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Re: NPD/DID

Postby Jebby0209 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:34 pm

covertunsure wrote:As AProphet says, I think the False Self/True Self dichotomy might make NPD or pathological narcissism seem somewhat like DID, because grandiosity is projected onto the False Self and the "host" acts accordingly. But if that grandiosity is fragile (i.e. vulnerable narcissism) and the False Self is therefore not robust, one can pendulum-swing to the other side, the deflated "True Self", but since the True Self isn't fully developed or fleshed out, it is really just an approximation of a person with no real sense of worth, identity, or self-esteem. At least, that's how it plays out for me, but I apparently have more identity issues than most with pure NPD (I also have borderline traits).

I do feel like I have two different "personalities." One is "everything-is-great-and-everyone-loves-me covertunsure" and the other is "I hate everyone and everything and myself covertunsure." Maybe Jekyll and Hyde is more accurate. The shift into the latter is precipitated by a perceived rejection, slight, or narcissistic injury. But my default state these days is the latter. Perhaps it's a safety net to avoid further disappointment.

The most frustrating part of vulnerable narcissism/borderline disorders is the inability to self-soothe and having nothing to fall back on. There is simply no true self-esteem, so in effect your personality is dictated by those around you and you are at their mercy, which just makes everything all the more unbearable.

Akuma wrote:
Jebby0209 wrote:Just wondering if there's anyone here that has had a series of events and evidence come forward that they don't remember doing it thinking about (even sexual). I've had so many things come to light that I'm thinking I have DID. Is it possible to be completely confused as to how you could have possibly thought that way or done something so horrible and completely not remember any part of it?


Is this the time to make a joke about not abusing alcohol?

Jokes aside though the anxiety you have about it isnt typical for DID nor NPD. If you feel you are getting unstabel though it is best to see a professional about it.


Couldn't Jebby's "anxiety" be a masked form of shame? I think shame and anxiety go hand in hand. If shame is the reaction, e.g. "I'm not good enough/I did something that risks me being rejected from the social group," anxiety might be a natural subsequent sequelae: "I need to do something to remedy this."

Are you then saying NPD doesn't involve significant amounts of shame?


Yes,yes,and yes.
Does this mean I'm to far gone to be a real person, how do I fix what I've done if I can't remember doing it?
How do I never the two so I don't do crazy things and forget it? Did I mention I've also been drawing pictures of the things I've done and scratching help everywhere but don't remember that either?
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Re: NPD/DID

Postby Jebby0209 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:38 pm

xdude wrote:I am going to be a bit of a heretic here...

Cluster B is about how one dealt with an abusive upbringing. Psychopathy is an entirely different matter. How you dealt with it, and I don't mean one incident of abuse, I mean constant gas lighting, your feelings don't matter mine do (the parent), you were never good enough, I only care about you when you do something for me, etc... varies. Some kids go feck it. Some take it to heart. Some, try to keep on winning parental approval.

Disassociation is another way to cope.

Step #1, anyone telling you, you should feel like me because I am strong is utter BS. Not only are they not strong, but they are repeating your abuse, telling you the same message you already heard a million times over. They really aren't stronger though, just they had the benefit of being pampered that someone with a cluster B personality did not.

I've watched my husband struggle with depression and other issues because of the horrific abuse he suffered growing up, the abuse I suffered seemed so miniscule compared but I thought I was dealing pretty well, apparently not. And now I've had a mental breakdown of sorts. It's strange how the mind works and I wish I had dealt with it the way he did instead of this BS.
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Re: NPD/DID

Postby AProphet » Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:00 am

covertunsure wrote:As AProphet says, I think the False Self/True Self dichotomy might make NPD or pathological narcissism seem somewhat like DID, because grandiosity is projected onto the False Self and the "host" acts accordingly. But if that grandiosity is fragile (i.e. vulnerable narcissism) and the False Self is therefore not robust, one can pendulum-swing to the other side, the deflated "True Self", but since the True Self isn't fully developed or fleshed out, it is really just an approximation of a person with no real sense of worth, identity, or self-esteem. At least, that's how it plays out for me, but I apparently have more identity issues than most with pure NPD (I also have borderline traits).

I do feel like I have two different "personalities." One is "everything-is-great-and-everyone-loves-me covertunsure" and the other is "I hate everyone and everything and myself covertunsure." Maybe Jekyll and Hyde is more accurate. The shift into the latter is precipitated by a perceived rejection, slight, or narcissistic injury. But my default state these days is the latter. Perhaps it's a safety net to avoid further disappointment.


The true self is there but held captive, trapped, too weak to have any influence. I dont think you use the term psychological projection right.

"Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings."
just copied from google.

Covertunsure, If I may use what I learned to aid you. Have you maybe found the other personality in some dream images? Have you had examples of external dialogue. speaking of yourself in strange ways, ("We", "Us" "making others abuse you for me"; personal examples). The symptom you highlight for yourself, of the dychtomy your experiencing, of seemingly no states inbetween, that might be a sign of bipolar disorder too.

And everyone has a shadow (Jung - the personality traits we dont accept about ourselves that we've rejected, and operate on a unconscious level). The shadow, sometimes called shadow self has emotional triggers (narcissistic injury is example of a trigger for the narcissistic personality, but there is many more triggers). I think you were triggered once by me when I said something that NPD is not emotional, Im sorry that was not my intention. Its not emotional (the false self has no feelings) but it rages. Let me give you some examples of the narcissistic injuries I had so you can compare with your set of triggers. I didnt know what this is for the longest time, thought of it in terms of feelings but this is indeed different and not a feeling.

-being rejected by a girl that wanted to see you; before you self abused and discarded her, ruining the idealize/devalue yourself/discard pattern
-being cheated on money, my friend promissed to pay for the 1g but didnt, I raged at him
-a friend seeing my true self in the moment I fell in love, my jaw dropped and I was staring blindly at her (my false self claimed a different reason for this, "I let down my friend")
-Other people having thoughts, like the aforementioned friend thinking im stupid for not knowing (this was at first reinterpreted, gave me narcissistic injury after a psychotic epsiode)
-being wrong about the girl I was in love with, that I didnt want to meet her and she was synchronous, (this gave me a slight psychotic episode)
-not knowing O. isnt reading the messeges, my true self that wrote it for a different reason was allreaady dead and had no bearing. My false self never asked the question if shes reading them becouse she wasnt allowed thoughts. Everyone knew what I know. Only the narcissist has thoughts.
This gave me a big psychotic episode, those have become a lot more intense since I revived the true self and theres all this conflicting information about whats real.
-not being able to tell the twin sisters B. and J. apart, I raged and stalked them, few days psychotic episode after
-telepathy between me and my twin flame (wont explain this, was reinterpreted as chat messages and gave me a few day psychotic episode)
-an example of my NPD collegue: telling everyone at a party that he wants to "come inside" his girlfriend and his dick didnt stand up becouse he was high on MDMA, so he retreated from the party
-an example of another colleague, I told him his girlfriend was angry with him, he raged at me even though I was helping him (him not knowing something, doesnt exist other people have feeling)
From Vaknin: loosing power, prestige or status, humiliation, loosing a valuable source of supply or job, any type of ego threat that doesnt agree with the narcissistic infaliability and special treatment he deserves.

Messege me back if you can find any similarities between you and your triggers. I dont know the logic behind the psychotic episodes yet (the two hyperspace events Ive had are different, I was confused becouse it overlapped once with a psychotic epsiode) but its a common reaction to narcissistic injury. Its a very sad emotional trigger but doesnt have to be the one you are experiencing. I spent an hour writing this post.
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