Our partner

Identity disturbance in NPD?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: realityhere

Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby covertunsure » Wed Oct 09, 2019 4:08 am

Does pathological narcissism, esp of the vulnerable kind, have identity disturbances or identity issues like BPD? If so, how do they typically manifest? I've been told I have identity disturbance (although only after one session, so I'm taking it with a grain of salt until I see him a couple more times), so I'm curious.

Examples:

Career-wise, I've done everything from sitting for the police officer exam (even though I kind of hate cops) to sales to IT. I've been in IT since then, but I still get new ideas all the time. These "phases" last anywhere from a day to a few months.

I also feel like I don't have many internalized, strongly held values or beliefs. Never had a favorite color or favorite band as a kid. I've always felt insincere, uncommitted, and arbitrary when people asked what I believe in, so I make up whatever approximates something that I feel I should have. Maybe not that extreme all the time, but sometimes it feels that way.

I moved to the city I live in now for no real reason. I started doing stand-up comedy with my friend but it feels empty and I don't know why I'm doing it.

Basically, I feel like I'm always lost and drifting with no real purpose, intention, or "why" in life. I know I'm interested in computers and business, and that's about it. I kind of feel like a shell and a fraud of a human being.
covertunsure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:02 am
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby KingPinX » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:25 am

Ok interesting. I do have certain fixed interests. But all in all - there is no fixed me. I adapt to my environment in a "survival of the fittest" manner and the things I do are mostly shaped by my environment.

I myself do not have much intrinsic motivation to do anything at all. But you could put me anywhere and like a plant I would just go on and adapt to that situation.

But I dont feel bad about it. I feel like an observer rather than anything else - still I am at the core of what is going on most of the times.
KingPinX
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2019 1:54 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 14, 2019 1:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby covertunsure » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:02 pm

Nobody? Nothing? :D
covertunsure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:02 am
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby covertunsure » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:29 am

KingPinX wrote:Ok interesting. I do have certain fixed interests. But all in all - there is no fixed me. I adapt to my environment in a "survival of the fittest" manner and the things I do are mostly shaped by my environment.

I myself do not have much intrinsic motivation to do anything at all. But you could put me anywhere and like a plant I would just go on and adapt to that situation.

But I dont feel bad about it. I feel like an observer rather than anything else - still I am at the core of what is going on most of the times.


Sorry, I have no idea how I missed this. My browser must have cached the page or something.

I also relate to adapting to my environment but not in a survival of the fittest manner, more acting like I expect other people want me to in order to earn their approval.

I also relate to "you could put me anywhere and like a plant I would just go on and adapt to that situation." I moved to this big city where I live without knowing anyone and I've managed, albeit being pretty miserable. I feel like I'm pretty adaptable, like a bacterial organism that just won't die (unfortunately).

I do feel bad about it. I want to just be comfortable and able to "be myself," whoever that is.
covertunsure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:02 am
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:35 am

This is Kernbergs view on personality orientations.

https://www.seabhs.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=584

It does a good job of explaining the differences in identity structure between the three types. I struggle a lot with the “borderline type” I see more in common with this description than with any particular dsm diagnosis, atleast for me personally. Also I can relate to what kingping said about survival of the fittest. I feel like it’s the only way to survive at times and that everyone would leave me for dead if I let them. This could be some sort of projection rather than an identity disturbance I’m not sure.

I have on several occasions in my life, reinvented myself, decided one day I didn’t like the way things were going for me and I changed. The way I dress, the way I ate, my political views you name it. I felt like I was evolving and I looked down on people for not being able to experience personal growth the way I have. In hindsight they were just being themselves, consistently. I almost couldn’t understand why anyone would even want to do that. Seemed thickheaded and intentionally Dimwitted at the time
ZeroZ
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1092
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 4:03 pm
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby covertunsure » Sat Oct 12, 2019 6:35 pm

ZeroZ wrote:This is Kernbergs view on personality orientations.

https://www.seabhs.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=584

It does a good job of explaining the differences in identity structure between the three types. I struggle a lot with the “borderline type” I see more in common with this description than with any particular dsm diagnosis, atleast for me personally. Also I can relate to what kingping said about survival of the fittest. I feel like it’s the only way to survive at times and that everyone would leave me for dead if I let them. This could be some sort of projection rather than an identity disturbance I’m not sure.

I have on several occasions in my life, reinvented myself, decided one day I didn’t like the way things were going for me and I changed. The way I dress, the way I ate, my political views you name it. I felt like I was evolving and I looked down on people for not being able to experience personal growth the way I have. In hindsight they were just being themselves, consistently. I almost couldn’t understand why anyone would even want to do that. Seemed thickheaded and intentionally Dimwitted at the time


Yeah. I relate very well to the BPO.

On a more practical, dsm oriented level, I feel, at least intuitively, that perhaps one of the biggest differentiators between a more narcissistic orientation and a borderline one is that narcissists reinvent themselves in that survival of the fittest way you and Kingpin describe. It sounds like it’s not necessarily painful or ego-dystonic for you, or is that an incorrect assumption?

For me, it is quite painful. I don’t like and feel tired of acting. I most of all long to be comfortable and happy just being me and being accepted. I want to be perfect, but I think it’s mostly out of fear of what it means to not be perfect to my mind—rejection and exclusion. I feel I must be perfect to survive and be happy and loved. I do still have elements of grandiosity, but if I could feel safe and good about myself dropping the need to be perfect, I probably would. It still hurts badly on an egotistical level to think about not being universally admired or better than everyone. But hopefully I can get over that.
covertunsure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:02 am
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Oct 12, 2019 6:55 pm

Reinventing myself usually feels good, I think I’m really accomplishing something. So not ego dystonic in that sense, but the looming danger of having potential threats all around you that you have to guard against is not enjoyable in any way and I usually avoid going outside when possible because of this. I’ve become very Schizoid like
ZeroZ
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1092
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 4:03 pm
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby covertunsure » Sat Oct 12, 2019 7:28 pm

ZeroZ wrote:Reinventing myself usually feels good, I think I’m really accomplishing something. So not ego dystonic in that sense, but the looming danger of having potential threats all around you that you have to guard against is not enjoyable in any way and I usually avoid going outside when possible because of this. I’ve become very Schizoid like


Wow, I could have written the bolded part. I also feel much more comfortable in the confines of my apartment, particularly as for me these threats are everywhere because I live in a huge city. Could you please elaborate on how this manifests to you and what the potential threats are to you? That would be immensely helpful. To me, they are people not admiring my looks, not finding me attractive, me "realizing" (for the 832935th time, hence why it's quoted) that I'm not perfect and experiencing the torture-filled pain of that.
covertunsure
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 6:02 am
Local time: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:01 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby AProphet » Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:17 pm

covertunsure wrote:
ZeroZ wrote:Reinventing myself usually feels good, I think I’m really accomplishing something. So not ego dystonic in that sense, but the looming danger of having potential threats all around you that you have to guard against is not enjoyable in any way and I usually avoid going outside when possible because of this. I’ve become very Schizoid like


Wow, I could have written the bolded part. I also feel much more comfortable in the confines of my apartment, particularly as for me these threats are everywhere because I live in a huge city. Could you please elaborate on how this manifests to you and what the potential threats are to you? That would be immensely helpful. To me, they are people not admiring my looks, not finding me attractive, me "realizing" (for the 832935th time, hence why it's quoted) that I'm not perfect and experiencing the torture-filled pain of that.


Its called a prosecutory delusion. They offten accompany NPD and drug use.

Regarding the personality structure types. BPD would have borderline organization, but NPD would have psychotic, is that correct?
AProphet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:02 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 14, 2019 12:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Identity disturbance in NPD?

Postby AProphet » Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:31 pm

covertunsure wrote:Basically, I feel like I'm always lost and drifting with no real purpose, intention, or "why" in life. I know I'm interested in computers and business, and that's about it. I kind of feel like a shell and a fraud of a human being.


That is the identity disturbance if you feel that. I would comment becouse If you are indeed affected by the disorder, you are not the person you think you are, rather a false-self. But identity is a very personal thing. Every understand this differently and the view is distorted becouse we pick and choose which facts we pay attention to. I would only comment that a false-self has no identity (and no personality), an adaptive reaction like kingPinX described, side you show to the world (Jungian Persona). So one would expect identiy issues, and a gap between our internal thinking and reality.

-- Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:33 pm --

ZeroZ wrote:I have on several occasions in my life, reinvented myself, decided one day I didn’t like the way things were going for me and I changed. The way I dress, the way I ate, my political views you name it. I felt like I was evolving and I looked down on people for not being able to experience personal growth the way I have. In hindsight they were just being themselves, consistently. I almost couldn’t understand why anyone would even want to do that. Seemed thickheaded and intentionally Dimwitted at the time


And I did everything and still failed to change my behavior. Im still self-abusive supply craving.
AProphet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:02 pm
Local time: Mon Oct 14, 2019 12:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 45 guests