Our partner

Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: realityhere

Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Postby alaskan91 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 12:39 pm

SO I have a problem when making friends with girls (I’m a girl). I constantly make friends with people who fall victim to other female Narcissist friends and ditch me.
I must be doing something wrong in my interactions with people to attract those that then attract narcissists, fade me out for the narcs while keeping in mild contact, then realize what’s really going on and come back to me, after which I no longer want or desire their friendship b/c they can’t see what is in my eyes blatant wickedness from normal. Or, worse, the Narc manipulates them in cutting me off, until they cut the Narc off….This has happened to 50% of my female-female friendship from grade school to now. There is NOTHING sexual about this post, I’m just saying this is how I always lose female friends and It’s annoying b/c I’m genuine and a Narc isn’t. I’m straight and Not lesbian (no offending, just clarifying the platonic nature of this post)


This is something I'm doing wrong as True Narcs, especially female Narcs, are a few percentage points of the population. I know I'm not supposed to judge people as Narcs but these are people who have at times mentioned they've taken tests for it (albeit online, but they seriously show symptoms)


I’m not talking about the pop psycology definition of people who are self-obsessed. I’m talking about the clinical definition, where it’s an iceberg-their need for attention is what you can see, and their lack of human emotions like empathy and sympathy, and grandiose self entitlement and lack of guilt is what really hurts people around them. To a Narc, you are a drug/toilet paper. Their brain chemistry needs your attention, but they resent having to pretend to be ur friends and care about you to get said attention, hence the eventual “discard”—throwing you away all of a sudden like toilet paper, since you were just an object without human emotions to begin with. AND THAT COULD BE WHY THE GUY YOU DATED OR YOUR EX BEST “FRIEND” RANDOMLY GHOSTED YOU! A NARC in hiding! No genuine emotions but a mask of it that became to much burden. Obviously, when you warn them they don’t believe you b/c Narcs are real good at making you feel close to them.


I’m a nice person, genuine, empathetic, and people who naturally befriend me seem to be Narc’s target! I guess I have that sweet doll face look going on, I’m pale, I’m short, blah blah LOL But, I’m kinda a tomboy, just don’t look like one. I’m not real good at emotional stuff even though I’m female (INTP?), so obviously I can never win over a charismatic, emotionally intelligent and evil Narc. On a related note, ppl also constantly attempt to scam me. I think b/c of my look, I either A) act tough then nice ppl get turned off by me or B) act nice and normal and scamming attempts ensue. I mean, what should I do? Should I just give up and learn why Narcs are so successful? Are people stupider than I give ppl credit for? Should I find a way to find more street smart people? What am I doing wrong? Is the secret not keeping friends (I lose female friends when they move away or a Narc female get possessive over them), but rather making new ones constantly, on a very superficial level? When I’m a mom, I only suspect it to get worse, as you have to worry about bullying, PTA dynamics, neighborhood mom dynamics, the whole slew! And the narcs always are in the mix of these things!


I have a side story to share: I used to attract Narcs until 10 years ago (I was 25 then) when my childhood best friend (“kate”) randomly stopped contact with me, her fiancé of 5 years, and our mutual friends with no explanation, and acted as if she had moved on all of a sudden with 0 remorse. Prior to this our relationship start being more one-sided and she just wanted us to all hear her talk about herself. She could care less what you were going through. She was raised correctly-so sadly, a better mask of fake humanness and more victims. Her fiancé of age 30 tried to commit suicide over this, he was deeply in love with her and a great guy. He ended up failing and is now paralyzed for life. Kate expressed no remorse and later popped up trying to sell her ex-fiance time with her specially trained emotional therapy dog at a 50% discount. she bought a small therapy dog for $3000 to take it to senior centers for attention/narcissistic supply. She let the dog loose in her apartment community after she realized the dog was getting all the attention, not her, and the dog later turned up at the animal shelter and was adopted quickly. Kate then proceeded to join civic volunteer organizations and meetups in the community so she could prey on kind-hearted older married men for validation. Rumor was she broke up 2 marriages. She was the “Community Narcissist” subtype—using community nonprofits as a tool for attention and hunting ground for married males to sleep with for attention. I went to therapy over this ordeal and learned what Narcisissm is and how to spot it/avoid it.

The Therapist I saw over this issue, basically gave me a disclaimer that Narcissists/sociopaths can only be diagnosed if they are themselves in front of the therapist. LOL. That's not realistic in most circumstances. BUT, she told me that if kate was a sociopath/narcissist ("Narcopath"), then what happened was Kate was raised right, but brain chemistry wise/or trauma wise, didn't have the full range of human emotions like guilt/empathy/morals, so, being raised right just allowed her to wear a better mask and blend into society better. Then, she turned 25, and decided that wearing the mask all these years was too tiring, and she would just go on and be her true (nonhuman) self. SCARY. I believed the therapist b/c it's not as if Kate got cancer and fell of the face of the earth, she literally did a 180 and popped back up with ZERO remorse, completely healthy and annoyed that everyone was upset with her. Half of her family also got freaked out and cut her off. That was the last I heard of her... Looking back, she was always kinda low on empathy and loyalty and very self-absorbed. I recall her saving a kitten in the middle of the road--she documented her saving it in a series of instagram posts. A total attention tactic. I mean, the kitten could have easily gotten run over while she was photographing it from the curb!?!

Needless to say, I'm doing something wrong here, to attract people like that, But the question is, what?
alaskan91
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 12, 2019 12:25 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:35 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Postby AProphet » Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:20 pm

Your kindof making it into a conspiracy theory I think. The evil "narc" is not there to get you. Your just supply to him. And its not you attracting them anyway. You just attract N-Magnets. And belive me such a thing exists.

I was an N-Magnet. Narcissist codependant. Self abusive. So my primary relationships were those with narcissists. We just magically found eachother out.
AProphet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 239
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:02 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Postby KingPinX » Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:50 pm

Too much text to begin with. :shock:
Anyway ... I think you got a wrong impression.
pwNPD here. Message me if you have questions.
User avatar
KingPinX
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2019 1:54 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Postby xdude » Mon Oct 14, 2019 10:10 am

Arguably this thread could be hashed out on the Significant Other, Family and Friends forum.

I want to be kind, but ultimately the advice there will tend to turn into 'why are you choosing people who have narcissistic traits?'

We can only change ourselves, and if that seems impossible, well of course we cannot change others. Make a list of what you find attractive, because there are attractive traits. Could be an appearance of confidence, life of the party, charming, driven, energetic, they showed you much attention at first, etc.

SOs of people with NPD are likely to end up disappointed in the long run. Ask the person with NPD and they will tell you, it is not some malicious intent. You fell for the show version, the idealization. Sometimes people with NPD can be an ideal, for a while, but why... well there is no understanding that but to be NPD. They can't keep up the idealization forever. It is what others approved and fall for, but it's really not malicious that the show collapses eventually.

Once you have a list of what is attracting you, then you'll know what to be wary of going forward. Or you can enjoy their personalities for what they are, including the parts that appear later in a relationship.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Site Admin
 
Posts: 8445
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 14, 2019 8:35 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Attracting people who are Narc Magnets

Postby xdude » Mon Oct 14, 2019 11:34 am

p.s. @alaskan91

Your post was long and I found it difficult to read, but perhaps your meaning was you tend to attract others who attract Narcissists? If so then just take my previous post and see if you can explain it to them, but...

Most people learn by doing, explanations often don't work. They have to go through the experience themselves. It's ironic though. We are often quite content at times that some people are narcissists. Take work as an example. It can be a strength, that personality type that runs or sells the company, from which others benefit. Personally I am of the mindset that if a personality type exists, it's probably because it works in some cases. It's what others approve of in context.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
xdude
Site Admin
 
Posts: 8445
Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:41 pm
Local time: Thu Nov 14, 2019 8:35 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: AProphet and 38 guests