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Loneliness

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Loneliness

Postby Stillface » Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:52 am

I am a recovered Covert NPD and have found myself at the age of 58 alone. No kids or partner.
I had 9 years psychodynamic psychotherapy and am now helping others in their recovery journey.
I have lost a few friends over the last 10 years. some I regret, some not so much...
Some it was definitely due to my illness, some it was because they werent really friends just wanted to suck me dry. One betrayed me and I was devastated.
I have one close friend who I helped through a major physical illness. She's good, but could do with therapy herself. Sometimes she annoys me, though.
Others interstate.
Thinking of studying again just to be part of a community (and of course its relevant to my practice).
My business is successful in a modest way, which is all I really wanted.
Am able to go away once a year just down the coast. I normally go alone.
I enjoy life, but feel a bit disconnected at times. My work is satisfying, but lonely.
Not looking for solutions, just to know there are others out there.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:53 pm

You’re not alone.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby xdude » Mon Oct 21, 2019 12:06 pm

Hey Stillface,

You are definitely not alone.

Stillface wrote:Some it was definitely due to my illness, some it was because they werent really friends just wanted to suck me dry. One betrayed me and I was devastated.


Wanted to comment on this thought. Yea, I think people with NPD can end up consciously or unconsciously choosing others who value them for appearances, and what you can do for them. A repeat of what many people with NPD learn. 'I am valued for what I accomplish, for my independence, for what I do for others'

Good to read that you are aware of that, and even though that awareness has now lead to a position of feeling lonely, I think it's wise to avoid getting into another round of friends/partners who will bleed you dry again.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby covertunsure » Mon Oct 21, 2019 9:00 pm

Sorry to hear this. I'm a self-diagnosed vulnerable narcissist (though apparently don't qualify for full NPD diagnosis) and I'm extremely lonely. Even when I'm with a group of people, I often feel alone and not really a part of things, like I'm a fraud and they''ll find out I don't belong in the friend group any minute (which isn't unfounded, since that seems to almost always happen after some time). I haven't been able to form romantic relationships because of my entitlement and constant narcissistic rage at not being admired, people not giving me the respect and admiration I feel I deserve, etc.

I often don't feel life is worth living and have suicidal thoughts several times a day.

So yes, you are definitely not alone... have you checked out Meetup.com? They have groups where you can meet others with your interests. Can be cool.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby ViniStonemoss » Wed Nov 20, 2019 11:18 pm

Stillface wrote:I am a recovered Covert NPD and have found myself at the age of 58 alone. No kids or partner.
I had 9 years psychodynamic psychotherapy and am now helping others in their recovery journey.
I have lost a few friends over the last 10 years. some I regret, some not so much...
Some it was definitely due to my illness, some it was because they werent really friends just wanted to suck me dry. One betrayed me and I was devastated.
I have one close friend who I helped through a major physical illness. She's good, but could do with therapy herself. Sometimes she annoys me, though.
Others interstate.
Thinking of studying again just to be part of a community (and of course its relevant to my practice).
My business is successful in a modest way, which is all I really wanted.
Am able to go away once a year just down the coast. I normally go alone.
I enjoy life, but feel a bit disconnected at times. My work is satisfying, but lonely.
Not looking for solutions, just to know there are others out there.


Hey Stillface, so nice to hear from you (was here under a different user name when you created your account)

The life post-awareness can be really harsh (not just for NPD). As we don't have our illusions anymore to keep us warm at night, and we got to face the true harshness of the world without filters.

You're most definitely not alone.
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