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Loneliness

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Loneliness

Postby Stillface » Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:52 am

I am a recovered Covert NPD and have found myself at the age of 58 alone. No kids or partner.
I had 9 years psychodynamic psychotherapy and am now helping others in their recovery journey.
I have lost a few friends over the last 10 years. some I regret, some not so much...
Some it was definitely due to my illness, some it was because they werent really friends just wanted to suck me dry. One betrayed me and I was devastated.
I have one close friend who I helped through a major physical illness. She's good, but could do with therapy herself. Sometimes she annoys me, though.
Others interstate.
Thinking of studying again just to be part of a community (and of course its relevant to my practice).
My business is successful in a modest way, which is all I really wanted.
Am able to go away once a year just down the coast. I normally go alone.
I enjoy life, but feel a bit disconnected at times. My work is satisfying, but lonely.
Not looking for solutions, just to know there are others out there.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:53 pm

You’re not alone.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby xdude » Mon Oct 21, 2019 12:06 pm

Hey Stillface,

You are definitely not alone.

Stillface wrote:Some it was definitely due to my illness, some it was because they werent really friends just wanted to suck me dry. One betrayed me and I was devastated.


Wanted to comment on this thought. Yea, I think people with NPD can end up consciously or unconsciously choosing others who value them for appearances, and what you can do for them. A repeat of what many people with NPD learn. 'I am valued for what I accomplish, for my independence, for what I do for others'

Good to read that you are aware of that, and even though that awareness has now lead to a position of feeling lonely, I think it's wise to avoid getting into another round of friends/partners who will bleed you dry again.
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Re: Loneliness

Postby covertunsure » Mon Oct 21, 2019 9:00 pm

Sorry to hear this. I'm a self-diagnosed vulnerable narcissist (though apparently don't qualify for full NPD diagnosis) and I'm extremely lonely. Even when I'm with a group of people, I often feel alone and not really a part of things, like I'm a fraud and they''ll find out I don't belong in the friend group any minute (which isn't unfounded, since that seems to almost always happen after some time). I haven't been able to form romantic relationships because of my entitlement and constant narcissistic rage at not being admired, people not giving me the respect and admiration I feel I deserve, etc.

I often don't feel life is worth living and have suicidal thoughts several times a day.

So yes, you are definitely not alone... have you checked out Meetup.com? They have groups where you can meet others with your interests. Can be cool.
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