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Re: Shame

Postby Manners73 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 5:21 pm

justonemoreperson wrote:
Manners73 wrote:
I get confused about all this projection business.

I don't get it. Maybe I should stop fighting.

I'm always looking for fights and I always feel like "the ememy".

It takes a lot to convince me that I'm not.

You remind me of Scappy Doo; Scooby Doo's nephew. Always up for a fight, everything's looks like a confrontation. He was knee-high, so was compensating. Plus, he was a cartoon character.

I'm guessing that it's somewhat he same; that you're not expecting people to take you seriously, probably feel like a child in adult's clothes, and so use aggression to make people sit up and take notice or no one will listen.

I a like Scrappy Doo. I've described myself as that on here before. Have you been reading my posts JOMP?
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Re: Shame

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:32 am

Manners73 wrote:I a like Scrappy Doo. I've described myself as that on here before. Have you been reading my posts JOMP?

Clearly I read your posts, although I can't recollect you describing yourself that way before.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Shame

Postby covertunsure » Mon Dec 09, 2019 3:48 am

xdude wrote:
justonemoreperson wrote:I was diagnosed with AsPD. So, I think the mechanism for the narcissism is different.

I perceive it as different. I am not going to say it is better, different.

I am going to throw out an idea, that could be utter BS, but throwing it out. It lands where it lands.

Something about the difference has to do with how much a person internalizes input, vs the other side of the coin.

Take two kids in a situation of being criticized. One hears you (I am) are an utter failure, while another hears you are being abusive, it's your problem. And there is a world in the middle too.

Just as we humans vary in say height, we vary in how we process inputs.

Now to go out on a very small limb...

I believe people with compensatory NPD do tend to internalize, but also they probably had their egos shredded over and over. I can't prove that, so yea, it's just a thought. They do have the will power though to try and fight it, to 'succeed', and overcome. Problem is they really did take those messages to heart on a deep level, and so it's always in the back of the mind. I am an utter failure. Shame! They don't go the BPD route of giving up trying, because they do have will power to fight it.

I admit I am rather envious of AsPD types on some level. Their ability to just see through what is BS, and not internalize is appealing in some ways. On the flip side, I tend to prefer people who are emotionally affected. I enjoy the emotional side of life too. There is the intellectual way of looking at sunsets, and the emotional way. I find the later way more fulfilling.

Weirdly, I can relate to both perspectives: "I am the problem" and "they are the problem." I feel probably 60% more in the it's mostly my problem camp--"I'm defective, I'm ###$ in the head, I'm grandiose and entitled," etc.

But I also devalue, belittle, and rage at others when my entitlement isn't met, which is clearly a form of blame- and responsibility-shifting. That is, iIf you are beneath me, I cannot be the problem as a result of being superior to you, so you must be the problem." For instance, in my "ragey covertunsure" mood--not sure how else to describe it, usually triggered by being ignored or perceiving rejection--I'll see people as objects in the truest sense of the word: cockroaches or rats scattering about, scared of or avoiding me. It makes me feel much more powerful, in control, and more influential (all of which I "need") than I am.

As far as what you're saying by pwNPD "not going the BPD route and giving up trying," I can't speak for true NPD as I apparently do not qualify for a full dx, but I've been diagnosed with "borderline personality organization," which underlies most cases of BPD, NPD, and most other severe PDs. And I can say that I feel I went the route of giving up trying about 15 years ago. I live in a perpetual Groundhog Day, too scared and fear-driven to attempt to make a change, and, yes, I suppose, blaming others and saying "it's their fault they're so judgmental and cruel to me." I do not feel I possess the willpower, agency, ability, or confidence to change.

So where does that leave me?

In the same undiagnosable purgatory I'm always in, I suppose.

Shame should be my middle name. A deep, infected, gaping wound of shame.
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