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case study: cured narcissist

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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Tue Dec 03, 2019 5:03 am

Brief summary of what happened from the other thread, since we are using this one now.

I returned to the warehouse after the fb narcissistic injury, thinking the true self dying (becouse I lost the feeling I had for B and hope) true self dying was temporary. Certainly I had valid reasons to think so, there was conflict within the personality and both personalities seemed to be active, vying for control (dreams split into two actors, fights in dreams) and all the capacities and feelings I learned were still present enough. But the false self was too strong when it started supplying, It was narcissiticaly injured that It couldnt tell the twin sisters apart (not knowing something causes narcissistic injury) and lashed out, self abused. Even thou both were ready to be with me, J. was certainly in love on the first day I saw her and B. was maybe not in love but certainly cared too much. But talking to them about feelings was not an available option, I was being stiffled and dissociated. Didnt even understand what happened or reality before a psychotic epsiode. I resigned from the warehouse and they said im not fit to work after I explained narcissistic injury to them, and asked to seek treatment and will be aviable to rehire in the summer. Then I was messaging O. during the psychotic epsiode and she fell in love telepathicaly, we are twin flames. The telepathy was reinterpreted (one of the primitive defenses the narcissitic personality employs) as chat messages and it took another even bigger psychotic epsiode to clear the dissociative processes. That caused a (temporary) surge for my true self, that I was able to understand shes in love with me now and has thoughts and we had more telepathy for a few more days. Especialy, Intense feelings seem to be transmitted in this way.

PS yes, I know it might seem on first glace that I am delusional
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Mon Dec 16, 2019 9:09 pm

Hey, Im speaking with my true love ER on facebook. Shes not reading though and only refreshes, except for the time I gave her "narcissistic injury" that she didnt know I was just spamming her. I told her Its ok and that noone will know, Ill keep writing. Lets see where this leads..

My original aim was to just let O. know that Im writing, becouse she cant not read the messeges herself, becouse she;s in love. And thats how I know that she is, except for the telepathy. Becouse its ######6 illogial. Only love can be illogical like that. She cant not read them herself becouse its hurting her feelings that im so insufferably stupid and disgusting. She thinks Im always this way, becouse she only ever saw me during psychotic epsiodes. O.'s plan is to ignore me untill I smoke the dmt, then I'll be cured from hatesloveandlovestobehated.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Fri Dec 20, 2019 2:42 am

dont you love it when the psychiatrist reads your case report, everything ofc mixed up, not what I said:

"Belives he's buddha. Belives he has two personalities, other one being his twin flame. Belives a lot of girls are in love with him. Belives his dreams are prophetic. Communicates telepathicaly with angelic entities, who give him messages"
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Sat Dec 28, 2019 9:39 am

I meditated deeply, was scared so I lied down in bed hugging my pillow and a I had a vision.
These dreamlike visions are different then dreams. Ive had a few before allready. You are conscious of dreaming, more aware, and they start right after falling asleep. No waiting 1,5 hours for REM phase of sleep. You know your falling asleep when the vision starts. From my dream journal:

"After a chain of visions I entered the room and there he was.
After meditating, a vision of apologizing and telling Kuba how much he means to me. He was blinking all over the place; I thought thats due to my false self moving him arround.
I even pointed that out. Told the other me to ###$ off. I said to Kuba that our time together was not wasted and it meant a lot how we played games and and... stuff?.
I was thinkinh of playing heroes 3 with Kuba especially. (Why not with Czarek?)
The Kuba presumably was Jacob, from aunt Teresa, my youger brother. I remeber him or me standing in the door of the toilet and me? saying something.

Then me floating threw space, as bulbasaur I think or I just saw bulbasaur jumping arround and other possibly animals, maybe a unicorn briefly that I rember. I wanted to follow the unicorn.
A sensation of being covered by my blanket and shot out, of being hot and sweaty. Was not sweaty when I woke up.

Another vision after this. Of me going onto xxxxxxxx town. Then I started flying by swimming, I thought B. is too far, but I'll try to find her. Swimming was difficult, my arms were heavy.
I saw two girls briefly on the street, They were gossiping on how another girl did it with her boyfiriend. I think I saw them near a lamppost. Idk who were the girls or who was the she.
I tried to keep flying but made my way slowling, gently to the ground. I woke up."


The first part is difficult to interpret, but I think the "Kuba" was my true self. Going to the bathroom (or taking a $#%^) appears in other dreams as a paralell of fixing myself. Im still trying to find out to what extent the false self "thinks" and "dreams". Its realy difficult, I have no existing body of knowledge to inquire from. Its still in question what makes the selves activate, dominate, function. I have to make my guess based on behavior. In this example im guessing the I was my false self becouse it was incapable of expressing itself, its feelings and just sucking up.

Nameswapping or inventing a person and then interacting with it is characteristic of the dissociative processes btw. Sometimes my false self appears next to me AND at the same time interacts me as f.e mom (another pwNPD), dissociated like that. Its not obvious while your dreaming, only later.

The second part is obvious. The girls (B. and O.) talked about J. loosing her virginity, when then one she fell in love with broke her heart on the first day by allready loving her twin sister desperately (the irony on this). I had clarvoyance on this. I felt the dream image of her being penetrated telepathicaly. It made me realy ######6 jealous. That after everything I did I was unable to learn anything, did the same mistakes literally, only bigger, more insane. And he is a idiot, she wanted to dump him but gets so much help from me. That they spoke under the lantern is a subtle innuendo that she was a whore, doing it with someone she didnt love. Im sorry J.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:33 am

From wikipedia:

"Hypnagogia, also referred to as "hypnagogic hallucinations", is the experience of the transitional state from wakefulness to sleep: the hypnagogic state of consciousness, during the onset of sleep..."

This is what I ment. These are different from dreams, seemingly accessing a higher consciousness (Jungian collective unconscious?) visionary and moreso prophetic than regular dreams (those are prophetic sometimes too). Freud and his contemporaries were very interested in these.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Fri Jan 03, 2020 10:21 am

Jung gives a beautyful and concise explanation why it is this way, why cant the unconscious say directly, what it means, instead of puzzles like the one above? His explanation: Becouse the realisation would be too painful. The psychic energy has to find its outlet indirectly, threw symbolic representations.

He then cites an example of the man (Abbe Oegger, obscure case, google doesnt find), who wanted to know whether Judas was forgiven his sin of betraying Jesus, and he concluded that yes, god in his infinite wisdom must have just been using Judas as an instrument for salvation. He zealously prayed to god for an asnwer, and he "felt the angel touching his arm, telling him Judas was forgiven". This same man one year later betrayed the catholic church to become a swedenborgian. So the riddle of Judas was realy just the unconscious way of learning about his own act, wheter god will forgive him or not. The direct realisation that he is Judas, the betrayer, would have been too painful for him.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby easiersaidthandone » Sun Jan 05, 2020 9:50 am

Why are 90% of the posts in this thread walls of text? Let me help lower that
I don't fake it. I just make it.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Fri Jan 10, 2020 5:30 am

I decided to post this, becouse its a good dream to teach you guys how to interpret your own.
Dream journal for source material:

"there was a high level tauren hunter chasing us, shooting all his stupid arrows at me
just chasing and shooting, no ###$ given, he was running at me
it took him a long time to kill us despite that, I thought its becouse hunters just have low damage
at first I tried to exit combat and enter stealth, like my old druid, and tried to run away
but he put flare on my path, and the deep water was untraversable, I had to fight so I tried to ambush him
I used sprint while stealth, ambushed and raked him
but my damage was too low, and wasnt realy coordinated for some reason, I thought its becouse I lacked duel practice, pvp skills in the moment
I think I remember turning for a second and casting moonfire on him, and running
casting rejuvenation and abolish poison on myself
The open field we first made contact was like the Stacja football field, and Wyspianskiego road
I had to play on numpad instead of normal keyboard, but I did my best despite the unfairnesses
I think I had to use keyboard to turn arround, not mouse, so my movement was impaired
I ran a few fences, but I also had to control pet my cat and run with it
It could run inbetween the Zebrowski home area fences, due to its small size
the tauren was shooting at me and my pet cat, or at my cat, I tried to focus on controlling the pet cat in detail
the shooting stopped and I watched the cat
we ran out to the field behind brother Zebrowskis house, where I tried to plead with the cat pet
I tried to move the cat up on the higher ground, But It resisted my commands, and became a helpless severed head, which I saw then eaten by a crocodile
and a car image flashing very briefly
I was dissapointed and angry, walked away, becouse I couldnt do anymore"


First some genral rules, as per Jung.
1. The symbols the unconscious use to represent internal concepts are personal in nature, tailored to your own experience. You have to look at the meaning of what the dream-image, stick as close as you can to the synchronistic meaning it has for you.
2. The unconscious is inherently purposefull in what it is trying to say, there is very little randomness or "mistakes". But it Is also subjective (if we are speaking of the personal unconscious), UNLESS there are inknling of the dream accesing the collective unconscious, which here I see none, but I am able to identify some of these allready for myself.

That the second concept is true is self evident from the souce material. If you ever played world of warcraft, you will notice that that the duel between druid and hunter class (except that the druid uses only caster and catform, but I was shapeshifting in first person perspective, so those are not different personality representation) are almost perfectly recreated in the dream-pictures. Up to every last detail, for example that against hunters you try to ambush using catform dash becouse flare uncovers stealth and that abolish poison is used very little in pvp, but It IS used against hunters specifically, becouse they have viper sting which drains your mana. Or that deep water causes fatigue.

The tauren hunter (false self dream image) is as well purposeful, to show the stupidness of it (not ever learning, changing or adapting). This stupidness of he false self is ascribed by the unconscious, and appears in other dreams (examples: ...he had realy stupid hair, ...army of chinese soldiers, I noticed one had a realy stupid hat, etc)
and he just runs and shoots his "stupid" instant cast skills at you, no ###$ given, no purposefullness in his movements. And he just wins by facerolling, becouse he is stronger. (rolling your face over the keyboard, a wow term for no skill required)

At first the meaning of the dream was obscure to me. Notice there is essentialy 3 images for the personality: druid (caster and cat), hunter, and cat (hunter pet), but there was no sudden perspective shift I could identify for the dreaming self switching (like in other dreams, I can usually identify a new paragraph for those moments), the change was more fluent, difficult to notice at first approximation. But the meaning became apparent after that:
1. The true and false self see themselves as different classes (hunter and druid), but the false self sees the true self as a hunter pet, not a indepentant entity. There is a strong association betweem druid having catform and hunter cat pet, and those are dependant on dream-perspective.
2. The true self perspective is that the selves are fighting, in conflict, as represented by the duel (duel becouse its 1v1 but I should realy say world pvp, its different factions). The false self perspective is that it is helping, controlling the true self, against its wishes but for its own good.
3. Even thought notice, its a hunter killing his own pet with arrows, "stupid", its not how you win (self abusive false self, NPD codependant). And even though the result is catastrophic (the helpless severed head eaten by a crocodile or automobile flashing images), it refuses to aknowledge any fault (NPD infalliability trait)
4. primitive defenses and dissociative processes are represented as playing on numpad instead mouse and keyboard. They only appear from the perspective of the true self, which is target to those.
5. Lastly the less significant dream images: low damage might mean that we are god and invulnerable, that life is "not serious", which the buddha (like buddhism, means 'awakened one') knows this to be true.
And all the named areas pertaining to my childhood, the R. Zebrowski (colleague from elementray school) appears in two different dreams, these Zebrowski brothers mentioned are different people, only have the same surname. This symbolism I can decipher only very vaguely.

PS bold parted the lines where perspective shifts, how you guys can see the disociation
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Sat Jan 11, 2020 10:52 pm

Im posting this not becouse it has deeper meaning or anything, but just becouse its a realy beautiful dream-image, just the relevant fragment:

"...then we observed the sh*t slowly making its way down on the grating
I told Dima to observe the sh*t and enjoy it, all its details
how it slowly makes it way down, staining everything on its path
we were both terribly amused about that."


###$, I cant stop laughing.
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Re: case study: cured narcissist

Postby AProphet » Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:20 pm

the poem I wrote to eB. (or B. but she is eB now, its more fitting) after I confessed my love to her on facebook. She still never wrote anything but she was in chat with me in that moment. but we do flash active status on facebook sometimes alot.

"The police were communicating over the radio. There was a price on our heads.
They were prepared to enforce the law, have us handcuffed and arrested.
We are being caught red-handed, calling us by our wanted poster names.
That me and you are criminals on the run, ready to be apprehended."


Its origin was another dream picture. Ok guys time for some input like he said. So its not just a wall of text. Can anyone guess what the crime is, that they are going to charge us with? What the unconscious is trying to say?

Right one update. O. is not the twin flame, I cant belive I even thought that. That that disgusting bitch could be my own soul. I only had extremely strong divination during the last psychotic episode. I was telling future on the fly, things that will come to pass. And telepathy to 3 girls, so much telepathy in fact, that It was difficult to say who my twin flame is. But whats supplying my true self is actualy right now, that IM IN LOVE WITH eB. AGAIN.

I fell in love the moment she first wrote to me. The same night I had a strange sensation of desolation, emptyness, being trapped when I woke up. It was realy soulshattering, this sensation.
It was difficult to know for myself this time. There was no obvious fall. But I was realy jealous and thought about her all the time, and hurting her, like when she paniced when she saw Im spamming her, wrote something and deleted it, it felt realy bad hurting her. Was difficult to tell for MYSELF, even thought I was in love before. This feeling just keeps on surprising you...
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