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Self-Loathing

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Self-Loathing

Postby ViniStonemoss » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:12 pm

xDude evoked self-loathing in a previous post...

Being hypercritical myself, this is a topic I explored in therapy, but mostly with a few people during private conversations.

Anywho, I'm curious about how self-loathing manifest itself in your daily life? If it does at all?

What's your take on how self-loathing articulate with narcissism?
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Re: Self-Loathing

Postby Akuma » Fri Nov 15, 2019 7:21 pm

Technically I would always say, self-loathing is never really in good harmony with narcissism, because narcissism is about positive investment into yourself, or about withdrawing [love] energy from the outside and plugging it into your self.
Personally I dont self-loathe really. I might have negative perceptions of myself and sometimes rather bad ones, but I see them more like unemotional facts. The only place where I could find self loathing is if I regard my mind/body split. There I loathe (is that a verb) a lot of my physiological reality. I loathe migraines, I have some weird new asthma-like crap that is very distracting and annoying, vertigo and other possibly psychosomatic (?) things that I really hate. So in a way I could say I find this body really crappy and with that, if you would remove the split I would of course say that I find a big part of myself crappy. But it doesnt occur to me like that. Overall, while I'm more of an internalizer than an externalizer I would still think that I am much more prone to loathing reality and life itself.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Self-Loathing

Postby covertunsure » Fri Nov 15, 2019 11:06 pm

I pretty much hate myself 99% of the time. The only time I don't is when I'm in a grandiose mood, but even then I hate myself for being grandiose, lol.

I've accomplished very little in my life. Many people are impressed when I say I've started a business, but it's been flagging and hasn't grown much, if at all, since I started it nearly 9 years ago. Because I don't put much effort into it and constantly question whether I even want to do it, and always look for the next big thing. I don't understand myself, my motivations, or my inner workings (hence borderline traits). I don't know what I really want. I do think I want financial success, but I don't work toward it, because a) I'm lazy, and b) I feel like I have no control over life and my outcomes and things just happen to me (external locus of control, as they call it). It's a pretty #######5 life with very rare bursts of "happiness." The only reason I haven't killed myself is I'm too chicken.

-- Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:06 pm --

I pretty much hate myself 99% of the time. The only time I don't is when I'm in a grandiose mood, but even then I hate myself for being grandiose, lol.

I've accomplished very little in my life. Many people are impressed when I say I've started a business, but it's been flagging and hasn't grown much, if at all, since I started it nearly 9 years ago. Because I don't put much effort into it and constantly question whether I even want to do it, and always look for the next big thing. I don't understand myself, my motivations, or my inner workings (hence borderline traits). I don't know what I really want. I do think I want financial success, but I don't work toward it, because a) I'm lazy, and b) I feel like I have no control over life and my outcomes and things just happen to me (external locus of control, as they call it). It's a pretty #######5 life with very rare bursts of "happiness." The only reason I haven't killed myself is I'm too chicken.
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Re: Self-Loathing

Postby Spaced » Sun Nov 17, 2019 3:19 pm

This has manifested in me recently. I engage in a creative endeavour as a hobby, and recently had some minor success with it. People were telling me they really liked what I did. All the time I'm telling myself I'm just an imposter who got lucky, that all those other people who do what I do are the 'real' ones. I see the compliments but instead of feeling pleased or uplifted I feel bemused or even completely indifferent.
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Re: Self-Loathing

Postby ZeroZ » Sun Nov 17, 2019 4:13 pm

Self loathing is at the core of NPD from my understanding in fact it’s the entire reason the narcissism develops in the first place. The narcissist isn’t usually aware of this I don’t think. I would bet this is what is behind a lot of the self destructive behavior
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Re: Self-Loathing

Postby covertunsure » Sun Nov 17, 2019 6:27 pm

ZeroZ wrote:Self loathing is at the core of NPD from my understanding in fact it’s the entire reason the narcissism develops in the first place. The narcissist isn’t usually aware of this I don’t think. I would bet this is what is behind a lot of the self destructive behavior


Yeah, the false self was unconsciously constructed to mask the self-loathing of the true self. But I agree, most pwNPD are not aware of this self-hatred, and they likely don't actively self-hate. So for all intents and purposes, there is no self-hatred, at least in grandiose narcissists. Not sure about people like me, the more vulnerable sort.
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