feeling your emotions or you wouldn't get so upset by relatively small things. Anger is a strong emotion; it seems that your issue is not being able to reasonably deal with them.


Its a bit more complicated. I can feel fear to a degree and I can often perceive that I am angry by seeing that I am acting angry, like writing this angry stuff - but I dont feel the emotion at all. Other emotions - nothing whatsoever.
I also cant remember how it was originally, as this switched off at some point. But I did feel that stuff when I was younger - and that was definitely much healthier, which was the point I was trying to make.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby justonemoreperson » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:58 am

Akuma wrote:
Its a bit more complicated. I can feel fear to a degree and I can often perceive that I am angry by seeing that I am acting angry, like writing this angry stuff - but I dont feel the emotion at all. Other emotions - nothing whatsoever.


That's interesting; not heard that before.
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby Ubinix800 » Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:37 pm

Thanks guys and gals, okay advice
BDD and vulnerable narcissism/avpd traits.
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby covertunsure » Sun Dec 15, 2019 11:27 pm

Ooohh boy, this really hit home and I could talk about anger for ages. I hope you respond so I don't feel ignored or like I'm wasting my time. Lately I've honestly been feeling like I'm wasting most of my time on this forum because people usually rarely even acknowledge what I say/respond. Makes me feel dumb and even more worthless, tbh.

Okayyyy, now that that's outta the way...

My anger, and often rage, is often intense and barely (or not at all) controllable and containable, like I'm on the verge of just going apeshit on everyone. Usually it is triggered by unmet and entitled expectations. I was just at the grocery store and a guy that was 100% my type "failed" to notice me, or simply wasn't into me (my default assumption). I was extremely angry, almost to the point of rage. Often it extends into full-blown rage, but I am trying to distract myself, painful as it is. I am still very angry and upset when I think about it.

I think there is a major distinction between anger and rage. Rage is a very primitive reaction, like what you describe. My eyes often become animalistic. I feel it in my eyes and others IMO clearly see it because they avoid me big time in those states and I want to lash out at anyone and any living thing nearby. Everyone is a target and I feel like I could do anything, even to the point of homicide. Luckily, I have never killed or seriously injured anyone, but I feel like it's a matter of time if I don't get it under control. It's like I "split" the entire human race black when I'm in those states.

While anger is a more reactive and rational response to a perceived injustice or as an externalized form of frustration to protect the ego, I think the rage results in large part from dysfunctional object relations and a feeling of being devalued in comparison to the other. For example, when I was ignored by the guy today, I felt absolutely convinced he had the upper hand, and since I have poor object relations, I extrapolated this to ALL people who are my type never being interested in me, feeling worthless, etc. My self-esteem and is so heavily dependent on what other people think of me that rage is a natural consequence.

I've never been a chronically angry person until the last ~ 5 or so years, and it's pretty terrible. Not only does it affect your feelings about and relationships with others, but it literally is physically very unhealthy, releasing large amounts of cortisol and literally making you age faster and more prone to mental and physical illness.

I would strongly suggest you see a therapist to work on this. I am seeing one (the method is called transference focused psychotherapy). I can't speak for you so I'm not saying you are a ticking time bomb, but I think I was/am one unless I work on this.
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby SomeDude007 » Sun Dec 15, 2019 11:41 pm

covertunsure wrote:...


I am sorry to hear that, Covert. What do you do to manage the rage in those moments? And what do you think changed in the last ~5 years that made you a more angry person?
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Re: How do you control underlying feelings of intense anger

Postby Ubinix800 » Mon Dec 16, 2019 11:37 am

Covertunsure I get the whole "refusing to look at me" thing, I think it's more of a social skills thing though, some people may greet/glance at anyone near the person they are talking to, others won't. Best advice I can give is to just get used to it, they may not have meant anything by it, and if one dude/gal doesn't look at you (or me) it's not the end of the world, don't let 'em get under your skin. I mean if you weren't looking at someone, just casually no biggie, and they started to get really angry you'd probably think they were just overreacting.

Also, your writing style is very articulate and you seem quite informed about these things, I'll give you that.
BDD and vulnerable narcissism/avpd traits.
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