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case study: cured narcissist

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case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:36 am

Ok prior context. The best girlfriend of my fallen star, Ive been messaging her a lot over the course of a few months with realy my findings, reflections and what I learned, firstly dialogue, later just checking the messages, just out of convenience I knew she probably doesnt read them but it didnt matter. I planned to keep sending as long as I could, untill she ignored me like the rest. Maybe I get a chance to say my sorry. So she finally responds: Will you please stop messaging me? Now notice, this is deception.

Becouse what she realy wants is to prove how stupid he is by writing messages to soemeone who doesnt read them. She realy wants him to write something. She knows the narcissist is stupid and doesnt understand prior context. So he responds, narcissisticaly injured that she wanted to see him and then didnt, unexpectedly, with narcissistic rage:

ok
why hate me so much
im the most amazing person
anyway bye
######6 had reality break
from grief
im hurt
im sorry
I HAD NO ONE
even the imagination that someone cared
was a lot
okk
ok
i had very little
and a lot of hurt
ok
my own sister
cant write back
right here in xxxxxxx
when im going threw
you saw
what i was going threw
didnt exist self abusive
hated the one one that mattered
ever
no choice
I COULD HAVE EASILY BE AMAZING
had community
first time
..
im over it its over

He wrote Amazing becouse he just thought he cured NPD And realy he was a lashing out little boy who didnt understand anything. And realy And then his true self strated dying from grief 6 months after the girl he loved, broke her heart (both girls are friends), he realy didnt want to, he had an abusive false self. But he had no choice. And that girls still is everything, Then hyperspace event 2 started, on a very weak true self. This one came with prior warning from a dream, which said "wank off and wet your feet" he knew that wet your feet means dmt, he just didnt know its going to be soon day. Yes the dmt tells you, and even takes you there without smoking dmt its just stronger when you smoke together with event.

Becouse he didnt know that he has as much time as he wants to respond. He is an automaton, he doesnt plan. A few hours later he then compulsively just admits. But he purposefully self-defaces himself. He didnt write the messages becouse he thought she is reading. Just becouse she didnt ignore him yet. And realy she wants to write and is decieving him. And realy
he had a psychotic episode/event2 the day before telling him not to trust her. He still trusts her even though she hates him becouse he is an automaton and self abusive. Put in this kind of situation, he always reacts the same way. And you wont tell me narcissistic supply defficiency isnt real. The day after the dmt my false self was disintegrating. I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO WRITE ON THAT DAY. I JUST NEEDED SUPPLY.

u realy did
never read any
its ok
made me felt good
and the others were on it too

So he says hes an idiot instead of what he wanted And realy he had all the time in the world to respond. To talk to her and say he is sorry. And she is waiting for him now to write. Or write something meaning full But he just cant, even though he learned it all, wrote plenty of it with this girl even. Will you please stop messaging me? Why you keep checking.? and then maybe guess what she wants. She wants him to tell her, why he wrote them. But he never gets to that. Then she threatens him with ignore and he cries. When realy she cant ignore him and waited hours for a response. But he couldnt just think of any solution, except what he did in that place in 3 different cases, always the same: be retarded. Its called not having self-awareness. You have no idea of the situation you are in. And how am I suposed to live this way? Being abused like this. I didnt even feel anything. I just didnt care anymore. I was allready aware of the severity of my condition, never felt ashamed again. But being cheated and abused like that is just trash. human trash. Just ###$ you. I mean it doesnt matter what happens but its ######6 disgusting and pathetic, and always this way. Go to extreme lenghts to self abuse.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:32 pm

correction. my true self was allready dead when hyperspace even 2 happened, it died when I lost hope that I can say sorry to the ones that mattered. I grieved, but only short and intense bursts of whining. I think its becouse my false self doesnt miss it, hates the true self. During the event my false self fought the dmt for a long time, but it did break threw and I observed my inner mind I think fixing, reintegrating my lacking capacities, remnants of the true self. Dissociative processes preventing self reflection, empathy, and visions of the future.

I just had a dream (more than a dream, a vision when entering sleep, not asleep yet) of me stiffled by hate, with the words "who was the baby before?". Im still working it out what It means.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby ViniStonemoss » Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:35 am

Has your name here anything to do with the movie?
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:25 pm

It stands for AcidProphet. Im having religious experiences/hyperspace events so I guess its on point.

Another dreamlike vision with the words: "opened case of missing identity against unknown narcissist"
Ill have to rethink this all again, its more complicated.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Sat Oct 12, 2019 10:08 am

correction to previous post. Im having psychotic episodes/religious experiences/hyperspace events.
We just dont know for certain, can we. And also they happen without the hallucinogens now, so its not just drugs.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby SelfSerf » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:47 pm

Alright, you talk of the script. "Hates love, loves to be hated" etc. So what do you do to overwrite the script? If it took real live experiences in childhood to initiate writing this code deep into your subconscious (and conscious awareness also). What would it take to overwrite it?

Since I have experienced that there is a true (a helpless, weak) self underneath what one might call the devil driver, somewhere hidden that nobody alive can actually nurture since it even eludes your own consciousness, your own Self. And if it didn´t, it would be too vulnerable (like an animal without skin) to survive in this harsh reality.

When I tried I did not manage to break through on DMT (I felt like I was denied, there was someone laughing, a cosmic chuckle like (nooooooo, I see you trying but it is futile, you cannot enter now) like you have to learn something prior. Well, my intention was wrong, I wanted to get a glimpse of something few others had. like a shortcut to enlightenment

Maybe the dose was low but the same happened with ayahuasca. I did not manage to relinquish control, the false self had a lock on going anywhere. The only feelings I were those of a small child (arrested development), the feelings of being unprotected in this world, wishing that I could just hug my abuser (my cover narc dad), as if that would make it okay. I could not share in the visions that others in the room elicited during the ceremony. I caught a glimpse of some of them when I finally managed to just focus on breathign but I felt like it was just barely out of reach, as if it was so fragile I could make it all disappear with just a wrong thought. I could not set the ´correct´, true intention. The false self can only conjure up falsehoods, convincing others and themselves of it for a long, or short while.

So if DMT is the spirit molecule and a narcissist is devoid of the spirit (he has turned away, denied his soul), what is there to pierce through the veil. You yourself said that even the gods could not tell you anything. They could say anytinhg but nothing that you would accept, no information that you would be capable of making anything of.

Like, it all makes perfect sense. When I feel ´human´, as in, not superior to everyone else and subject to all the same whims of nature (essentially entropy), I get disdain and self-loathing for myself. Alright, you talk of the script. "Hates love, loves to be hated" etc. So what do you do to overwrite the script? If it took real live experiences in childhood to initiate writing this code deep into your subconscious (and conscious awareness also). What would it take to overwrite it?

Since I have experienced that there is a true (a helpless, weak) self underneath what one might call the devil driver, somewhere hidden that nobody alive can actually nurture since it even eludes your own consciousness, your own Self. And if it didn´t, it would be too vulnerable (like an animal without skin) to survive in this harsh reality.

When I tried I did not manage to break through on DMT (I felt like I was denied, there was someone laughing, a cosmic chuckle like (nooooooo, I see you trying but it is futile, you cannot enter now) like you have to learn something prior. Well, my intention was wrong, I wanted to get a glimpse of something few others had. like a shortcut to enlightenment

Maybe the dose was low but the same happened with ayahuasca. I did not manage to relinquish control, the false self had a lock on going anywhere. The only feelings I experienced were those of a small child (arrested development), the feelings of being unprotected in this world, wishing that I could just hug my abuser (my covert narc dad), as if that would make it all okay. I could not share in the visions that others in the room elicited during the ceremony. I caught a glimpse of some of them when I finally managed to just focus on breathing but I felt like it was just barely out of reach, as if it was so fragile I could make it all disappear with just a wrong thought. I could not set the ´correct´, true intention prior to the ceremony nor during it. The false self can only conjure up falsehoods, convincing others and themselves of it for a long, or a short while but not for a truehood.

So if DMT is the spirit molecule and a narcissist is devoid of the spirit (he has turned away, denied his soul), what is there to pierce through the veil. You yourself said that even the gods could not tell you anything. They could say anytinhg but nothing that you would accept, no information that you would be capable of making anything of.

Like, it all makes perfect sense. When I feel ´human´, as in, not superior to everyone else and subject to all the same whims of nature (essentially entropy), I get disdain and self-loathing for myself. I need to always regain and work intensely to restate a static view of myself. An infallible, perfect understanding of myself. This is the crux of narcissism, the very core of it.

All this because the only humans who I ever depended upon, failed me. Proving that they could not be trusted, they showed me that nobody else could ever be trusted (neither life itself) either. Existence itself became deplorable because there was no guarantee of love to be had. Just suffering and volatility was guaranteed.
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
Camus
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby ZeroZ » Sun Dec 01, 2019 5:47 pm

Read something about sitting and meditating asking yourself what it is that you need and to listen for the feedback. Could be a thought that pops into your head a feeling of anxiety or whatever this is from a therapist helps people with personality disorders get I touch with their inner-selves, their needs.

I would think adding drugs to this equation would only further distort your perceptions. I’m alittle concerned someone might actually answer me. :shock:
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby justonemoreperson » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:35 am

ZeroZ wrote:Read something about sitting and meditating asking yourself what it is that you need and to listen for the feedback.


Tried this and it turns out that what I needed was a piss and some more weed.


I would think adding drugs to this equation would only further distort your perceptions. I’m alittle concerned someone might actually answer me. :shock:


Maybe, although there is some evidence to suggest that acid can help. They've been trialling it to initially work with depression, but said that it has the potential to work with other mental issues, as it serves to re-wire the brain.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby ZeroZ » Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:20 pm

justonemoreperson wrote:
ZeroZ wrote:Read something about sitting and meditating asking yourself what it is that you need and to listen for the feedback.


Tried this and it turns out that what I needed was a piss and some more weed.


Well... weren’t you glad you asked then
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:51 am

SelfSerf wrote:Alright, you talk of the script. "Hates love, loves to be hated" etc. So what do you do to overwrite the script? If it took real live experiences in childhood to initiate writing this code deep into your subconscious (and conscious awareness also). What would it take to overwrite it?

Since I have experienced that there is a true (a helpless, weak) self underneath what one might call the devil driver, somewhere hidden that nobody alive can actually nurture since it even eludes your own consciousness, your own Self. And if it didn´t, it would be too vulnerable (like an animal without skin) to survive in this harsh reality.

When I tried I did not manage to break through on DMT (I felt like I was denied, there was someone laughing, a cosmic chuckle like (nooooooo, I see you trying but it is futile, you cannot enter now) like you have to learn something prior. Well, my intention was wrong, I wanted to get a glimpse of something few others had. like a shortcut to enlightenment

Maybe the dose was low but the same happened with ayahuasca. I did not manage to relinquish control, the false self had a lock on going anywhere. The only feelings I were those of a small child (arrested development), the feelings of being unprotected in this world, wishing that I could just hug my abuser (my cover narc dad), as if that would make it okay. I could not share in the visions that others in the room elicited during the ceremony. I caught a glimpse of some of them when I finally managed to just focus on breathign but I felt like it was just barely out of reach, as if it was so fragile I could make it all disappear with just a wrong thought. I could not set the ´correct´, true intention. The false self can only conjure up falsehoods, convincing others and themselves of it for a long, or short while.

So if DMT is the spirit molecule and a narcissist is devoid of the spirit (he has turned away, denied his soul), what is there to pierce through the veil. You yourself said that even the gods could not tell you anything. They could say anytinhg but nothing that you would accept, no information that you would be capable of making anything of.


Yes the false self (in the case of narcissit codependant) "supplies" on others abusing you, like a script. Its 'prime directive if you will'. You should be well familiar with the steps ive taken. At first I learned everything there is to know about the nature of the condition and developed my true self as much as I could. Its difficult with an arch rival in your head. In Jungian terms that would learning about the condtion would be 'shadow integration'. The narcissitic personality is full unconscious, so you have to consciously integrate it and go threw his individuation process, using dreams and reflecting upon your actions. I did that not knowing what I was doing yet, just following my intuition, nor knowing the dream representations of your aspects (afore mentioned shadow, anima, self or archetypes). Jung is considered pseudoscientific by conventional psychiatry, he is known for the theory of the collective unconsicous. I bypassed conventional psychiatry alltogether, they couldnt even diagnose me correctly, but now Im going to enroll in some kind of therapy following the latest narcissistic injury.

About the DMT. Yes, breaking threw on dmt is a cure for the condition. And the best experience you can have is by doing it on acid, it prepares you for the blastoff, by the way. The problem is as you said, the false self will never let you do that. It fears the dmt, It knows that it supplies,feeds, strenghtens the true self. It will never let you break threw, like in my example where Mila Angelina connected to me a second time, she said now or never, AGAIN. And the insufferable false self said "now is not now or never, now or never was back then". What I most regretted, It still didnt register.
It will lie to you and abuse you, never learn or change. And the dream images involving the dmt were the most apparent to me, "wank off and wet your feet", soul sister telling me to eat food before I return, from a 3-stove chandellier, but I took no note of that :(. And the dream where even small ammounts supply the true self (doctors with a constant supply of fetuses), so small ammounts are good too if you dont think your ready for breaking threw into hyperspace. Also meditation, the true self likes that. But the false self makes you (at least me, In comparison to my friend thats been doing it a long time and advising me) incapable of entering, sustaining the meditative state. Its realy difficult to meditate normally, but is easy when I have a surge of the true self, like when O. fell in love telepathicaly.

I understand that what I write might seem delusional but its the truth as best I understand it, I cant help that. I couldnt make it up even if I wanted to. So what we have left are the spiritual solutions I mentioned above and one more, being in love. When the true self Is in love it is stronger than the false self. Also I think the false self is vulnerable during psychotic epsides, thats its one moment of weakness, but thats yet to be verified.

The true self hidden under wraps (even someone seeing the true self, like in the moment I fell in love, my jaw dropped, gives narcissistic injury) like you say, is undeveloped, too weak to function on its own. And emotional pain can cause you to "die". Its in quotes becouse it never dies, it just becomes weak, but all the capacities that were evolved are still there, but it has to be supplied. The ways to supply it (that Ive discovered) once again: self love, being surrounded by people that care about you, dmt and psylocibin (for certain, maybe other psychedelics included), being in love, meditation, and twin flames telepathy. Ofc you will be challenged and denied all the way by the false self, and its realy powerfull. Powerfull beyond imagination. It knew to run insuferable and discard pattern when O. even for telepathy. I hope I answered your question.
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