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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Sat Jan 25, 2020 9:51 pm

There have been some changes that have been good but other things that seem quite difficult to get at. The latter seem hardwired which probably isn't the optimal way to think about them since if there is scope to change them then I've given up on that chance.

My strategy with those traits has been one of management and dilution or trying to be more moderate and restrained with them. What I've learned is that I can mostly do this over periods that allow functioning day-to-day without them becoming a huge impediment but that I tend to have blowouts and, as time goes on, those blowouts get worse. I'm not sure if the change in relation to 'letting off steam' is because I need more of it through desensitisation or if it's in proportion to longer periods before 'allowing' those aspects to take stage.

Things have also changed for the worse. I am much more serious generally, probably through the self-restraint in trying to be prudent most of the day. I have a massive stick up my ass and I'm not sure it's one even naps would want forced upon him.

It's easy to see change and lack of change and wonder whether it's just reorientation of the same traits-- that depends on what framework for personality you're using. I could accept, for those that take the view that there is an immutable self that cannot change, that all I've done is redirect pieces of myself. I'd be more inclined to say just that pervasive traits have changed in good and bad ways but that when taking stock I believe there to be less negative ones than there has been.

In sum: Yes, I've changed. Some changes have been for the better and others the worse. I still have good and bad traits that haven't changed and new ones have been introduced but I ultimately think I've changed for a net positive return.
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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Sat Jan 25, 2020 10:01 pm

It's worth mentioning that I thought mostly in a shorter-term period of about 5 years about this question. If we look over a longer term, it's clearer that I have changed quite a lot in some respects.
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Re: Struggling

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Sun Jan 26, 2020 10:35 am

solemnlysworn wrote:It's worth mentioning that I thought mostly in a shorter-term period of about 5 years about this question. If we look over a longer term, it's clearer that I have changed quite a lot in some respects.


Makes sense that it's clearer when stepping back to look out over a broader picture of time.

I understand that you're analytical and fact driven, but I also remember you being described as something to the effect of cosmic dust of a person or personality and I think you kind of agreed with it - this makes me wonder if you ever go beyond science, physicality and fact.

I'd go insane if I had to dedicate as much effort as you seem to be to "management," "dilution," "moderate" and "self-restraint in trying to be prudent most of the day."

^^^ I'm assuming the above mentioned (not necessarily the blow-outs) is based on goals like work or something as opposed to pathology because terms like "prudent" in my mind, have the connotation of going "above and beyond" average day-to-day cooperative behaviors.

It must be nice to still be appreciated even if (as you said) you're serious, possibly severe, and burdened by large unwelcomed objects up your arse.

The only personality and change concepts I'm familiar with is twelve step where there's talk of the same defect may come up in different forms and even if it doesn't go away, the ability to not act on it right away (if at all) shows change.
I've given up on many things.
Prefering comfort, I'm pretty sure I'm not ambitious the way you are.
Damage control and anticipating mass-flowering of defects, for me.

I find it interesting that you're so focused on change - I don't think that's all too common for any population of individuals. I always wonder how people define what change looks like though; skyscraper standards will always yield less.

I found what you said earlier in the thread interesting to reflect upon
".. you’ll find this will conflict with aspects of yourself while in the process of changing."
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use." ~ unknown
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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Jan 26, 2020 9:53 pm

Not about my working life so much as just generally in relationships with people. Less fire starter; more mutual benefit.

I'd been thinking a lot around conscientiousness, grit, perseverance, etc. and am trying to foster aspects of self-discipline. It's the cornerstone of every other positive attribute, I think.
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Re: Struggling

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Sun Jan 26, 2020 11:32 pm

It's very interesting the different approaches individuals take to achieve objectives/hopes/desires - and which specific aspects of their goals are important to them and which are challenging, etc.

Minds are such strange things, to me.
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use." ~ unknown
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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Mon Jan 27, 2020 3:39 am

Enough people in my life have praised me with attributes like being quick, intelligent or clever. These seem not to be sufficient in pursuit of goals. Though people also appreciate enthusiasm that I can have, I've also been called lazy and I tend to agree. I have no perseverance.

If I were to want to, for instance, study at university (which I do and have wanted to do for a long time) then I need to be able to get through 3-4 years of commitment to it. I fizzle and burn out too quickly when curiosity wanes and it's time to do hard work so to delve into something deeply and have a more meaningful interaction with it. This also holds true for personal relationships where I'm probably not quite willing to put in the word required for long term relationships and the positives that'd come of long term intimacy.

Grittiness seems to be what is missing. If I could only hold on a little longer, I might not flit around aimlessly and spiral into the habits of hedonism and what is probably, quite honestly, a kind of helplessness where I've probably resigned myself from the idea of doing certain things because I seem not to be able to push through in pursuit of larger goals or fail to do anything except what feels good in the moment.

Discipline, perseverance, or conscientiousness, seem to be the most likely way to improve in most domains so that wherever there are bad traits I have the capacity or will or reserve to do what I need to. Do you find that surprising? Your comment took me off guard enough that I feel the need to justify what I said
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Re: Struggling

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:50 pm

I don't find your goal for schooling surprising as you've mentioned it before. I do find your goal of long term relationships/intimacy a bit surprising, but it is human nature after all. I'm maybe surprised/impressed that you put a bit of thought into the terms (conscientiousness, gritt, preservance, etc) you used. Most people just spit words out.

When I said different approaches, my mind is still on what works for you wouldn't necessarily work for me.
As for how different specific aspects of what goals that are important and what is challenging, again I contrast myself:
Schooling is similar, but you don't mind people and are sociable - while I don't like socializing and am disgusted by most of humanity. Yet, for you, it appears one of the greater challenges is not getting bored even if you're interested in developing long term relationships and it doesn't seem like people are much work and that it comes naturally. In contrast, for me, the stable connection is what's important to me, and instead what's challenging is coming across people I enjoy and aren't a ton of work.

 I tend to examine the way others are to my nature although not as a complaint towards myself but rather a base line - and then I also may cross reference others to each other in the future in hopes of gaining more perspective. It's also interesting/authentic that you actually do use this website as an tool for self improvement and that you currently appear that you're determined.

It also reminds me that what comes easy for me may actually really be difficult for others and vice versa. I guess sometimes I still get tangled up in theory of mind and it's really important to remember that
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use." ~ unknown
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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Mon Jan 27, 2020 8:22 pm

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I don't find your goal for schooling surprising as you've mentioned it before. I do find your goal of long term relationships/intimacy a bit surprising, but it is human nature after all


I've no idea if I'll find it intrinsically motivating but probably haven't given it a chance and so I don't know and would to experiment and find out what the fuss is all about. You're right to be surprised, I think
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Re: Struggling

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Mon Jan 27, 2020 10:48 pm

I hope you do find it rewarding / long-term pleasurable

Have you said what you are naturally intrinsically motivated by?
Curiosity must be one thing (even if it wanes)
They collect information to stock pile in their souls, saying, "I will tuck this into my subconscious for later use." ~ unknown
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Re: Struggling

Postby solemnlysworn » Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:05 am

Good question. I don't know

Do you know your answer?
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